“I really like Lauri. She seems totally down to earth.”
“I know! Me too! It’s so weird, too, because she has had so much work done on her face – she LOOKS so fake – but she really seems the most REAL of all of them.”
“I can’t stand Quinn.”
“She’s a nightmare. If I were dating her, I would run the other way.”
“I can’t stand Billy.”
“Yeah, me neither … but still – he seems kind of smart …”
“I liked how he handled Quinn during that religious conversation. He seemed like he has a good head on his shoulders.”
“Tamra looks like shit. What the hell did she do to her face?”
“She used to have cheekbone contours – where did those go?”
“Vicki is nuts.”
“I mean, the screaming … it’s like – hon, let Briana be happy about the car without screaming in her face about how happy she should be.”
“I love Briana.”
“Yeah, she seems normal.”
“Can you imagine being a Playboy Playmate and then gaining 20 pounds and having your husband not talk to you anymore?”
“Colton is a serial killer in the making.”
“I hope Lauri and George last forever.”
“He seems, weirdly, like a really nice guy – doesn’t he?”
“Yes! I think he really does love her.”
“They hate Jo because she’s young.”
“Also, she’s made it outside the gates.”
“Wow, that speech was really trite.”
“The crystals are a bit over the top.”
“I mean, it’s her third marriage – I think it’s a bit much.”
“I have to say: I’m taking Vicki’s side on this one. If some weird fan of the show was living in my house – and he moved in while I was on vacation? I’d be a little creeped out.”
“Well, let’s remember. Even though Vicki is nuts – she is successful. She’s an amazingly successful businesswoman. You gotta admire that.”
“Slade is the biggest dick who ever walked the planet.”
“I can’t stand Slade.”
“Her music is just awful.”
“Look at her cleavage. I mean, honestly. Isn’t that a bit much?”
“She’s a nightmare.”
“I love Lauri. There’s something really real about her.”
“The thing is – Lauri’s not vulgar. All of those other women are vulgar – but she’s not like that.”
“She’s the kind of woman who really needs to be married.”
“Three times.”
“I like Kara. She’s kind of cute.”
“She also seems like one of the only kids who actually has her act together. She was Valedictorian, she’s going to college. All the rest are … seriously, look at that platinum hair.”
“I don’t mind Tammy.”
“Nah, she’s okay.”
“I hope Quinn doesn’t come back next season.”
“You can tell the other women don’t like her. Look at how they’re looking at her.”
“Jeana makes me sad. I don’t know – there’s a real sadness there, a flatness to her voice.”
“Tamra’s son is just a fucking loser.”
“What a mamma’s boy, too!”
“Like he wants to start at the executive level in whatever job he has. He’s so spoiled!”
“I do have hopes for Lauri.”
“George seems like a good guy.”
“I hope it works out for her.”
Then. Lights out. We lay in bed, quietly. Darkness. No talking for about 10 minutes.
Then:
“I think it’s sad that Jeana invited Frank into her life.”
And then:
HOWLING laughter.
don’t forget: “You gotta love Ross….he stays married to Vicki, but he kinda doesn’t take her crap. He tells her to shut the fuck up when her obnoxiousness kicks into high gear.”
“I think you mean ‘Don.'”
“Oh yeah, his name is Don….gotta love him.”
Also: “Well, it IS a beautiful dress.”
“Yeah, for a 21 year old.”
HAHAHAHAHAHA
“I think you mean Don.”
HA!!!
yeah, if you can think of more – please keep talking.
This is hilarious to me. I was really sick several months ago, home in bed for a few days, and I got sucked into watching an all-day Marathon of that show. Now, I had a fever of 101+, and watched about 52 hours(just kidding)of that show. Anyway, about two weeks later my wife has some friends over for dinner, I get home from work(I work late now), and they are sitting out in the living room talking about this show. My wife has no idea I know anything about it, so she was flabbergasted when I chime in with insightful commentary(yeah, sure) full of all these details. For about 5 minutes, I was “one of the girls.” There were a couple of the “Wives” who seemed like nice, decent people, BUT there are some people on that show(adults and children)who are astonishingly shallow.
DBW – hahahahaha I love the thought of you chiming in!
I’m tellin’ ya – Lauri, the one with all the botox, and the silly Farrah hair, and the fake boobs … is the reallest one on the show. It’s so bizarre – but she’s truly likable!
Watching that show is the strangest thing…attraction and revulsion mixing, judging harshly and compassion competing, it’s like eating McDonald’s and haute cuisine at the same time.
DBW….that really is hilarious. I would have loved to be in the same room and see the looks on their faces when you piped up with your insider’s knowlege of the show….its almost sitcom-esque in its aburdity.
And Brendan: Kinda like reading Danielle Steele and _________________at the same time.
fill in the blank: (Hemmingway, Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Phillip Roth, James Joyce, etc.)
“What are they thinking with all these ‘procedures?’ Do they realize that they are actually ADDING years on to their appearances?”
“Yeah, the frozen faced pumped lips thing is really not a good look.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with botox, plastic surgery, etc. but really. Would you ever get Botox?”
“I don’t know…..” Pause, then, “No, I don’t really need it, I already have really good skin.”
Allison–Yes, my wife looked at me as if I was Neptunian. She expects me to be “pulling something” most of the time, so she was trying to figure out any scenario in which I could possibly know any of the things I was saying. I actually tried to watch the show again at a later date, but…I had moved on. Her friends, who, after 20+ years, still struggle to find me amusing most of the time, thought the whole thing was quite funny. One has to keep ’em guessing.
//Do they realize that they are actually ADDING years on to their appearances?//
hahahahahahahahaha so true, though, isn’t it??
allison, and I can’t let this post go by without commenting on the hilarious “interracial” moment that caused such a bust-up on the blogs.
“My parents are interracial …”
HA!!
Umm…Go Ducks?
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