So okay, I’m going to brag now. It’s my blog and I feel like bragging because I’ve been working really hard. I met with my trainer today. It is the mid-point of my 10 week kickboxing intensive. I took a week off to go to the Cape and have felt a bit, shall we say, OFF since I returned. Like suddenly everything was uphill. But I’m staying with the program – I have completely changed how I eat and it’s been major – I have never been a person who habitually eats bad things, never been into fast food or fried food – I don’t have a sweet tooth … but WHEN I eat and how often has been a major problem. Basically I don’t eat. I UNDER-eat. So now on this program I feel like I have to eat all the mo-fuckin’ time. 6 times a day?? This is so counter-intuitive to me. I have to nibble all day long – 6 small meals a day – in order to make my quota. So it’s been a huge adjustment. I pack lunches, I cook in bulk, I have little sandwich baggies of carrots and celery sticks – I time it out – so that I’m eating every 3 or 4 hours. It feels WRONG. But that’s only because I’ve been starving myself (unsuccessfully) for nigh on 10 years. So there’s THAT. Changing my eating habits has been so empowering, it really has. I feel in control. I have grabbed the reins. And if I want to sweve – then I KNOW I’m swerving. It’s not about never having a glass of wine, or a piece of pizza or whatever. It’s about being in control of when I snack, how I snack, and how often. I carry around my food chart. None of this is IN me, yet – as in habitual. I need to be a Nazi for a while, so I am.
Today was my mid-point and I had to weigh in and also get my body fat measured. I was, naturally, scared. I’ve felt off. I also have my period right now (I just have to quote an exchange I had with M., my longtime boyfriend in Chicago. I announced to him once, “I have my period right now.” – It was in context, by the way, it wasn’t just a random outburst. But still, had to let him know: “I have my period right now.” And he replied flatly, “What else is new.” hahahaha It’s not that I menstruate more than once a month – it just seemed like it. It still seems like it.) – so I feel like: Oh dammit, YOU again, period? Why now? When I have my weigh-in etc? I swear I gain 15 pounds every month over a 3-day period and then lose it all in one fell swoop. So I was stressed.
I get on the scale. I do not look at the number because I do not want to look at the number and I am sick of dealing with THE NUMBER. I am not doing this intensive to change that number. I can’t look at it that way – because that way doom and failure lie. I am doing this to get healthy, fit, strong.
Then I do the body-fat test with the little gizmo.
She says to me, “Okay, do you want the good news or the bad news?”
I shouted, “TELL ME EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY.”
She said, “The bad news is you’ve only lost 1.2 pounds.”
So from the 4 pounds I had lost at the one week mark – I’m back up. I deflated. That damn NUMBER. The number on the scale runs our lives, our identities, how we feel about ourselves and relate to the world. At least that’s true for me.
She said, “And the good news is – you’ve lost 6% body fat.”
That is meaningless to me. It sounds so small. Is that good?
She went on, “Let me give you some perspective. Normally, when people do this 10-week program – they lose 7% body fat over the whole 10 weeks. You;ve lost 6% in 5 weeks.”
So. What? How is this possible??
Obviously, I am gaining muscle. I have not lost weight – but I can tell my body is different … and the loss in body fat is why.
She was so cute, she said, “I hate to sound all girlie and everything – but I know that we women obsess about that number on the scale. It’s all about how much we weigh. But what you have to get is that it is amazing how much body fat you have lost – it is highly unusual – have people told you you looked different?”
“Yes, they have as a matter of fact.”
“Do your clothes feel different? Do you look different to yourself in the mirror?”
“I am not a valid judge about my appearance. I feel like a fat cow at all times. So I am not to be trusted.”
“You need to listen to the people who have told you they see a difference. I know you want that weight to go down – but it’s going to be in the reduction of body fat that you really see a major transformation in your actual body. So that’s great news and I’m really proud of you. Seriously.”
Then we did my session with the weights and it was like being coached by an emissary from Beelezebub’s entourage. Seriously, this woman is demonic. I go into this ZONE – where my muscles are literally (they feel that way anyway) BURNING. They burn. And she will not let me stop, or give up, or slow down. She is a messenger from the freakin’ underworld and I love her.
But it;s over now – and I have lost 6% of my body fat in 5 weeks – and I’m just gonna keep going, dammit, and now I need to watch To Live and Die in LA (I love you, Dean Stockwell!!) and put my damn feet up.
And I actually AM going to think about the number. But not the number on the scale.
I’m going to fall asleep tonight murmuring “6%, 6%, 6% …” in a mood of utter bliss. That’s the number I like.
I love the fireplug!! She is so awesome! ‘Splaining the 6%!
And yeah for you!- you must be a giant muscle!!
I love that you remember that I called her a fireplug! You’re the best, Beth. Yes: 6%!! Who knows how awesome I will be when I have lost 10%, dare I say 15?? I’m goin’ for it.
Fantastic! Also, muscle burns something like 3 times more calories just sitting there than fat does. And it’s a lot denser, so when you are working out like crazy and your total weight doesn’t change, don’t sweat it. Just concentrate on burning more calories than you consume, and you’ll be fine.
//Also, muscle burns something like 3 times more calories just sitting there than fat does. //
Oh God, Johnny – people keep saying that to me – and I hope to God it’s true. I have so little faith!! But something must be working.
It’s so hard, though, to not obsess about that number on the scale.
Do men have that, too?? I am seriously asking – please don’t scorn me!
Tyra Banks (okay, you can scorn me now) wrote an article about her weight and how she weighs 161 – and just from how we think about women’s weight and stuff – and what we THINK supermodels weigh – that sounds “off”. And she was like, “It’s not about the number. It’s about your health. I weigh 161. No way in hell am I ever gonna weigh 120.” So yeah, it’s all muscle – but still – it was very cool to hear that.
Stop thinking about that stupid NUMBER.
Everyone obsesses about that number they see. I know I do!! It’s a self-image thing – even though it’s insane if you really look at it.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words – and encouragement – I love the thought that the muscle is doing the work FOR me, as long as I keep it engaged, with the kickboxing and the weight training.
ack – it’s all new to me, I’m nervous – but psyched too.
Sheila, that is awesome. Keep up the good work! You’re an inspiration!!
6% is awesome! Oh wow! Like totally freak me out! I mean, right on!
And yes, muscle burns more calories just hanging around… AND since it’s denser than fat, you’re going to gain weight at first while you’re burning fat and building muscle. But later it evens out, and the number goes down.
And remember, the most important thing is how your clothes fit. Even if you’re not a good judge of your own appearance, you do know if your pants are looser.
Rock on! You’re doing great!
Thanks, guys!! I need to hear it – I really do, not ashamed to say it.
Okay Sheila. I too stepped on the dreaded scale tonight and much to my disappointment, lost only 2lbs. Two! TWO! Only two! I thought I’d die standing there. Then came the gizmo (how the hell that thing works I can’t even begin to fathom). 5% body fat lost it says. “Whoop-di-do!” I thought. Melissa was very pleased, but my paranoid side thinks that that gizmo is rigged and just a way to keep me signing up for more Club KO. Nuts right? So I too am going to move forward, stick with it, TRUST in the gizmo and get over the NUMBER. Even if I don’t lose the weight I hope to, at least I’ll be able to kick someone’s ass if I ever have too. And oh, nice work on the 6% body fat loss (whatever that means)!! Hopefully we’ll meet up at the gym sometime soon.
Janine – the fact that you think the gizmo is rigged to get us to join the gym … I LOVE YOU!!!! I am howling.
Congrats on the 5% girl! We’re doing it!!
I’ll be there tomorrow – and also Friday – see you there hopefully?? Their Labor Day schedule is all messed up so I want to make sure I get in some classes before then.
That’s GREAT, not just the number, but the way your really going for getting in shape and sticking with it. Fabu! And since you’re grazing, you can still eat w/ me! We’ll just have to go easy on the cheese.
This guy has had that number thing too. When I’m trying to take some off, I always make a deal with myself NOT to look at the scale for a reasonable period of time, say two weeks or a month. sounds weird, but I can stay with the plan and get less obsessed. One reason frequent little meals should help you lose ultimately is because it raises your metabolism, while fasting lowers it.
Awesome Sheila! That is so cool! I love your trainer!
Way to go! Congratulations!!!
I love that Tyra Banks weighs 161, by the way.
Men certainly do look at that number. I use the treadmill three days a week, the weight machines two days a week, and try to avoid my beloved snacks, just to check those digits each morning (after peeing and shaving to reduce those few more ounces) and see them still hovering right at 198. As long as it’s below 200, I’m not devastated.
But you? The Sheila of Steel? Results. Good for you. It must be weird having people you don’t know be proud of you.
Schway, Sheila! Excellent news. Let me confirm what the other guys are saying – men get this too, only for us it’s less a number thing and more about our appearance. We’re all supposed to look like Bowflex McGee or something, but you know – middle age blog-boys have little tubby-tubs and side-saddles and it’s just too damn bad.
Now, if I went on a regimen like yours, I’d possibly melt some of that butter, but even without losing a pound, well – I’d look better; more importantly, I’d feel better with a fitter body even if it weighed the same. So the number, eh; it’s that accusing layer of insulation that gets the guys. We’re afraid that women will recoil in horror as we slosh past. (At least until we go bald and/or grey, and worry about THAT instead. Men are idiots.)
Soon you’ll need one of those hooded enter-and-exit-the-ring boxer’s robes, white silk with green trim, a big green shamrock on the back, and above the shamrock an arc of green script saying ‘The Irish Tomato’.
Hey, Sheila, that is great!!! I was thinking of you and “the fireplug” while our yoga teacher was challenging us pretty hard last night.
I don’t know if this happens to you, too, but I swear I get all body-dysmorphic when “Aunt Flo” visits (not to be confused with “Aunt Frida,” for Nightfly and tracey). So looking in the mirror doesn’t help that week at all!
Ok- I don’t know what I am laughing harder about- Nightfly’s description of ‘blogboys sloshing by’ or Steve on the Mountain’s image of Sheila in a robe with “The Irish Tomoato” inscription!!! ha hahahahaha!
I actually gain weight when I start working out. I get on the scale and the number goes up. And, when I start working out, as you are experiencing, it’s freaking hard! So all that hard work and the number goes UP!!?? It’s the most difficult part of the process for me to keep going when it happens. But experience has told me to push through and let the number go and keep going.
Here I am again after a long, lazy summer with the kids and I’ve got to get started again.
You’re inspiring me to get off my ass!
Meanwhile Maria has turned into the South Beach Nazi and looks phenomenal! She feels phenomenal! I feel like my blood has been replaced by beer.
YAY SHEILA!!! Good for you!!! I keep saying I need to start going to the Y again, and I need to eat better – I just haven’t DONE anything about it yet, so good for you for taking control like this. I love your trainer too – does she travel? Like, to RI?
Of course, now I’ve got Eric the bald’s “Sheila of Steel” combining with Steve on the Mountain’s image of you in the “Irish Tomato” robe, with sounds of a pre-fight ringside crowd and the Rocky theme song all going on in my head….
So happy for you!!!