The Sheila Variations

You know what I hate even more? Is Lucas claiming that his "improvements" are about "good filmmaking", and that what fans think shouldn't matter. I can totally appreciate the self-expression and individuality of the artist, and the importance of being true to their own vision, but any director who doesn't have their audience in mind - especially the audience of something as beloved as Star Wars - is a self-important, egomaniacal asswipe.

Thanks for blowing one of the happiest parts of my childhood, @#$%head Lucas.

What George Lucas has failed to realize is that Star Wars does not belong to him.

Any movie that is that huge a phenomenon ceases being the vision of one man.

Star Wars belongs to everybody.

It's bad...no doubt about it. But its hardly the worst change in a 'rerelease'. Lets not forget that now in E.T. the agents chasing E.T. down don't carry guns, but only walkie-talkies. Can you see it now? "Stop...or I'll radio my other buddies who can't shoot you either"

Just reminds me of the line from the otherwise eminently forgettable sequel to Gremlins: "Casablanca, now in color...and with a happier ending."

Dave J - HA!!

Not sure if this is a true story but I heard that Orson Welles, on his death bed, said ... "Rosebud!!" (no, just kidding) The story goes that Welles said, "You make sure that Ted Turner keeps his goddamn Crayolas off my movies."

What the prequel trilogy lacks most of all is a Han Solo type character, I think far more people identified with Solo than with Kenobi or Skywalker.

I can live with all the other "improvements", but Greedo shooting first is @#^!ing unacceptable. More than any other moment, including the "better her than me!" line, it defined the character.

Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes. Or maybe Ralph Reed does.

But the majority of people like characters with some ambiguity.

Why else would Stanley Kowalski be such an attractive character to people, even though his behavior, at times, is pretty awful?

We can relate to characters like Han Solo because none of us is good ALL the time, thank the good Lord.

"Why else would Stanley Kowalski be such an attractive character to people, even though his behavior, at times, is pretty awful?"

Because Marlon Brando was really, really hot in the movie version (the only one I've seen).

As was Han Solo.

(Hot, I mean.)

It's that whole bad-boy thing. Han Solo has to shoot first. Cause it's HOT.

Uh ... what am I, 12?

You mean, "Don't even try, George! Don't even TRY!"?

I liked the old Han better too, although I must admit I identified more with Luke. I have always been a Boy Scout at heart...if not much of one.

You thought it was hot; I thought it was cool: he was a badass, so women wanted Han and guys wanted to be him. And Greedo shooting first is something I just refuse to accept, as it turns a singularly definitive moment on its head. Han's not evil, of course, but he's not particularly moral either and constantly operates WAY outside the law.

Ken -

HAHAHAHAHA

Very good one. Very good. Yes, I mean: DON'T EVEN TRY, GEORGE!!

I liked Luke much better in Empire Strikes Back when he got all gnarly Zen Master in the jungle with Yoda. I related to him more then.

Dave J-

Exactly. You need Han to have that on-the-fringe mentality. It balances the whole film. That is the POINT of the character.

Of course he's operating outside the law, look at who the law is out there. Gangsters or tyrants.

Another part of Han's appeal is the absolute freedom he enjoys. He has his own ship, he goes where he pleases. He hangs out with Chewbacca and has friends like the smooooth Lando Calrissian. He seduces stuck-up Princesses with barely the slightest effort.

Who am I supposed to identify with now? A petulant, whiny brat with tendencies towards creepy stalkerness? Sure, he gets Amidala, but her personality is about as deep as a puddle. She's empirically better looking than Leia, but Leia is much more desirable.

The other part about that "improved" scene was that it also made Han weaker. In the original he survived the encounter because of his attitude and ability, in the new version he survived because he was either lucky or Greedo was incompetent (missing a shot at that range). The PC version of Han Solo would never have survived the life that Han Solo had.

It makes me think. How much does the push to be "more correct" also push us men today to be that much weaker, less interesting, and less appealing? Ah, the unintended consequences.

There is NO ONE to identify with in the prequels. No one - even Jedi like Liam Neelson or Ewan MacGregor. Sure, they have mystic powers (although Lucas has manged to ruin the force as well with that horrid lame-ass pseudo-racial theory about blood) - but are they any fun. Take Obi-wan out for beeer and he'd probably be all using the force to hide your 'deathsticks.' Lame-o.

Yeah, the whole "force is in your blood" thing made my own blood run cold.

Lucas missed his OWN point!!

My word. I became so overwrought my spelling and grammar flew out the window. Quiet time for me now, I think.

Aaron-

I like your way of thinking.

Damn, people, if all of this is so obvious to us ... why can't Lucas see it?

Dan -

I'd like it if you would take me out for a "beeer".

I am so overwrought myself that I barely noticed your grammar problems.

'Beeer' is just shorthand for 'I'm having more than one' or 'I'm backing up that cold one with a Powers.'

It's obvious in retrospect.

"Deathsticks"...I guess that passes for subtle social commentary in Lucasland.

I couldn't stand that deathsticks, thing. I couldn't stand the "kiss my grits" robot waitress ... it was too familiar, too - 70s pop-culture. What the hell is a 1950s diner doing in a galaxy far far away?

Very disappointing.

However - I will maintain my transcendent memories of seeing those first movies (well - except for the Ewok debacle). They were magic.

George Lucas cannot take that away from us!!

I think I need a beeer.

Beeers all around, we're drink to the Original Trilogy and lament the fact that no one has told George Lucas "no!" since 1983.

One thing that occurs to me: everyone worth paying any attention to recognizes that ESB was best of the original three (see the conversation on this point in Clerks). It wasn't directed by Lucas! Sure, the story was his, but the best of Star Wars came out of him opening up his loosely-framed vision for others to play with the details, and this seemed to cut exactly the opposite way with the prequels, over which he exerted absolute and jealous authority.

Bill - indeed. I guess he confused 'escapism through film' with 'op ed page.'

Yup.

Empire Strikes Back is the best of the trilogy - and that's because Lucas had to let go of it.

I still can't believe he look at that film, himself, after all this time, and recognize that.

The blinders are permanent.

Dan -

Oops - see how discombobbled I am now, by the wording of last comment?

Correction:

"I can't believe he can look at that film (Empire Strikes Back), himself, after all this time, and NOT recognize that."

Duh

You know, Sheila, I was just thinking how very Che/Fidel you sounded with that "Star Wars belongs to all of us" comment. Perhaps we should all collectivize and overthrow the evil Lucasfilm Ltd. regime and re-distribute the script rights to the People™ to decide the fate of the DVD?

Yes, yes...a committee!

Emily -

This is a very good idea.

There should be a takeover by the fans.

Excellent. The Rebel Base Brigade, Hoth Division. Commandante Emily aka 'Che-bacca'. Spec Ops Coordinator Sheila 'Red Five' O'Malley.
Our motto is beeer, geekery and the lash.

Death to the tyrant Lucas! Viva la revolucion!

Or something like that.

Will it be complete with fan tribunals to try those accused of crimes against fandom?

A generation of geeks wearing t-shirts with a simple black portrait of Sheila?

Some Cuban deathsticks would go good with the beeers.

Bill - don't forget stylish berets. No revolution is complete without them.

There will be a takover by the fans shortly after the committee votes itself free beeer. ;-)

We need to write some kind of pamphlet and pass it around in the dead of night.

Maybe we could just put together all of our posts on this topic ... and call it ...

"Das Lucas"

or something

Emily, my revolutionary sister, the berets are an inspired idea.

We could condense these assorted comments into a pamphlet, written by our "Committee". We'd need a more stylish name for it, though.

Yikes, you are all quick. I move on to read some other posts and already you have planned and formed the executive committee of the revolution to retake Star Wars from the Evil Lucas Empire(tm). Where do I sign up? Surely there are some "expendable fanatic" positions still available. ;)

We could just call it the "Force".

"Where ya goin', Comrade?"

"Oh, nothin' ... just got this Force meeting at 3..."

"Cool ... let's go grab a beeer after..."

"Hey, who's that tagging along with you?"

"Oh, that's Aaron. he's our expendable fanatic."

Haha...power to the people.

Lucas is a control freak with megalomaniacal tendencies. But I suppose the fact that we're all sitting around talking about him halfway validates his grossly over-inflated self-opinion.

Personally, I haven't cared for anything since ESB.

Just for the sake of propagating the meme before anyone else does, I feel compelled to say:

All his Star Wars are belong to us.

I'll go with "The Force".

I'm not growing a long beard, though,

The Protocols of the Elders of Lucasfilm: details their insidious plots, from the infamous Greedo conspiracy on, to debase the People's beloved films.

You know what?

Okay, here's the thing: I said that "Star Wars belongs to all of us" thing COMPLETELY sincerely at the time.

And now, 4 hours later - it just seems funnier and funnier.

Did I actually say that? In all seriousness?

I am such an asshole.

You said it, and we aren't letting you forget it.

It is his work, but if some video pirates somewhere put out the original versions on DVD, I'd buy them and say screw the bonus features.

Careful with that "fanatic" stuff, Aaron. Remember what happened to Leon Trotsky?

Emily is right, we know where to find a pick axe.

totally.

i don't need any han sanitizer.

i like my hans dirty, thank you very much.

The way I see it there are two types of Star Wars fans. The ones who loved the originals, and the geeks who loved the originals so much they can't see how much the new ones suck. To them it is blasphemy to say anything negative about Lucas and his work.
Lucas should never have directed the latest installments. I was amazed that he auditioned thousands of child actors and came up with the kid we see in Episode I. I'm even more amazed that he can take fairly good actors and make them look like Soap Opera rejects. You have to be a pretty bad director to accomplish this.
Every time I read anything new about Lucas it makes me cringe at what an asshole he is. I'm no longer sure if he joined the dark side, or if he was always part of it.

I don't know if anyone is still checking this board, but I just found it in a bored moment so here's my tidbit...

Check out the interview with Lucas in this week's Entertainment Weekly. He now has deluded himself into the fact that Greedo always shot first. Nevermind that it is not on screen. He says that that was the way that he imagined the scene. He goes on to say that killing people is not cool. Therefore his Han Solo would never do such a thing.

What a putz.

I agree with one of the above writers. Thank you my Lucas for taking something that I loved as a kid and completely destroying it. And is he seriously saying that it took him 15+years to write EpsI-III? C'mon..he wrote them over a weekend in his Ivory Tower.

The Force..now with new fresh Metachlorians (howver the hell you spell it)...sounds like a laudry detergent.

Ok I'm rambling...