and I’m a bit scared, having turned into a complete Luddite since circa 2003.
For almost two years now, I have been without a television. I mean, I have an actual television, but I do not have cable. I’ve never been a TV addict, in general, but when I love a show, I watch it fervently, religiously, seriously, and so I do miss those shows, and I also miss watching the news, and being in touch with pop culture trends, no matter how minute. (“Ooh, everyone’s wearing sparkley butterfly barrettes? WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?”) I love to watch the History channel, and I love to watch E! True Hollywood Story.
But due to finances, pinching pennies like you wouldn’t believe, I just had to cut some stuff out. TV was one of them.
However, I am now going to emerge from my dark tunnel. Cable-Guy is coming over on Sunday to hook me up.
I am so used to not having television, and so used to living in an apartment that has no distractions except for 10,000 books and 389 Cary Grant movies, that I fear the repercussions of finally having it again. I figure I am going to have to give myself a good month of straight TV watching. I will watch the commercials, I will watch Seinfeld re-runs, I will revel in Law and Order, I will watch the news, I will watch Letterman … I WILL PARTICIPATE IN TELEVISION CULTURE AGAIN.
I can’t wait.
(And yes. This news did have something to do with my finally taking the plunge. I cannot miss that. I cannot.)
I don’t have cable either. I figure if I did get it, I would either 1) not watch it enough to justify the expense or 2) watch it waayyyy too much. Neither is good, IMO. In the age of “Season One on DVD!” who needs it?
“I am now going to express my personal life in art.” – Britney Spears
“Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That is a picture
of a Britney I don’t know.
What does she want from me?
Who should I try to be?
Am I Madonna post-Kaballah, or Lindsay Lo? Han?
I need this job,
Oh God, I need this show.”
I got HBO just so I could watch “Band of Brothers” and “From the Earth to the Moon.” There are some cool shows, but most of TV is really sucking it these days. I look forward to hearing about your reentry.
I don’t have cable, and don’t plan to get it. My reasons are the same as Emily’s, really.
As for joining the modern world, I was told, “Welcome to the 21st Century” when I finally acquired a cellphone two years ago.
welcome back to TV Land in the immortal words of Homer Simpson(the man who i have based most of my beliefs on)”Don’t you ever say bad things about tv ever again It gives so much and asks so little” LOL its funny because its true.
Regards
GBfan
Uh-huh. After a few episodes of Beverly Hills Trailer Park, you are going to want to borrow my shotgun. And you can’t have it, because the New Jersey cops will confiscate it after you blow up the TV.
I once shot a TV with a vintage Tommy Gun (on Feb. 14th, by the way) – very, deeply, emotionally satisfying.
I have cable and have had it since it was invented. I remember when MTV played it’s very first music video, and I remember when I first discovered Nick At Nite. My friends and I would gather in front of the set at 2am, and watch Mary Tyler Moore. Like we were doing crack or something. I loved every minute of it.
I love cable. Even the bad stuff is brilliant. There’s nothing better. It is my drug and I am it’s bitch.
i have cable,but am i proud have that fact? probably not. if it’s worth watching it’s not on cable. it’s on a hard to find dvd.
Hi Sheila,
Even though it’s hideously expensive, I’ve found my cable subscription offers *just enough* of the things I want to justify the monthly expenditure. Ninety percent of it remains crap, but as Sturgeon once put it, ninety percent of EVERYTHING is crap — at least until somebody breaks the monopoly system and lets people buy cable by the channel. Then I might actually watch more of it, because I’d be able to get all the good channels I can’t now get on my relatively cheap plan.
Until that day happens, I fear my TV diet will continue to consist of shows where sentences start with “Cops say …” and “The market …”
I hope you’re not terribly terribly disappointed after getting it.
90% of the stuff – maybe 97% – is total crap. I am gobsmacked at the lack of creativity in television programmers. (And yet, I have cable. The 3% I like is enough to addict me into sending $$$ to the cable company every month).
There’s a (probably apocryphal) story about a cable network that, in order to test a signal band before putting on a new channel, turned a camera on the fishtank in their office. After a couple weeks, they were satisfied that the signal worked well, and started up the network feed.
Almost immediately, they started getting angry calls, saying “Bring back the fish!”
I recommend Battlestar Galactica on Sci-Fi, if you like that sort of thing.
I’m with Alex, except I’m at the 8th Circle of TV Hell, DirecTV, and am standing on my tiptoes peering over the edge into the abyss that is TiVo.
Showdog Moms and Dads on Bravo is my new crack. You have to watch it, BElieve me.
Lisa,
Tivo is Life it is the greatest invention since fire. Alex when I grow up I want to be just like you “Master” I am about to drop DTV and go to cable I want HD/DVR without the $1000 sat box Here is another question how big is your TV?lol My biggest one is 65″ yes I am trying to compensate for something just dont know what yet lol
GBfan
Here is my mission statement just so you get the jist of who I am:
I LOVE crap. Mkay? I LOVE stupid entertainment biographies about Valerie Bertinelli. I LOVE awards shows. I LOVE dumb shows about reunions between long-lost brothers and sisters. I love the Real World. I love ALL THE CRAP.
I am grateful to have the more hoity-toity stuff, too. But do not misunderstand me. I am BIG on crap crap crap. Love it.
I do too, Sheila. That’s why I won’t let myself have it. I mean really, I’m a person who has found emotional fulfillment watching Behind the Music: The Story of Mötley Crüe 16 times.
emily –
hahahahaha Well, that IS the best “Behind the Music” ever done. I’ve seen it about 6 times myself.
Lisa … uhm … Showdog Moms and Dads? WTF?
Is that like the JonBenet Ramsey world of dogs? Or …
Sheila, you know I’m going to have a Britney party every week. Just in case you want to reconsider ;)
hahaha Well, please count me in for that regardless.
Here’s the blurb from Bravo:
A spinoff of the hit “Showbiz Moms & Dads” (which documented the horrors of stage mothers), follows couples who take their purebreds on the dog show circuit some spending up to $30,000 a year making their dogs (literally) jump through hoops while trying to prove to the world (or, at least, mercurial dog show judges) that their beloved babies are, in fact, “best in show.”
The beleaguered pooches are hauled on airplanes, dressed in ballerina outfits, and put on constant display. “I want him to be the center of attention,” says one owner of his new terrier puppy, purchased because his champion lineage. He then proceeds to name the puppy Liberace, dress him in a cape and take him to have his teeth whitened.
Dude, it is WHACK! You must watch it.
hahaha Like that movie Best in Show! It’s so weird, such a whole other universe …
A moment of brilliant meta-cultural genius…
CULTIST: Here is your room.
BEAVIS: Uh, hold on, something’s missing.
BUTTHEAD: Gimme’ a second. I think I know what it is. Oh yeah, where’s the TV?
CULTIST: Television is the Devil’s tool.
BUTTHEAD: Uh, yeah. So…where is it?
JUST like Best in Show, but the horribly amazing part is these people aren’t characters in a movie, they’re REAL.
And it’s hysTERical.
I actually went to a dog show with my boyfriend in Philadelphia, and got so upset that we had to leave.
Reminder: Don’t ever listen to me when I say, “Let’s go to the zoo!”
I always THINK I want to go to the zoo because I love animals, but when I get there, I always completely get bummed out at the animals behind bars.
Can’t do it. Can’t do it.
I’m a huge bummer at the zoo.
Do you have any idea how easy it would be to take the sentence “I’m a huge bummer at the zoo” out of context and completely *smear* you?
hahaha Yes. Actually, I wanted to say somethign ELSE other than “bummer” but that would take a huge explanation – which now follows:
My friends and I have a kind of shorthand language (like most groups of friends probably do, I guess). But one thing is: we call anyone who is a drag or a bummer or a boring person or a buzzkill a “MacGregor” (from Peter Rabbit). So – if someone is a bore at a party and you want to get away from him, all you have to do is murmur to one of my friends “Listen, I’m talking to a total MacGregor right now. Save me.” and that friend will swoop to your rescue.
“Hey, how was your date last night?”
“Oh God, the guy was a total date MacGregor. Never going out with him again.”
“Good call, good call.”
Anyway, after one trip to the zoo (I was with my friends Mitchell and Jackie) – where I could not hold back my anger and sadness about the animals, Mitchell said to me, as we left the zoo, “You know, you are a total zoo MacGregor.”
I nodded, calmly. “Yup. I’m never going to the zoo again. I am way too much of a zoo MacGregor.”
Dave: Yeah! Huh huh huh huh! Yeah!
I have to say Beavis and Butthead had to’ve been the most unjustly-maligned show in the history of television. Except when MTV kept running repeats of the same episodes, over and over and over again.
I just moved into a new building, and haven’t been able to get my cable installed yet – it’s actually quite liberating. I’ve been averaging two books per week since the move – the loss of my cable modem is a bigger deal. But I think Emily had it right in her first post. Netflix + DVD Player = No TV Required.
About the only thing I truly miss is Adult Swim on Cartoon Network (it’s definitely a guy thing; I’m not sure you’d care for it). Even then, seasons 1 & 2 of ATHF and Space Ghost are out on DVD.
as i was reading the comments i almost picked up the phone to call u and remind you about the “Zoo Mac Gregor”…but, like the chronicler of our lives that you are..i scrolled down and there it was! Hilarious…i wonder tho’…where or when am i a Mac Gregor?? I need to know. I went to an Indiana Pacers game last night..thought i would be an NBA MacGregor..but i wasn’t…i loved every beer soaked minute of it(actually i had a Starbucks..i know, sportsfans, sacrilege!!)
Mitchell-
You and I are both wicked Breaking the Waves MacGregors.
and i’m with my buddy Alex..i freakin’ love cable…i love the cooking shows, the History(or Hitler) channel, i love TCM, TNT(Judging Amy)…E!,Vh-1..god bring it on… i get crazy when people say(in a terribly condescending tone)…”i dont even OWN a tv”..well Hooray for you! Its not cool one way or the other..its great that u dont own a tv..but dont assume intellectual or cultural superiority over me because i do…im usually better read and more articulate than the offenders and i watch a LOT of television!
Mitchell – I thought of one!
You are a total Renaissance Fair MacGregor!! If anyone who LOVED Ren Fairs took you to one as a guest, you would be a wicked MacGregor about it.
seriously!!! Ha!.i remember being forced to watch Ghosts(Swayze!) and i HATED it on so many levels..i usually like sappy love stories..but i couldn’t take it..i bitched and moaned through the whoile thing..a classic Ghosts MacGregor
Yeah, I hate “I never watch TV except for PBS, occasionally” snobs. I love TV, I read a lot, and I’m smart. Why do you feel BETTER than me because you look down your nose at Friends re-runs?
They are TV MacGregors, Mitchell. Big time.
hahahahaha
You are right!! I would be such a pain in the ass..i would lose friends..im a puppet show MacGregor as well!…and restoration comedies..pooh!
Yeah, don’t take me to a mime show and expect me to behave. I will be a Mime MacGregor and laugh openly, can’t help it.
I love that you hate restoration comedies. I think that’s so funny and specific.
exactly..coming across and old Barney Miller..or an excellent Law and Order with Dianne Wiest..hooray..i can lay down my Proust for the moment and ppick it up later!..or my Judith Krantz..depending on my mood… as a matter of fact..this winter i spent 6(or more?)hours on the couch watching the entirety of “Scruples” with Lindsay Wagner and Barry Bostwick..it was a magical day!
Oh man, I am totally TV’s bitch. Of course, it doesn’t help that I work at the local public access channel and the whole place is wired with cable. I watch it all day long. People ask me “How can you watch so much TV?” My only reply is “How can you NOT?” Or as Homer Simpson said: “Television – mother, teacher, secret lover.”
Don’t waste your time with network dross; you need to dig through cable’s mineshaft and extract those nuggets of awesomeness. Twenty-five year old Letterman reruns, The Joe Schmo Show, Mythbusters, Iron Chef, Monster House, Best Week Ever, The Daily Show, Intervention, Family Plots, Parking Lot…and then on Tuesday….
Plus I love the delicious irony that you’re getting cable a couple weeks before TV Turn-off Week.
Mark –
Ha! No kidding!! One of my pet peeves is the sanctimonious-ness of TV Turnoff week.
I will watch more TV than EVER during that week, just to piss the purists off.
I agree about TV Turnoff Week- and I am an elementary school teacher!! I will keep my TV on 24/7 that week!! So there- I will be a National TV Turnoff Week McGregor!!! PS My annoying student mimed the other day and I almost bitch slapped him!!