I am laughing OUT LOUD reading this post from Steve Silver.
Here’s the background: Steve picked up on my sadness that Romantic Depot had come to town.
So Steve posted about it and he got hate mail from the manager of the store. An email rank with horrible spelling and grammar.
I want hate mail! Dammit! (I am gonna be sorry I posted this.)
Oh, and here’s a small adendum to my original post (for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about: My favorite video store was taken over by “romantic comedy” succubae and I was bummed about it):
I have since learned that Romantic Depot is actually a chain. And their deal is “movies for couples” – which is a euphemism for soft-core porn, apparently. Does that mean … er … every Red Shoe Diaries ever made, or…? Emmanuelle 1, 2, 3, 4, and the horrific 5? I can’t rent Vertigo there, but I can rent Bush Pilots 3?
I walked by there today and saw a huge sign in the window: COUPLES WELCOME! And member how I described their new design, with the rug and the fish tank? All that is now gone – I peeked in, and I saw shelves and shelves filled with sex toys. Romantic Depot’s thing is carrying a huge selection of porn in the back, stocking up on the naughty lingerie and lube, and then saying to unwitting new customers, “We focus on romantic comedies.”
Now, weirdly enough, I lived in Hoboken long enough to remember what was in that spot beFORE my favorite video store Take 3, and it was a … “novelty” store. Don’t know what to call it. The kind of stores that line West 4th in the Village. Porn videos, sex toys, and lube. It was ALWAYS empty (the one in Hoboken, I mean. The ones on West 4th are always packed. Or … er … so I’ve heard.)
So now I know what Romantic Depot is really about.
They were selling off True Grit and Double Indemnity as quickly as they could to make way for the butt plugs.
And basically, I’m pissed that I didn’t get any hate mail.
One last note: I have nothing against porn. NOTHING. It’s just that I miss my old video store, and my movie-geek clerks.
I have nothing to add, I just like saying “They were selling off True Grit and Double Indemnity as quickly as they could to make way for the butt plugs.”
Ooh ooh- they have pseudo-porn! I guess they can try to have Zalman King come and do a book signing.
You know, David Duchovny was the lead-guy in the first Red Shoe Diaries.
Mark – I’m gonna get some weird Google-visitors from that one.
butt+plugs+True+Grit …
And you have no one to blame but yourself. This time.
Even better search, Sheila: Indemnity against silver butt plugs that come from diary of David Duchovny and other Zalman Kings.
Sheila’s first hate mail:
Dear Ms. O’Mallee
I think you r a big jurk. You have a nasty way of turning a fraze. It makes me mad when you say things about porn. Ogrophy. Porn is for every body. It’s called Freedom of Speech you know! Honestly. You don’t know your hash from a whole in the ground.
Yours
Alexandra Billings
(and don’t try and find me niether. I’m hiding. In the closet. Under the clothes. Near my Faragamos.)
Alex – brilliant. Especially the “Freedom of Speech” moment. So spot on!!
Oh, ewwwwwwww! So it’s basically a soft-core-porn and “romantic novelties” store, kind of like you see on every interstate exchange out here in the Midwest. (No town will have them, so they go into the no-man’s-land out at Exit 15 or something). (Try explaining to the six year old new reader traveling with you why they wouldn’t find Hot Wheels at “Trixie’s Toy Box”)
My question is: With Dish-on-Demand and PPV, do they really do much of a video business? I mean, if I and my currently-hypothetical male consort were in the mood, we’d not kill it by having to get in the car, drive out to some icky store, maybe have clerks ogling us…we’d just download what we needed right on the television.
Yeah, I know, the “novelties,” but are they really that big of a moneymaker?
Ricki – I remember there being a huge novelty store on the interstate in between Chicago and Milwaukee – I believe it was even painted pink (or did I just imagine that?) With a huge sign: ADULT STORE or something like that. The parking lot was always jam-packed – but it was right on the highway, like a state liquor store in New Hampshire or something.
If you could see the placement of this Romantic Depot: it’s on a small main street, with a lot of foot traffic, kids in strollers, there’s a deli right next door, and a TOY STORE on the other side.
Yeah, people are gonna feel totally comfortable sashaying in there.
I get all my gadgetry in the Village, where it’s anonymous, and nobody gives a shit.
Hell, there has to be at least half a dozen stores between Milwaukee and Chicago these days. And all of them have full lots. My favorite is the one with the giant cylindrical balloon on the roof. Paging Dr. Freud….
I don’t get why someone would go out in the middle of mowhere to get their porn; there are plenty of shops in Milwaukee and Chicago. Unless these people want to go somewhere they won’t be recognized. Wimps.
I used to work two blocks away from one and would occassionaly go in on my lunch break. Once, as I and a co-worker were walking out, we ran into our boss who was walking by. I cheerfully said, “Hey, how ya doing!” He just shook his head, said “I don’t want to know about it,” and kept walking.
Try Japanese movies for an erotic twist. “Pillow Talk” is a bit old but good. The moral is critics beware of the second generation artist. “Bound” is what it sounds like. “The tatooed woman” is the english name for another 80’s movie that the japanese name starts something like IZ… Sorry, I don’t do hate mail.