It’s funny, the things you remember. I look at these pictures, casual pictures of me and Mitchell, enjoying coffee on our front steps in Chicago, and if I want to tell the backstory, it involves no less than 4 men. Welcome to my Floozy 20s.
We lived right behind the Music Box theatre. This is the home where my main flame used to break into my bedroom at all hours of the night. It was a happy – and intense – time there. I had fallen madly in love. With this guy, referred to from here on out as “74 Facts guy”. It had crashed and burned and I was a wreck. I never got over him, to be honest. Not really. But in the meantime – ah, the weird resiliency of youth – or at least mine – I was still dating other people AND seeing Window-Boy – all at the same time. I keep telling you. I was wild. At the time these photos were taken – why do I remember this? – I was just on the tail-end of this sloth-like “dating” experience – the whole “If I go any slower, I will stop” experience – and was feeling a sense of freedom that I had kicked him to the curb. When these photos were taken, I had no idea that within half a year I would be in New York. It all happened very quickly. Here I was, with all the time in the world. But things were intense and I was so sad about 74 Facts guy. He changed my life, my whole world. To this day, I never loved anyone like I loved him. And stopping seeing him was like “sawing off a body limb”, to quote Eminem. But that didn’t mean I ever – not once – stopped seeing the Window-Boy. THAT had nothing to do with falling in LOVE, Window-Boy was my safe place, my comfort zone. I wasn’t emotionally ATTACHED to him, you understand. (Or so I thought. Because I’m smart in some ways and dumb in others.) Somewhere in my head I knew that eventually I would have to drop Window-Boy, obviously, if anything developed in a more serious way with someone else – and I often wondered, “But … how can he and I ever stop doing what we’re doing? Maybe I can still just see him on the side? Who would it hurt?” Oh, young Sheila. MEANWHILE, I had zero idea at the time Window-Boy was the really important one, the one who would last, the one who would have the most impact. I mean, it was already HAPPENING and I didn’t realize it.
To complicate things further, I was still saying “Yes” to pretty much everyone who asked me out. With some fun results and some disastrous results, and some irritating results like “I think we should slow down” guy. Dude. I can’t GO any slower. Do you have any idea how fast I am? Seriously. I’m FAST. Your sloth’s pace barely even registers on my over-charged speedometer. I was so over it.
To add yet ONE MORE MAN to the subtext of this picture – see that cup I’m holding? It’s this cup, the one I stole, during my brief comforting romance with Michael the previous fall.
So, to recount: simultaneously I was
1. madly in love with 74 Facts guy
2. mourning 74 facts guy
3. fucking around with Window-Boy
4. enjoying really my first normal romance with Michael.
5. dating around, finding that most men couldn’t hold a candle to the above-mentioned Triumvirate.
None of this felt like cheating. None of it WAS cheating. Everything was up in the air, un-finalized. The only thing that WAS final – the only thing that was LASTING – only I didn’t realize it at the time – was Window-Boy.
Such were my 20s. I’m still friends with Michael. On occasion I still hear from 74 Facts guy. I never know when he’ll pop up. We’re each others’ Roads Not Taken and What If’s.
And Window-Boy? He’s gone. (Coincidentally, it’s his birthday today.) But we closed our relationship beautifully, with everything said we needed to say, everything out in the open and a clear awareness and gratitude that we found each other.
But to that girl in the picture? With her white plastic barrettes and little polka dot dress and … white leggings? Really, Sheila? White leggings? She thought 74 Facts guy was THE one. She knew she would never get over him and she didn’t. She considered Michael as the next valid option, a calmer option, a more comfortable option. This led to a wedding proposal a couple years later, but that’s another story. And she considered Window-Boy her crazy playmate. Which he was. But he was so much more. The girl in the white plastic barrettes had NO IDEA how much more.
Thank God I figured it out eventually. Like, last April. No time like the present.
OMG Sheila, did you live parts of my life 20+ years later?
I’ve read most of the pieces about this time in your life, but never saw it as clearly as this. You had Chicago. I had Manhattan. 22-50. That was when I finally left. I figured the sexual revolution was over. At least mine was — so I might as well leave. Hardest move I ever made. Tried going back (well, to LBI, then West New York). That didn’t work AT ALL, so came to NH. I hope it’s my last move. I was fine until I opened the Times and saw Joe Allen’s obit. Then I had to mourn. For him, but especially for me.
Melissa – I was only in Chicago for 5 years but it felt like a lifetime. I still have a very deep connection to the city.
Okay, I’m dying to know- was Window-Boy an Aquarius or a Pisces? Or did he roll eyes at that kind of question hahaha.
I love your pieces about the men in your life. I was always like that, dating multiple men at one time, some meaning more than others. And then I’d have long gaps. Could have realized sooner I was polyamorous lol. I don’t LIKE the idea that I should shut off a beautiful connection with one person because I have a connection with another person.
Of course, I realized that right before the world went crazy and I lost all energy or interest in dating. Something to look forward to in the After Covid, I guess.
Myrtle – // was Window-Boy an Aquarius or a Pisces? //
Lol !!! He would most definitely have rolled his eyes. Here’s a very strange detail – I was (most probably) conceived on my parents’ wedding anniversary – or thereabouts – February 18 … which means I was conceived the day he was born. (He was a year older). Like … what are the odds? So weird.
So … he was an Aquarius! I’m a Sagittarius. What does this mean?? It clearly was a pairing that worked but in very small doses.
// Could have realized sooner I was polyamorous //
Lol!!! I had no idea what that even was at the time – and not sure I really am that, or … maybe? at the time … all these guys all served different purposes. Lol. At least I chose them well. No psychos!
// Of course, I realized that right before the world went crazy and I lost all energy or interest in dating. Something to look forward to in the After Covid, I guess. //
I know. So weird. It feels too risky. I’m not sure how people are managing it right now.
Hmmm. Air sign: busy brain. Last quarter of the zodiac : Air + metaphysical outlook. Pisces would be water/ empathy with a metaphysical outlook.
Deals with the world on a more universal/ global/ metaphysical scale than a personal one. A bit itchy with the personal element. “Don’t crowd me or confine me”, maybe even commitment-phobic (I have a big sign in Aquarius lol).
A part of me that wrote that JUST to troll the unknowing Window-Boy. If he ever came here and read this, he’d scroll down and see… this. Me analyzing his horoscope hahahaha. Just imagining his disgust hahaha.
I learned a ton about astrology while procrastinating in 1st year university lol. I don’t like the idea of a celestial dictatorship (thankyou Christopher Hitchens). But it’s a tool for self-reflection, I guess. I can give (very) contrasting parts of myself a name.
I do keep my eye on certain astrological quirks. Like how a HIGH % of people I’m attracted to were born in a 2-week period. Well, two separate single weeks of the calendar (my exact squares). And I have a Mars in Scorpio. And I can just about feel when someone has Venus or Mars in Scorpio. There’s a very distinct vibration with each.
IMO sun sign dynamics are overrated for chemistry- or misunderstood – and Venus/ Mars are underrated. That’s what I’d be googling if I were you lol, what your Venus/Mars signs were. For pure chemical energy, I’ve always found it’s squares and the “love & passion” signs.
That “born when you were conceived” thing is really cool though. Cosmic tumblers indeed. I wonder how you would have reacted to each other if you’d met at a different time in your life. Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten along. But it seems impossible to me that you wouldn’t have clicked, still.
I tend to click with my lifelong kindred spirits immediately.
Myrtle –
This is great – I love your expertise.
// Just imagining his disgust hahaha. // lol!! yes, I tried to get him to be excited that we had been talking about a song and then it played on the radio right then – “wow – how wild that we were JUST talking about that song!!” him, lighting a cigarette, “pure coincidence, doesn’t mean anything.” “Jesus, thanks for the sunshine.”
Celestial dictatorship! Oh, Hitchens.
okay so how are Aquarius and Sagittarius as a match-up? Your description of Aquarius is very much who he was, actually. Big picture, for sure. almost Zen, in a very weird way. sometimes annoyingly so. He only got angry at me once. In 11 years. and I deserved his wrath and he let me have it. lol not physically or anything, just like “this is bullshit, don’t ever do that again.” (Basically, I had been in a dangerous situation on a train platform at like midnight – and I hadn’t called him from a pay phone to come get me. That was my big sin. I had been telling it to him as a funny story – which I thought it was in retrospect – but he let me know it was not funny AT ALL and that if he ever heard I was in danger and DIDN’T call him to come get me, he was done with me forever.) I was shocked. It was one of those moments where I thought to myself, “Wowwww. He cares about me. This is why this is happening. Okay. I had no idea.” Like … I hadn’t “gotten it” before he yelled at me. I am laughing as I type this. I’m hopeless!!
// how a HIGH % of people I’m attracted to were born in a 2-week period. //
wow, that’s wild! I have the same thing, actually – soooo many of my dearest friends – AND family members – are Scorpios. I did have my chart done once – I can’t remember all the deets though (bad Sheila!) – but I did have a lot of Scorpio in my sign. maybe drawn to them because of that? late October is a very busy birthday time.
// I tend to click with my lifelong kindred spirits immediately. //
Yup. Me too.
Funny – I just got together (socially distanced) with one of my best friends. We met when we were 10 years old. She was a new girl in school. We basically just looked at each other and that was IT. we are still friends. 10 years old! But we kNEW!
Wrote a long response at night weeks ago, and forgot to post it in the morning lol.
I consider myself a “dabbler”. I don’t want to pretend I’m an expert. But I feel like many signs and dynamics are misunderstood lol. And much more interesting and complex. I think of the horoscope as like a clock- 12 segments. A kind of karmic journey, teaching lessons as one passes through each sign. Aries is the baby, the “purest”. Aries-Cancer are exploring the personal: ME, WANT, THINK, FEEL. Leo-Scorpio explore aspects of community/ society. And then the last 4 signs take all that and add the metaphysical & transcendental.
The good part of Aquarius is they’re accepting and curious. The giving space thing goes both ways. That’s only fair, and air signs are huge on fairness. I dont feel I fully understand Sagittarius. I have no fire in my “inner” chart, none at all. I don’t know where it “sits” in the body. If Air is head, Water is heart, and Earth is gut (as in gut instinct), what is Fire? Loin (want/ desire)?
But Sag is Fire + Metaphysical outlook. What does that mean? Beats me lmao. I know it FELT like flirty guys who act passionate & intense. Then when you want anything concrete- a date, an explanation of their actual feelings- poof! It’s as if they were never there. Passionate, but only theoretically so.
Adventurer archetype. The Archer. A warrior, but something untethered/ metaphysical about it. So, a quest. Aries are warriors in their immediate vicinity. Leos are warriors, fighters, about things on the earthly plane- their fellow human beings, money, fame. Sagittarius looks higher. They might not know what their quest is, they just know there’s a Holy Grail…. somewhere.
It drives my Capricorn ass INSANE. Yes, Cap is metaphysical Earth. But that just means we’re visionaries or caretakers of society. We’re still practical! We build, with solid materials. The Saturn/ father archetype. “Sounds great, but how are you going to pay for it?”
I hope this wasn’t too invasive, but I looked up your chart at this link: https://alabe.com/freechart/ . I once got bored and went through my Facebook friends list haha. I felt it wasn’t too invasive when you could literally get their birthday from their profile, or they’d told you. But that’s not telling someone who didn’t ask “hey, I looked you up.” Bless you, you have a lot of intense signs (and placements). Lots of contrasting instincts. But we share a lot of signs, so hey high five! But unlike me, you have strong signs in all 4 elements. So you should be brave AND intellectual AND empathetic AND practical.
I looked up Pat McCurdy bc you said everything was sexual hahaha. LOL so much Scorpio for a poor Air sign. That is not an easy mix. I read once that side-by-side signs sometimes “reject” the precious sign’s energy. Like getting extra mad when someone makes the same mistakes you once did. See me and Sag haha. If you have lots of Scorpio it probably smooths that over. Or, they’re both strong parts of you.
No wonder you guys clicked, your charts are so similar lol. Oh Sheila. Always surrounded by Scorpio energy, like you said. He’s a Venus in Scorpio. They’re the woooooorst (esp if combined with Sag Sun- I’ve known 3 of those and NEVER AGAIN). I don’t have any issues w/ Sag women, for some reason. We get along great. Maybe women are trained culturally to examine their feelings? They don’t give the “Well *I* don’t know how I feel” like it’s someone else’s responsibility hahaha.
Venus= how you engage with the world. Your social comfort zone. Scorpio tries to draw you in, make you obsessed, preferably sexually. And bc it’s just their Venus sign, it has nothing to do with the rest of them!! It’s just how they say “Hey, how are you?” It’s the wooooorst! Fuckin teases!
You have a Moon in Scorpio. You’re not a tease. You mean it. You might mean “pure disinterest”, but you mean it. There’s no coquettish there. Ah, I love Scorpio energy. Can be neurotic as hell- this is the sign that’s discovering darkness, betrayal, despair, death, the Underworld. But no sign is as determined to live deeply. To taste everything. The symbols of Scorpio are the Scorpion, the Eagle, and the Phoenix (IIRC you have a Phoenix tattoo- I’ve thought of getting one myself). A destructive, transformational fire.
And hey, what comes after Scorpio? Sagittarius. What karmic lessons are they left with? Courage. After all that pain, what one learns is courage. That one can be brave while *not* knowing the ending. You – as in Sheila, given your chart- have the answers to Scorpio’s fearful questions within you.
But yeah *pats shoulder awkwardly* about all the karmic transformation lol. I’m sure you’re greatly comforted by the fact that your NEXT life is sure to be an easy ride ;).
Myrtle!! It took me an unforgivably long time to get back to this – but here I am – and thank you for doing this – so funny! I so appreciate it – even though, yikes, my chart is distressing – and, yeah, my life has been to some degree too. lol!!
// I dont feel I fully understand Sagittarius. //
lol I don’t either and I am one. I just know that I read descriptions of it – and it all rings true. Scorpios have the bad “reputation” for being difficult (I’ve never found them to be so) – but I think we – as in Sagittarians – are potentially way more difficult. Don’t fence us in. and yet – when we fall in love – we go ALL. OUT. Hmmm. Make up your mind?
Fairly certain that many Christian martyrs and/or heretics and/or cult leaders may be Sagittarian. actually I should look into that. I think a fanatical outlook is one of the pitfalls. and also a disinterest in the earthly plane, as you mention.
// But unlike me, you have strong signs in all 4 elements. So you should be brave AND intellectual AND empathetic AND practical. //
I think this is true although sometimes I’m not so practical.
// I looked up Pat McCurdy // LOL!!!
// I don’t have any issues w/ Sag women, for some reason. // Thank goodness!!
// You – as in Sheila, given your chart- have the answers to Scorpio’s fearful questions within you. //
That’s so interesting!
and yes – good memory – I do have a phoenix tattoo. Never regretted it – it’s always a potent symbol.
again, thanks for all of this – I find all this information very thought-provoking.