There are some trends I don’t mind following (or I follow them without even realizing it – or I flat out follow them happily!) and other trends I pay no attention to (either by choice, or because I can’t or won’t change). I read a lot of moaning from certain people about how the wider culture somehow doesn’t “support” whatever it is they are into. “I don’t share the values of the girls in Sex and the City. I like to sit home and knit. Why isn’t THAT celebrated?” Well, first of all, who says it isn’t. In this day and age of niche blogs, specific message boards, and targeted online communities – pretty much anything anyone loves is celebrated somewhere. Are you a plushie? You are no longer alone. You can find your own kind. Do you like gluing seashells onto window frames and stencilling seahorses onto the wall? There’s probably a blog out there for you. Find your own kind, and stop looking to the larger forces to validate you. It’s all an illusion anyway. Second of all, a television series about a woman sitting home and knitting would be the most boring non-event in the history of television. And thirdly: who cares what television execs say is “in”? Sit home and knit and be happy that you have found something you love and stop looking for validation from the wider culture. Trends are trends. Hop on in and participate if you want to, and decline if you don’t want to. I was thinking about this yesterday – and I was wondering how dominated I was by trends … and I started making a list.
Trends I Follow Happily
Current music. I love the pop kings and queens of the day. I may end up deleting that stuff from my iPod in a year’s time because I think, “What the hell did I see in this music?” – but I love to have the new albums by Britney, JT, Ashlee, Mariah, whoever. I think they’re fun.
Technology. I’m not a gadget-hound (I mean, obviously, I don’t even have a television) … but it’s only been a couple of years and I already cannot imagine my life without my iPod. It has changed my experience of my music collection, and it has also changed things such as: working out, commuting … those times when I am stuck, or need to get through something … I also love things like Netflix, the Internet, online bill paying, Amazon … I have not resisted any of them, even though it’s been a huge paradigm shift for me. I still go to bookstores. I almost never go to a video store anymore. I do get overwhelmed by it sometimes, and I am not good with technology, actually – but I am fully a member of the “yay for new technology” club. Progress!
Reality TV I’m pretty much totally into it. I have my tastes and preferences – I prefer Project Runway to Survivor – but I kind of dig them all. I don’t keep up with it as much as I would like (uhm, yeah, there’s that no TV thing), but I find it all very entertaining. I do not see it as The End of the World As We Know It And What Is Becoming Of Us All? I think it’s fun. And actually interesting as well. Oh, and America’s Next Top Model is flat out great television. So is Real Housewives of Orange County (I don’t care for the spinoffs). I don’t so much gravitate towards the more personally-oriented ones (wife-swapping, or whatever – they don’t interest me as much) … I mainly like the ones where people have to DO something and there is some sort of contest involved. This includes The Bachelor.
Trends I Pay No Attention To (or, more accurately, feel no pressure to participate in)
What “everyone” is reading. The Celestine Prophecy came and went without making a dent in my psyche. Tuesdays with Morrie made me want to punch someone. I read the Harry Potters, and the Twilight series. But if I hadn’t liked the first Harry Potter, I would have felt no pressure to go on to read the second. Same with Twilight. I loved those books. They sucked me in. I just don’t care what “everyone” else is reading. I feel no pressure to participate. I’m happy reading whatever catches my fancy. Or, like now, I read nothing. To be clear: I am not saying that those who eagerly read the entire Harry Potter series are merely participating in a trend. Don’t assign a snobby meaning to my words. What I am really talking about is acknowledging that there IS a trend, and seeing whether or not I feel like participating in it, of my own free will. If it’s something I actually LIKE, or if I’m just following a trend. It’s kind of interesting to test that, from time to time. Do I LIKE my hair this way, or is it just because everyone is doing it? I think everyone has such things – and it’s an interesting topic to me.
Body Hair I just don’t care what magazines or certain types of men tell me is attractive in this arena – I don’t know why I have always been so impervious and do not have that anxiety or shame about it that I see around me … I just don’t. Never have. This is a big issue right now and if you don’t follow it, then consider yourself lucky. I actually am very interested in this topic and could get quite militant about it if I thought too hard about it … but what it all boils down to is I just don’t care. By that I mean: I do not care about the trend. I am inconsistent in my habits, and have been since I was a teenager, and I am fine with that. I feel no pressure to explain myself or justify why I do ONE thing and not the other. It’s my body. I do what I like. I shave my legs. I like smooth legs. I rarely shave my armpits. Just don’t care. Occasionally I get my eyebrows waxed – I like that. I keep the pubes nice and trimmed, but I don’t go nuts with Brazilians. I’ve had them before, but they are not a regular part of my life. I am not saying if you DO get Brazilians regularly that you are just “succumbing” to a trend … I am talking about it from the perspective of someone who realizes that it IS a trend – it is everywhere … and you could drive yourself nuts with trying to keep up: the ladyparts are supposed to be totally bare now, that is the trend. Anything else gets an “ew” response from the chattering class – and I don’t know, I just don’t care. I’m gonna listen to what the larger culture tells me my vagina is supposed to look like? Are you kidding me? I like my va-jay-jay, I keep it a neat place that someone would want to visit, but other than that, I am totally impervious to the trend. Thankfully I seem to attract guys who don’t care either, kind of relaxed and natural men, and that (obviously) suits me. It’s never ever been an issue in any of my relationships. I’m kind of “whatever” about it and so are the boys. Like I said, I could get militant on this topic and shout at random people on the street, “It’s not GROSS that I have hair under my arms. It grows there naturally, jagoff. You may not find it aesthetically pleasing, but that is a different issue entirely. You seem to think that it’s wrong that it’s there in the first place, and that means I feel complete freedom to not give a shit WHAT you think because you obviously are a moron!!” But somehow, seriously, I honestly don’t care. It just is not a trend that I feel pressure about at all. I know women who have been made completely neurotic by trying to keep up with this trend … or worrying what a guy will think if she has one strand of hair on her fancy place. Nope. Not me. It’s kind of freeing, I’m glad I’m impervious to this one, I really really am.
Materialism I carry zero debt. Not one cent. How is that possible? I have no idea except to say that I do not spend more than I earn. I have bounced only one check, and that was when I was 19 years old. Never again. I am not anti-“things” – I love my things … but I just don’t go wacky and I am very afraid of debt. Sometimes I have a really heavy spending month, where I buy 200 dollars worth of books. So then for the next couple of months, I cut back. Much of it is an internal mechanism – I am always aware of the amount of money I have in the bank. The overspending mania of the last ten years just never ever touched me. I felt no pressure to join the growing economic boom. Keeping Up with the Joneses just does not compute for me. Unless the Joneses have a massive book collection and a huge private gorgeous library. But feeling the need to buy, own, consume, acquire … it just doesn’t touch me, I’m too afraid of debt. I remained completely impervious. I loved Sex and the City, absolutely adored that show, but in no way did I want to emulate Carrie, and the shoe fetish and the overspending. I saw the show as entertaining and fascinating on a human level – men, women, friendship – but the lifestyle it depicted (and please, I could have been a character on that show: late 30s, single girl, New York City – I am in that identical demographic) did not put the pressure on me. I didn’t wonder if I was “doing it wrong”. I just kept buying my books, and then NOT buying my books when I needed to save … and I saw the show as fun and thought-provoking … but nothing more. It wasn’t a How-To Manual, is what I’m saying.
This is another thing I want to say: for the most part, in this second list of trends I pay no attention to: it is not about being contrarian, or being ANGRY that everyone else is into something you are not into. That’s what I find interesting. Those who really get hung up on why THEIR tastes are not reflected in the larger culture, or in every sitcom on television, or what the news reports, are setting themselves up for a world of heartache. Just do what you like to do. As long as it’s not illegal, who the hell cares? Like people who say, “I wish men wore suits and hats these days.” Uhm – who is stopping you from wearing a suit and a hat? Is it illegal for you to wear a fedora? The issue then becomes that everyone else ISN’T wearing a suit and a hat … so the REAL problem is that the person saying “I wish men wore suits and hats” really just wants to fit in. They don’t want to wear a hat and a suit if everyone ELSE isn’t, and they get resentful that the trend of yesteryear has passed. To wear a suit and a hat in this day and age would make you an eccentric, and the people who tend to whine “I wish this were ‘in’ these days” don’t want to be eccentric. They wish that the larger culture reflected THEM. Now, I have never really paid much attention to that stuff. By the very nature of my career choices, I am an eccentric. You get used to being out of step with what is expected of you very early on when you want to be a writer or an actress or a burlesque dancer or whatever. You may go through phases with it, where you are viciously PROUD that you’re not like everyone else, but hopefully that passes, and you just become accepting of who you are, and who everyone else is, and vive le difference, and everything’s okay. Just do your thing, let others do their thing, and don’t worry too much about the “shoulds”. Not always easy. Sometimes you look around and go, “What the hell? Why does everyone care about THIS when it matters not to me at all?” I think it’s important, though, to keep a light humorous touch in these matters – and embrace your tastes (even if they make you eccentric). You don’t have to be a douchebag about it (you know, the “I ONLY read 18th century Austrian villanelles” snots) … but just do what you like, try to be nice to others, try to cut other people slack and not assign petty motives … and go on your way.
Don’t worry that TV shows tell you “this is what it means to be a single girl of a certain age”, don’t worry that the current trend of sandals just do not work with your feet … wear the shoes you like, even if everyone else is wearing pointy-toed stilettoes. Nobody cares. Not really. Of course it’s LOVELY when you find yourself, miraculously, in sync with the culture. For example: during the “grunge era”, I could not have been more thrilled – that my natural inclination for dressing – was suddenly IN. I was in heaven! Doc Martens! Glory! Flannel shirts, jeans, black T-shirts, Elvis Costello glasses! I love to dress that way. I dress that way whether it’s in or no. I had been dressing that way since high school! But suddenly: yay! Look at me! I’m totally IN!! That of course passed, it was a brief season, and the larger culture decided: “Okay, now THIS is in.” Uhm, shit. What about my Doc Martens? I was so so happy when the “chunky sandal” trend came along – the big heels, the sort of vintage look and feel to the shoes … This is, for me, the ultimate feminine look – and because of the shape of my feet I just can’t wear certain kinds of shoes … and I got very sad during the pointy-toed trend, because I just couldn’t go there. Nope. This trend too shall pass. I will sit this one out.
There are probably others to put on the list.
I’ll keep thinking about it.
Sheila,
Edgar Allan Poe said something (canât remember the actual quote) akin to: I have a great faith in fools; my friends say it is self-confidence. It strikes me that natureâs God provided that we all look, think, and be different and yet we trip over ourselves in a stampede to undo his great idea. Odd that pride, once âlook at meâ, should have evolved into âlook at me conformâ.
Stay Sheila!
God, I love you Sheila. You’re the bravest person in the world.
How weird that I know stuff about your pubes now? LOL
I have to comment on the iPod thing. I resisted it initially….why would I need to listen to music in my ears, I’m not 15, stuck in my bedroom, living with my parents. But I got a taste of it and have never looked back. I’ve now upgraded to the Touch and I listen to it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
A few weeks ago, after a conversation with my mother, I realized she had never heard music through an iPod (via the earbuds of course) so I selected a beautiful Pavarotti aria and showed her how to put the earbuds in.
When the music began, her eyes became wide. When Luciano started singing, she turned to me in amazement and screamed (because she couldn’t hear herself of course) “OH MY GOD! This is….this is…unbelievable!”
After a few minutes she removed the earbuds and said “I never knew music could sound like that!” I wanted to cry.
She’s 70. I think she’s getting an iPod for Mother’s Day.
George – lovely! Yes, we all must follow our own paths and be okay with that! There will always be those telling us what we should be into … who cares??
// How weird that I know stuff about your pubes now? LOL//
hahahahahaha
I am totally okay with my choices. I just don’t care! I’m almost at the point where, in the process of vetting a man for a relationship I almost want to say, “What is your position on women’s body hair? Do you realize that it is actually SUPPOSED to be there and if we shave it off it is because we CHOOSE to?” These are the most important questions to ask in the vetting process. Well, that, and “do you like me? Check yes or no.”
That story about your mother is so moving!! yes – technology can be overwhelming and you can get caught up in having to have the new latest thing … but God, there really are possibilities in a lot of this stuff. My iPod has opened up my entire music collection to me in a way that just would not have been possible when everything was on separate CDs or cassette tapes. I absolutely love it.
Oh girl…I know what you mean about the whole vetting thing…
It’s almost like you should start the relationship out hairy so you don’t set a precedent.
There have been times that I have canceled a date because I just didn’t feel like doing the whole hair removal process. Sometimes it’s just TOO much!
hahaha Yeah, no precedent!!
I go to the gym in Hoboken and I’m older than everyone there – and at times I am convinced in the locker room that I am the only person with pubes in a 5 mile radius. Everyone looks like they’re pubescent. Which is fine if you like it … but when it sets the precedent that there is something wrong with the fact that you have hair there … when the reaction from a man is “ew” to how your body naturally is ….
No, no, no. Sheila not down with that.
Besides, I have enough to worry about with body image issues and the messages I get from the larger culture about THAT without adding my vagina into the mix. No. Leave her out of it!! She’s just fine!!
We should start a movement: Don’t Judge My Vagina!
Oh, bless you for this post. My current employer is all about enforcing trends. I am scrutinized every day because I don’t adhere to the standard they set. It’s fine if people want to buy x, y and z because they were inspired by the so-called tastemakers. I don’t judge. Do what makes you feel good, but don’t make the rest of us feel like trolls if we choose none of the above, especially in this economy. And besides, current fashion is different from personal style.
Um, clearly I have an ax to grind at work. Sorry for the rant. But I just want to say that I also did not enjoy Tuesdays with Morrie. It’s like the Forrest Gump of books for me. I mean, it was fine but I didn’t see what all the fuss was about. When I would tell people about my distaste for either, they would look at me like I had just said, “I like to punch babies in the face and make them cry.”
I’m not heartless or trying to rain on anyone’s parade. I just didn’t dig it. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t understand why it makes some people so uncomfortable.
And De, that’s a beautiful story about your mother!
Interesting topic, the trends we do or do not follow. For me, functionality is a far bigger factor as to whether I’ll adopt a trend than say, fashion.
As far as the body hair trend, I lightly touched on this back in March when the issue of licensing the people who do waxing in NJ hit the news. It doesn’t really matter to me, nor to any of the other guys I know who around my age. Is it a twenty/thirty something deal?
Dave E – I remember that post. There’s all this stuff coming out now about women getting infections from constant Brazilians. Duh. Because hair is supposed to be there. Again, I’m not anti-waxing – it’s the attitude that grown women shouldn’t have pubic hair that really gets my goat. And, without being graphic (or, shall I say, MORE graphic) – I’ve found that older men are way more relaxed about this stuff. It’s the dudes who have an “ew” response to the natural state of a woman’s body that I stay FAR the hell away from. It seems to suggest deeper issues and I just don’t want that attitude in my life.
The reason I asked about age is I wonder if it’s related to internet porn, where the brazilian look is common, or so I’ve heard. I bet for a lot of young men these days that’s where they first formed an impression of the female body, and the internet is something that wasn’t around in my teen years. They would be twenty/thirty somethings now, and that might explain the difference.
Trends I do not give a shit about:
Alcohol.
That sounds like a stupid one, but I swear, I get the weirdest looks when I’m out and I order a G&T. In my circle of friends, everyone either drinks beer or some kind of alcopop. Which, ew. I’ve been drinking gin&tonics since I began drinking alcohol, basically because I find it tasty and it doesn’t make me queasy like other drinks do. But I’ve actually been given odd looks by bartenders and my friends all slag me for it.
Curly, I totally feel your pain about being chastised for not enjoying a particular film. When Slumdog Millionaire opened earlier this year, I saw it opening weekend and absolutely loathed it (I actually had the weirdest visceral response to that film, I found it difficult to walk out of the cinema because my legs were shaking too much). People know I usually get to all the major film releases so I had loads of friends and relatives asking me what I thought of it, and everytime I said I hated it they looked at me as if I had said that I had converted to Scientology. A mixture of disgust, pity, fear and bafflement. Eventually I started being almost apologetic when people asked me for my opinion, like “Well, I didn’t really…um…it wasn’t my thing really, sorry, but y’know, YOU might like it…”. Ugh. Funny thing was, on the internet, everyone hated it (or so it seemed). But in real life, nope. Everyone loved that loveable old Slumdog.
Dave E – I definitely think it is a generational thing. I hope it’s a trend. Like: “God, member when an entire generation of men thought pubic hair on women was gross and wrong? Thank God THAT passed.”
Like I mentioned – it’s hard enough to be happy with your own body type and shape when every single image coming at you from every side is telling you: THIS is the ideal at this moment in time. I have to find ways to be happy with my thighs, my ass, whatever, because it doesn’t fit with what is being blared at me from all sides. Again, thank goodness that people’s tastes and preferences (for the most part) don’t actually change – or – for MANY they don’t … so you can always find a man who thinks your body type is awesome and just what he likes … and he DOESN’T think Nicole Richie is the be-all end-all of female beauty.
The real trick is to not get too bitter about that stuff – “why isn’t MY body type in right now??” That goes along with what I was saying at the end of my post … These things are trends, they ebb and flow … you really cannot ride that wave. Just know that who you are and what you are will have value to someone – and try not to take those messages from the larger culture of fashion and entertainment too seriously.
But when the larger culture starts to tell me what my genitalia should look like, I really must draw the line.
Catherine – A long time ago on this site I wrote some post called “Things I Hate That I’m Supposed to Love” – and there were all these movies on it (Forrest Gump being the main one) – and I still get pleading emails from random strangers asking me to give Forrest Gump another chance.
Why does it matter so much to them?? Why do they care?
I love lots of things that many other people hate … I don’t write them pleading emails about it.
I know exactly what you mean about having a visceral dislike to a film – I had that with FG … and it was a similar situation – the entire world was having an orgasm about that movie and I not only didn’t like it, but felt a visceral hatred for it that basically turned me into Archie Bunker.
A very strange moment of being totally out of sync with the zeitgeist!!
You totally quoted Nina Garcia when talking about body hair. Hahahaha! That made my day.
I did? Which part? It was totally unconscious. Oh my God, she is IN MY BRAIN and I don’t even know it!!
In re suits and hats:
I think I read once that one factor in the demise of widespread hat-wearing among men was the change in car body design. When cars (including rooflines) got lower, you started knocking your hat off getting in and out of the car.
I think there’s something to it. I wear a fedora most of the time, and I have sort of learned to work around it, but it still happens now and then. Which reminds me — I need to get my hat cleaned and blocked. Aren’t many places around doing that any more.
Ken – see, that puzzles me. I’d just take the hat off and toss it on the seat, and then put it on when I arrived. Practical and sensible.
Good point, nightfly, and when I have only the hat I do that.
Alas, I’m also usually dealing with a courier bag, a lunchbox, and at least one book. I can either mash the hat (no thanks, it’s $20 to get it cleaned and blocked) or perch it on something and have to retrieve it from the (really quite filthy down here…/Gilderoy Lockhart) passenger footwell.
“It’s just not aesthetically pleasing” is possibly one of the best quotes to come out of reality TV. You made it your own with “you may not find it aesthetically pleasing.” haha
Jen –
hahahaha!! Now I am picturing Nina Garcia catcalling me from across the street about my armpit hair and how she finds it not “aesthetically pleasing”.
hahaha SHUT UP, NINA.