Diary Friday

A sweeping entry from my sophomore year in high school. I honestly don’t know what I’m talking about half the time. My obsession with James Dean was raging unabated, and I was freely propelling myself into the blazing star. This is an entry that kind of spans a whole week- and the entire week basically went by in anticipation of Rebel without a cause being on TV on Saturday night. This is pre-VCR-in-every-home. So I was dependent on the networks, I read TV Guide every week – I HAD to – because if I missed something, I would then have to wait another YEAR for it to come to television again!

APRIL

Slept over Mere’s. I was exhausted. Mere is teaching herself to juggle and balls were flying everywhere. We watched For Your Eyes Only and The Jerk. Oh, Steve Martin. We woke up – Mere’s curls were all tousled, and my hair looked like a mohawk. We all shuffled into the kitchen and had an English breakfast – which was like an Irish breakfast – bacon, eggs, toast – except in Ireland we had sausages. We listened to the radio while we ate, and Jayne came in. She has a cold and had to work the night before. Anyway, we ate, and Mere juggled, and we all talked. [That image makes me SO HAPPY] Here’s the plan: Mere is going to become a really good juggler and she’ll get a job at the hospital as a clown, and her grandmother has a simple octave note accordian and I can teach myself to play it and we’ll be a team. Wouldn’t that be neat? [Only if your highest ambition is to be Patch Adams. Sheila, do you honestly want to play the ACCORDION at a hospital? What??]

I bought some clothes that make me look really thin!

And then Saturday at 5:00 there’s gonna be a cast party for Scapino. [I love that random outburst about looking thin. It kind of goes nowhere …] Everyone’s gonna be there. That’ll be so neat! A co-ed party! [What is this – “Bye Bye Birdie”?] I mean, I’ve been to co-ed parties, but not real ones with cute neat guys. The only other co-ed party I went to was when I was 13, and we played spin the bottle. Hopefully this one will be different.

Then after the party!! AT 11:30 PM!!! JIMMY DEAN!!!! I can’t wait! I have been waiting for this day all week.

Friday
God, I have to do some catching up!

First – cast party. It was great. They had the video of Scapino [this was a play done by the Drama Club. And it was, I swear, AMAZING. I went to go see it every night – There were SO many talented people in our Drama Club that year.] Everyone was there! Even Matt M! [He was gorgeous, aloof, and seemed like a grown man even though he was 17. Also: very talented. He’s still in “the biz”, last I heard.] Watching the video was great. I kept glancing at Matt when he was laughing. He is a breathtaking looking person. And T. is adorable. OK, maybe I do have a crush. Who cares? T. had on a black blazer with a Beatles pin and he just looked so cute. After that, we all had pizza, and then watched Stir Crazy. [HAHAHAHAHAHA OH. my. God. I love that movie!! Makes me laugh just thinking about it.] Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. What a pair they are. I kept watching T. He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, and his face was intent and curious. But then, of course, there had to be a nude scene. The nude woman was dancing all over the screen – and I can’t even explain it – we all just sat there like zombies, and all the girls tried to look blase and cool about it, and I whispered to Beth, “Watch the boys.” Oh God, it was a riot. T. kept fidgeting and moving around … Beth and I almost lost it watching how uncomfortable all the boys looked. But it was fun.

Then I went home and sat around waiting around until 11:30 and then I watched Jimmy Dean. Diary, I think he is the best actor in the world. [Woah. Obviously I had never heard of … oh … Richard Burton or Al Pacino or Cary Grant … But whatever. Dean appealed to me so much at that time in my life because he was rebellious, unconventional, and sensitive. High school felt cruel to me. It was cruel to people like Dean, too. His work meant a great deal to me back then. Also, I can tell: I was learning from him. I was already interested in acting, and … I STUDIED him. I wasn’t just a fan.] I am not saying that in a childish way. I mean it: He is the best actor in the world. [Uhm … Laurette Taylor? Duse? Lawrence Olivier? Brando??] I am not saying this in a passionate moment either. [Oh, I see. You are saying it in the cold clear light of day. hahahaha I love how vehement I am. I’m STILL like that!] I still can’t get him out of my mind. His face is magnificent – this is the first whole movie I’ve seen with him. I was even shocked by him. Like – he was unpredictable. I had no idea what he would do next. GOD HE CAN ACT. He blew me away. I mean, I found myself focusing on his every move, every mannerism, gesture, every expression, every fuckin’ word … The man was a genius.

I mean, there was a scene where he was drunk and the policeman is searching him and he gets ticklish and starts to giggle like a little kid. And I read where he wasn’t directed to do that. That was all instinct. All from within him. Man. That blows me away. And just his tenderness, his awkwardness – He portrayed what every damn person goes through so well. I don’t know what else to say!

After, I went up to my room and sat like a blob, feeling inside so much but I could never put it into words. My feelings were so excessive. It was too much. I felt as if I was gonna explode! I still can’t get over it.

On Monday, we went up to the Boston Marathon. I took Mere. I couldn’t wait for her to meet Lisa. [My cousin] We had a great time. Here were the jokes of the day:

— … You are so beautiful …

— getting the water and cups

— running across the street

— Ken and the wheelchairs

— Hey, she thinks you’re cute

— These people hate us

You see, I hate to let memories slip by. They’re precious. [I now have no idea what half of those jokes mean. The memories slipped away anyway. I do remember “Ken and the wheelchairs”. It is emblazoned in my mind.] I can’t bear to let anything be forgotten. Memories are the most important thing to me. I never throw anything out. I can’t throw out the memory. I need to have all the frayed stories, dried flowers, and folded drawings – they’re what keeps me going.

I think Mere had fun. I’m glad. It was fun. [Mere, I wonder if you showed my cousin Lisa how you could juggle??]

This morning, I got up at 8 and it was POURING. That day I went to URI to spend the day with a drama student – you know, go to their classes, absorb stuff. I was really psyched. I was hoping to meet some gorgeous guys. Andrei Hartt for one. [Holy crap. I have not thought of that name since … the early 1980s. But suddenly his face just popped back into my head. I LOVED him.] He was in Academania. He was SO talented. SO SO talented. [How ’bout ‘so so SO talented’ – want to go for three, Sheila?] Jessica knows him. He wants to be on Broadway but he’s majoring in computer science. [HAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

It was a great day but tiring because I spend the whole day just sitting and watching. But I absorbed and learned more than I did in a whole half-year of Drama class. We watched students do really intense improvisations. Some were just — I don’t know what I was expecting, but God, those kids are great. I mean — really, they are kids, and they were so … I don’t know. They had so much depth and their acting didn’t look like acting.

Then on Wednesday – listen to this day:

10:00 – dentist appointment.

12:00 – 2:00 – shopping for my confirmation dress.

2:30 – haircut

3:30 – orthodontist

I did not stop moving the entire day. At least the shopping was successful. I got two dresses! My confirmation dress is sort of a rough off-white material with a white rounded collar and ruffles down the front. It looks really nice on me and makes my stomach look flat and my boobs look fuller. I mean, I look sophisticated. Then I got this GORGEOUS dress. When it’s not on me it looks like a maternity dress, but not when it’s on me. [Horrible sentence structure. Horrible dress.] I look like a model in it. It’s just like Susan’s – the one I told you about. [Then there is a small drawing of the dress] And I got beautiful marshmallow pink heel shoes with a purse to match. [Ewwwwwww] I look like a successful career woman. [Uhm … do “successful career women” wear MARSHMALLOW PINK HEELS????]

On Thursday, I babysat from 8:30 to 3:00 and I GOT $15.00! [I can’t tell if I think that’s good or bad. Personally, I think that’s awful. 15 bucks for a full day of work? Cheap bastards. ] And today I helped this neighboring woman supervise her daughter’s birthday party. It was fun. She paid me 6 bucks. [Jesus. What a bunch of cheapskates.] So I made $21 in 2 days!!!! [Wow. I was excited about that. I think you were being taken advantage of, Sheil-babe.]

And tomorrow is my confirmation.

I’ll reflect on what that means to my life tomorrow. I’m too exhausted right now.

[The Catholic Church can wait, basically, for my moment of contemplation. After all, I bought marshmallow-pink heels for the big day … WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT FROM ME??]