Four Things

Because I’m feeling a bit raw this morning … due to the fact that I’ve had a helluva weekend, which I cannot (yet) figure out how to write about …

Here’s a mee-mee. I got it from Ted.

FOUR JOBS I’VE HAD

Through high school and most of college I worked at a pizza joint called Pit ‘n Patio. It is, sadly, no longer there. It was a 2 second walk away from the beach in Rhode Island, family-owned – and everyone who worked there was vaguely insane (including myself). They sold beer, too – so most of my job was carding the underage surf brats who’d walk in and try to buy alcohol. The pizzas were awesome, though – and they had a system of how to order that the staff had to memorize – which was intensely confusing the first couple days – but now, even though it’s been almost 20 years since I worked there, I still remember that pepperoni is “4”. So: PFO 4. That’s a “pepperoni pizza for one”. Etc. After work, the staff would close down – and have a pizza and a pitcher of beer, and then occasionally walk down to the beach and go skinny dipping. Great job.

The best job I ever had was doing “celebrity chats” for AOL. This is because I type as fast as a person speaks. This was also in the heyday of the internet, before the big ol’ bubble burst – so I was paid 40 bucks an hour for these chats. I would go to an empty office – and some celebrity would show up – usually with his whole entourage … and then the chat would start, and questions would start coming in from the AOL members – I’d ask celeb the question, he/she would answer – and I’d type away whatever they said. It was such a weird job – because sometimes the chat would happen at 10 o’clock at night … or 9 o’clock in the morning … It was never the same. The very best gig I got was sitting backstage at Comic Relief – and running a chat with all of the performers – throughout the show. They’d go onstage, do their bit – come backstage – stop by my area – I’d announce to the chatroom: “We have Will Ferrell here, ladies and gentlemen! Any questions?” Questions would fly, I’d ask the celeb the question – they’d answer – It was so fun, because the comedians were all so funny and sweet. The best part was when the Upright Citizens Brigade stopped by to chat. I have many friends in common with those people – due to my past in Chicago, and the fact that my main flame during those years was an improviser at the same club where Upright Citizens was born. Amy Poehler (who was not famous yet – this was right after UCB moved to New York) is a dear friend of a very good friend of mine. Amy sat down next to me after they did their thing onstage – she was hyped up, kinda nervous (you know, there were massive stars all around – this was a big moment for her!) – she whispered to me, “Okay … so what do I do? I’m nervous …” I said, “No biggie – the morons in the chat room will ask stupid questions – and you just answer and I’ll type.” She nodded, as though she were about to start a military campaign. “Got it.” Then – I couldn’t resist – I said, “Rachel H. is a good friend of mine …” Amy suddenly looked at me, clear-eyed, excited – like: what??? In the middle of that chaos, a friendly name, one of her dear friends? She said, “No way!!! Oh my God!” She got all emotional, “Who are you?” “I used to live in Chicago. Rachel and I were in a couple shows together …” Amy literally snuggled up next to me, saying, “Rachel!!!”. hahahahaha On the verge of becoming a star, freaked out. We then did the chat, and it was so hilarious – Amy said something to me like, “It’s so comforting to me to hear the click-click of your little keyboard. I feel very relaxed right now.” hahahaha I don’t know – most of the famous celebrities there had been famous for a long time, so they’re used to it. Fame, I mean. She was on the verge of it, and kind of freaking out … but suddenly this AOL chat person “remembers her when” and brings up a name of a person she loves … It was awesome. It was my most favorite job ever.

I was an editorial assistant at the University of Pennsylvania Press, based in Philadelphia (of course). I had an office. I was 22 years old. I would organize the editorial luncheons, where all the editors would sit and chat about the projects for that week. I would organize the author manuscripts. It was a bleak time for me. I shiver when I think of the cold white winter light coming through my office window.

I was a page at the local public library when I was in high school. It was my first job. I worked a couple of hours a week, after school – and my best friend J. had the same job. We would put books away, check books out. Wonderful job. The little stone building next door to the library was the archives of the town – with historical documents stored in there going back to the early 1700s. George Washington slept there. I love that. I worked in a place where George sat around having Revolutionary War meetings. It’s quite a propos.

FOUR PLACES I’VE LIVED

I lived in Boston for a summer. We had an apartment in Beacon Hill. I worked in a gourmet grocery. My boyfriend was an intern at a huge corporate law firm. It was a terrible summer. I love Boston. I’d love to live there when I was in a better frame of mind.

I lived in Chicago for 4 years. One of the best times of my life – well, actually, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But I look back on it fondly. My first apartment was a one-room place on Melrose, a block away from the lake. Then Mitchell moved to town and we got an apartment together on Ashland (an apartment we never really moved into … things were still in boxes when we moved out, a year later). Then we got our best apartment – a place on Wayne Street, behind the Musicbox Theatre on Southport. We had a third roommate – and it was a beautiful place. This was the apartment where my crazy flame (mentioned in the answer about my old jobs) would crawl through my bedroom window at 3 o’clock in the morning, scaring me so much on occasion that I would almost wet the bed.

I lived in San Francisco for 2 months. Another horrible time I barely remember. I remember the books I was reading at that time more than the actual time there. I was reading Lives of the Saints by Nancy Lemann, and The Colorist by Susan Daitch. I bought the books at a little bookstore over the Golden Gate Bridge – I don’t even know where we were … but I remember the layout of the store – and I don’t know why those 2 books called to me, but they did. San Fran was where I put Charley Manson up the chimney.

I lived in Hoboken for 9 years. I lived with my dear friend Jen that entire time. Amazing how well we worked as roommates. Unbelievable. We lived in 3 separate apartments. We went through September 11th there. My cat Sammy was still alive (bless his little furry heart) and lived with us the whole time. Sitting on top of my head as I watched television, wrapping his tail around my neck, purring so loudly that I couldn’t hear the television.

FOUR PLACES I’VE BEEN ON HOLIDAY

Ireland

Ireland

Ireland

Ireland

Yeah, I guess I need to branch out, huh? Montenegro, here I come.

FOUR FAVORITE FOODS

Yummy cheeses

Chips and salsa

Good bread

McNuggets

FOUR PLACES I’D RATHER BE

Glendalough, in the Wicklow Mountains. On a windy night, the lichen-covered huge Celtic crosses leaning to and fro in the graveyard, the rushing stream coming at me like a roar through the night. Then going into the toasty warm pub at the lodge, and having a Guinness, and playing pool with the locals.

Sitting outside at Cafe Avanti on Southport in Chicago – with Mitchell, and David, and Maria and Jackie, and all the other Chicago friends … nursing a cup of coffee for 2 hours, talking, nowhere to go, no responsibilities, just friendship, open and free.

North Dakota, on a rainy-yet-sunny day – rain on the horizon, sun where I am – miles and miles of visibility, forking lightning in the distance, sweeping rain clouds, dark wet fields, lonely gas stations – neon gleaming through the grey. Bleak, fragrant, transcendent landscape, makes me feel larger than I am, and also smaller. North Dakota is like outer space that way: you feel minute, and you also feel huge.

Sitting in Beth and Tom’s backyard, around the bar near the pool – having wine with my dear friends – they’re all there: Beth, Michele, Betsy, Mere … the night is cool, we’re all spraying Off on our legs like maniacs – there’s food, we dip our feet in the pool, hours and hours spent … just enjoying each other’s company.