In the following letter to his good friend John Laurens in South Carolina, Hamilton describes what he wants in a wife. Amusing how men often make fun of women for having really specific lists of what they want in a mate and somehow they believe they don’t have requirements?? None? You love to laugh, but you wouldn’t mind having a humorless woman? Come on now. Admit it. You’ve got a couple of requirements too. Granted, Hamilton is kind of joking here, Laurens was a very good friend … but still. Read this list!! I find it very amusing. He was picky. On the positive side: he found a woman who pretty much fit the bill exactly. So yee-haw for having some requirements!
Also, fascinating how Hamilton’s son scratched out one line of this revealing letter. It wouldn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what Hamilton had originally written.
I empower and command you to get me a wife in Carolina … Take her description: she must be young, handsome (I lay most stress upon a good shape); sensible (a little learning will do); well bred, chaste and tender (I am an enthusiast in my notions of fidelity and fondness); of some good nature; a great deal of generosity (she must neither love money nor scolding for I dislike equally a termagant and an economist.)
In politics, I am indifferent what side she may be of: I think I have arguments that will safely convert her to mine. As to religion, a moderate stock will satisfy me. She must believe in god and hate a saint. But as to fortune, the larger stock of that, the better. You know my temper and circumstances and will therefore pay special attention to this article of the treaty. Though I run no risk of going to Purgatory for my avarice, yet as money is an essential ingredient of happiness in this world, as I have not much of my own and as I am very little calculated to get more, it must needs be that my wife bring at least a sufficiency to administer to her own extravagancies.
If you should not readily meet with a lady that you think answers my description, you can only advertise in the public papers and doubtless you will hear of many competitors for most of the qualifications required who will glad to become candidates for such a prize as I am. To excite them, it will be necessary for you to give an account of the lover — his size, make, quality of mind and body, achievements, expectations, fortune, etc. In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend. Mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget that I xxxxxxxxxxxxxx [That’s the scratched-out part. “Don’t forget that I …” Fill in the blanks, people. Seems obvious to me!]
After reviewing what I have written, I am ready to ask myself what could have put it into my head to hazard this jeu de follie. Do I want a wife? No — I have plagues enough without desiring to add to the number that greatest of all. And if I were silly enough to do it, I should care how I employ a proxy.
You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties and that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.
I’m sure Hamilton is right. Virgins (“maidenly beauties”) can be a lot of “trouble”. But it is nice to know that Hamilton didn’t mind taking on that “trouble” himself.
I just love that letter. You get the sense of their open amusing intimate friendship. Hamilton was devastated when Laurens was killed a couple years later (I think he was crushed by his horse falling on him?? not sure.)
But I love Hamilton’s “she must believe in god and hate a saint”. I feel that way myself. I also love his openness about needing a rich woman. He was no dummy. He found her. Good for him.
