Nostalgia

Intense! Nostalgia suffusing everything. My reunion was a really intense night. But not without its whimsy either. I have been listening to Foo Fighters Color and the Shape on an endless loop. Ramblings about Dave Grohl here. Especially “Monkey Wrench” and “Up in Arms” – maybe because those two songs remind me of what it sometimes felt like to be a teenager. Not the part of being a teenager that is like a Smiths songs – but the part of being a teenager that is free, full of possibility, excitement, exuberance. Yet there’s something retrospective about the feel of the songs … like you’re looking back on that exuberance fondly, remembering what it was like.

That’s how it felt at my reunion, standing at the bar with Keith M., with others, chatting our heads off. It was so feckin’ GREAT.

I think I need to write more posts about high school. Get it out of my system. I have a couple in the works.

There was a girl from a couple years ahead of our class who came as her sister’s date (her sister was in my class). She came over to talk with us at our table and said that a couple years before, she had had her class reunion – and in general, it was really awkward and stiff. She said, “Listen to how much conversation is going on in this room right now … Hear how loud it is? It wasn’t that way with my year at all. You could hear the clink of silverware on the plates.”

Wow. Ours wasn’t like that at all. The bar was always surrounded by a throng of people. Mingling was rampant. There was much hilarity. There was much dancing.

“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” was played. hahahahaha So was:

1. many many Michael Jackson tunes. In memory of who he once was, and what his music meant to our class

2. Rock Lobster

3. Angel is a centerfold – hahahaha

Everyone was personable, friendly, fun to talk to … There were a couple of people I was excited specifically to see. Keith M., of course. I think I covered that. Also Andrew. Of spitball Valentine fame. Within 2 weeks time this past spring, the two of them contacted me – having found my blog. Separately. Correspondences sprung up. Pictures exchanged. I guess I’m a sucker for the past. I love to know there’s a continuum. I love to have connections. The fact that many of my friends go back to adolescence and childhood (Betsy, Michelle, Mere, Beth) is one of the great joys of my life. I know it’s rare. Many people lose friends along the way … I have certainly lost a couple, but not ALL of them. And I love that. I love that these people knew me when I was a CHILD. And Andrew and Keith, while never my best friends, were certainly very very special to me … There was a sparkle there, a fizz … because they were “boy friends”. I was, in my own 9 – 11 year old way, wildly in love with both of them. They were my favorite “boy friends” from childhood. And Andrew giving me that damn Valentine when we were 11 – the Valentine that I still have – just … it’s one of those memories that has never lost its power. And how amazing it was to write that post about the Valentine he gave me, not knowing he would eventually read it, and then have him find it so soon afterwards. I hadn’t spoken to Andrew in 20 years! And then suddenly – there he was. Emailing me, and even leaving a comment on the post!! Through reading that post, he was able to see the impact his small gesture when he was a young boy had on me so so many years ago. The Internet, man. It’s changed everything.

So within 2 weeks, I’m not kidding, suddenly I was getting emails from Andrew and Keith M. again. Childhood boy friends. Those two are no longer connected either … it’s not like Andrew contacted Keith saying, “Hey Sheila has a blog!” No. They contacted me separately. But … so close in time … after so many years …

To see them both at the reunion – I mean, it always would have been cool to see them – but it was even cooler, because we had so recently gotten back in touch. I felt like we had so much to catch up on. Also, I felt like: because I’m an adult now, and not a 9 year old girl, I am more able to just BE with them, to just talk and listen, and be present in the moment. How many people get that chance, with people from their past?

Sigh. I am filled with emotion.

It’ll calm down soon, but for now I’ll just listen to Foo Fighters Up in Arms again … because it reminds me of when I was young. When we all were young.

Up in Arms

The rain is here and you, my dear,
are still my friend.
It’s true the two of us are back
as one again,

I was the one who left you,
Always coming back, I could not forget you, girl
Now I am up in arms again

Together now – I don’t know how
this love could end.
My lonely heart it falls apart
for you to mend.

I was the one who left you,
Always coming back, I could not forget you, girl
Now I am up in arms again

Sniffle ….