Awkward Stumble-Through

Last night we had what is known as our first “stumble-through”. We’ve worked on each of the scenes in the play separately – and last night, come hell or high water, we put it all together. It was also the night we had to be off book. Ah, the stumble-through. Fascinating and frustrating. It’s cool because you get to see the other scenes that you’re not in – you also can get a sense of the whole thing – but man. There is so much dialogue in this play. We all have been working our asses off to get off book. As soon as I got cast, I started memorizing my lines, knowing I had a huge task in front of me. Not as huge as some of the other people in the play, who have four times as much to say as I do.

But there we all were, without our scripts in hand, stumbling through the thing in its entirety. Sometimes literally stumbling.

There were moments when we transcended – when you could see the wheels stop turning in the brain, the mind suddenly knew what it was doing, what it was supposed to say next – and we could actually start acting, playing, doing. But then there were other times when we were like 5 retarded robots in the middle of misfiring. Sudden absolutely BLANK expressions would come over our faces – as though all intelligent thought had been washed away – in the middle of a big moment, in the middle of an emotional sequence. Blankness. Then, you have to admit defeat, and you call out, “LINE!” The line comes from the ASM, and then you are back on track. For a while.

There were some funny moments. During an enormous fight between two of the characters (we got one of the best fight choreographers in New York to do the fights for us – pretty cool!!) – one of the witnesses is supposed to have a big emotional moment, say a speech, and then race off for help. She stood there, watching the fight – with absolutely no expression on her face. None. Blank. She watched this strange drifter attack her boyfriend with no expression whatsoever. Whatever. He’s just beating the crap out of the guy I love. No worries. What I’m really worried about is … what the hell am I supposed to say next?? hahahaha

Or in the middle of one of the fights – as the two actors are beating the crap out of each other – (also funny: they couldn’t help themselves – they were making sounds like “pow!” and “boom” – totally unconsciously – like little boys having a fake gun battle) – but they’re rolling around on the floor, pummeling each other, and shouting out, desperately, “LINE???” hahahahaha

Ohhh, tis an awkward stage, to be sure, to be sure.

I was standing downstage center. One of my big moments. Tears are rolling down my face. You know. I was ACTING. Or at least … I was. For a brief second. And then in the next moment … a vast expanse of nothingness as white and cold and empty as Antarctica. In the blink of an eye, I become a big BLANK because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO SAY NEXT. I stood there like a retarded clunky awkward robot. My arms felt 5 feet long, and as though there were weights on the ends of my hands. I racked my brains, trying to picture the page in the script in my head … trying to SEE what the next line was.

Turns out, I was supposed to be all the way over stage left as well – and not downstage center – but apparently: talking, acting, AND moving is FAR too much to ask of me at one time in this stage of my development.

Tonight? We try again. It’s always good when you get the stumble-through out of the way because then you can get down to some real work.