Just came back from the post office. Things are a bit, shall we say, nutty in New York right now – due to the transit strike, for one thing. The streets are way more crowded than normal, and there is a traffic jam on every corner. Also, with Christmas – New York has that frenetic barely pleasurable last-minute shopping frenzy feel to it. I dreaded the post office. But I went and got there just in time. There were only a couple of people ahead of me.
Now – one thing happened which made me think of something else (ain’t that always the way).
A guy stood in front of me. He had a long ponytail which was knotted a couple of times on the way down – so that it had sort of the look of Dumbledore’s beard in the latest Harry Potter. The man’s hair was greying – so we’re talking MAJOR aging hippie energy.
I had a big package, he had a small certified letter.
There were only a couple of windows open, and so there was that kind of tense animal-alert feel through the line. You had to be on your toes. You had to be READY TO GO when it was your turn. If you paused for a MILLISECOND of a MILLISECOND, someone farther back in the line would jump down your throat. You could not pause. It was a group event. We all had to work together. If I paused, or if I got distracted when another window opened up – then I would be affecting the 20 people behind me. BAD collective behavior. New Yorkers are very good at collective behavior.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again: People think New Yorkers are rude. We might SEEM rude but what is REALLY going on is that we are OBSESSED with manners, WAY more than people who live in regions where the residents actually can have personal space and get the hell away from each other. We cannot get away from each other – therefore, we are OBSESSED with manners. And everyone must play along. In New York good manners mean: wait your turn, don’t cut, don’t shove, respect other people’s boundaries, don’t just stop on a crowded sidewalk and stare around – you’re messing up the traffic, and DON’T waste other people’s time. There are too many of us on this tiny island – we all must work together.
I have seen this dynamic again and again, and I just love it. It cracks me up. We are all in each other’s business. If it’s a crowded Times Square sidewalk, and you who are in front of me – suddenly STOP and take out your cell phone – so that I crash into you – you will HEAR from me what I think of your behavior. It’s selfish. You are not alone. Get out of the line of traffic. Realize that you are not the only person on the planet.
New Yorkers may correct people in a rude way – but it’s not random rudeness. It has to do with the fact that people who do not “play along”, who think they can play it their OWN way, need to be scolded and corrected. We all take it on ourselves.
Hippie Guy and I stood, silently, waiting. Separate. Alert as animals, staring up and down the line of windows, ready to move IMMEDIATELY at the blessed call, “Step down, please!”
Then – both of us saw the same thing:
A girl tried to bypass the line and walk right up to one of the windows. Because she had just a little something she needed – a book of stamps, a question answered, whatever. I saw this happen – and he saw it happen – we both just stared at her back with rageful eagle-eyes – I was getting ready to do my part in this collective group experience of being in line at the Post Office – and shout, “Hey – there’s a huge line! Wait your turn!” – but I didn’t have to. Post Office Lady behind counter gestured in a blase manner at the long line, and went back to helping her current customer.
Hippie Man turned and gave me a look. I shook my head in disbelief. He did too. He said, “There’s always one person, you know? There’s always one person.” “Unbelievable.” He said, “I have one stupid letter to mail …” “Right – but you’re in line. Because that’s what you do.” “Exactly.” “Unbelievable.”
A moment of New York bonding. A moment of Being-in-line bonding. I love it. New Yorkers hate lines, but we respect them. I don’t know – the whole thing cracks me up. We police ourselves, basically, because there are just too damn many of us to let everyone go HOG WILD and start CUTTING IN LINE left and right. IT WOULD BE ANARCHY!!!
I have posted a number of funny post office stories here.
So here they are.
Gladys, you’re all right – Gladys made such an impression on me that if I saw her on the street today I would recognize her. Loved her.
Post office love and perfume – yet another example of rigid line-behavior (only this time I was the bad person in line – it happens to all of us!)
Always an adventure at the post office. But I loved my outraged bonding moment with Hippie Guy. I felt like he and I were about to charge over there like panthers and drag that girl off to the bushes. No WAY do you cut in line! We have invested TIME out of our LIVES in this line! And you think you can just skip it? The nerve.
But here, though, is what standing in line at the post office REALLY made me think of:
The mother of all standing-in-line stories (at least on this blog, I don’t know about elsewhere): The Line. I waited in line for 18 hours to get tickets to a play. I slept in the dirt. Secrets of humanity were revealed. You know. The usual.
You know, I just spent four days up there and couldnt find a way to describe the feeling. This nails it down perfectly:
…In New York good manners mean: wait your turn, don’t cut, don’t shove, respect other people’s boundaries, don’t just stop on a crowded sidewalk and stare around – you’re messing up the traffic, and DON’T waste other people’s time. There are too many of us on this tiny island – we all must work together.
I felt like I was still in NYC as I read this story.
val – hahahaha It’s very specific! I know we have this horrible reputation for rudeness but 99.9% of it is VERY specific and comes when we are upbraiding others for breaches of etiquette.
I got so sick of the center of the universe types when I was in school – you know, the ones who would stand chatting in a crowded hallway well aware that they were blocking other people but not bother to move, etc. – I tried to start up a coalition of people who would openly just push their asses out of the way. Seriously. We tried being nice. It didn’t work. Fire with fire.
I love that feeling you get as you hit the street coming up from Penn Station: MOVE, ASSHOLE. Fast. Move or get run down. We all have places to be, and this street corner ain’t one of ’em.
I’ve never understood why people think New Yorkers are rude. We hold doors. We step to the side. We fight to be the one to give directions, or help that woman carry her stroller up the subway stairs.
But we will shoulder check you if you stop smack at the bottom of a crowded down escalator, to look for something in your purse.
I think this is why so many midwesterners think ya’ll are rude. We care about manners, but they are less of a thing. If you’re in our homes then we’ll react the NY way, but if you’re on the street we’ll point and laugh or glare and walk away. Thanks for the insight, red. :-)
The best thing USPS ever did was roll out the automated kiosks. In and out with priority or express in 30 seconds or less.
‘course, it rather sucks when they’re out of order, but it’s still better than standing in line for an hour. Now if only they’d automate money orders…
Lion – you are SO RIGHT about those kiosks!!
alli – exactly!!!!
I’ve lived in the Midwest and you are SO RIGHT.
roo – DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THOSE RETARDS WHO STOP AT THE BOTTOM OF A MOVING ESCALATOR.
emily – hahahaha I know!! Like: keep up, keep up!! It’s fun but only if you KEEP UP!
Sheila, you nailed it. This is the best definition of New York behavior I’ve ever read.
Have you seen the blind guy with the accordion on the subway? He typifies New York and all that’s good about it. It’s amazing to observe what happens when this man enters a subway car. I tend to ignore subway buskers because if I were to look up every time someone started singing or dancing, I’d never get any reading done. To me they’re background noise. I love and appreciate them but I can do so by only half-listening.
The blind guy is different. First of all, he’s hauling around an accordion and it’s quite noisy. Even when he’s not playing it, the bellows wheeze and sigh as the man shuffles through the car. You can’t ignore him or the instrument.
When he enters the car, everyone — including hardened New Yorkers — takes notice. And here’s where the magic begins. The newbies are a bit shocked by him but the rest of us know the drill. It may sound corny but it’s like we cast an invisible protective barrier around him. If someone’s feet are too far out in the aisle, a collective glare shames them into pulling them in. Same goes for people standing in his path. They get the hint to move and move quickly without anyone having to say a word.
The man enters the car and the train’s energy shifts. After a while you get to know all the pan handlers and performers. Some of them are annoying but the blind man is beloved. You do NOT want to be the jerk standing in this guy’s path. You WILL feel the wrath of the rest of the riders. I pity the fool who makes this man trip.
I’ve seen him a bunch of times but have never once seen him crash into anyone or anything. He’s got everything under control. He deftly avoids all obstacles but the rest of us — people of all types — still insist on “guiding” him through the train willing him to make it through unscathed. Even though most of us have seen him do it hundreds of times unharmed, we still watch as he opens the door and makes the treacherous journey to the next car while the train is moving.
I’ve seen some newbies try to help him through and again, the unspoken sentiment takes over: Leave him be. He’s got it. Just step aside and let him do his thing.
The door closes and there’s a sense of relief (and pride, I think) when the muffled sounds of the accordion seep through from the next car.
The man is not only remarkable in his talent and skill but also because of the behavior he inspires.
P.S. Sorry for such a long comment!
Don’t you dare apologize for such a beautiful comment! I know just the man you mean – but I had never put into words the, as you say, “behavior he inspires”
BEAUTIFUL.
It;s all about unspoken respect. Gorgeous.
The polar opposite of the blind guy with the accordion? The guy selling batteries and all that cheap shit that buzzes, blinks, clucks, etc. Old- and newcomers alike hate him and root for his destruction. :)
Yup. Don’t try to snow me when I’m trapped on a subway. Nope. Get outta here.
We police ourselves, basically, because there are just too damn many of us to let everyone go HOG WILD and start CUTTING IN LINE left and right. IT WOULD BE ANARCHY!!!
Or it would be Paris, France ;-)
I wish Parisians policed themselves as well as New Yorkers seem to do. I’d like to add a personal favourite to the list: the people who stop about three feet in front of subway entry-gate thingy (I know that there must be a real English word for that, but I’ve been here too long and forgotten it…) and start rummaging around for their ticket. You know, because it’s a real surprise to discover that you need a ticket to go through the barrier…
Iain – hahahaha I hate those people too. How can you be SO UNAWARE that there are OTHER PEOPLE on the planet??
Oh – turnstile is, I believe, the word you are looking for. :)
Thank you, Sheila – that was indeed the word I was searching for!
I love New York. The last time I was there was 2000 and we rented a car and drove down. I happened to be at the wheel when we entered the city and so drove us into Manhatten where we were staying at a hotel not far fro the Empire State Building. I had to make one illegal right turn (there was a sign that said no right turns) but there was NO traffic at that moment so I turned. I drove in a zen fashion and it totally worked. On our way out of the city, I stopped at a red light at one Manhatten intersection. I was first in line and as I watched the cross street lights changing, I saw that a female pedestrian was still sauntering in the crosswalk in front of me. The instant my light turned green, I stepped on the gas so shed know I was coming and then stomped on the brakes so I wouldnt hit her. I saw daylight under her feet as she scampered for the sidewalk but she didnt give me any flak, maybe because she knew she was in the wrong. Id never driven in Manhatten and Id heard it was not for the faint of heart but I found it just fine.
One of the reasons I hate walking around Times Square is because of all the tourists who just don’t get what you so brilliantly described here. They don’t get it, how could they? So the glares, and groans and mild shoves only register as hostility and rudeness and they’re wasted.
I’m not sure, psychologically speaking, why this behavior goes up my ass sideways. In every aspect of life. Driving for example. If some asshole is going 50 mph in the high speed lane while 8 or 9 cars pass him on the right, it makes me see red. Not just annoyance, but murderous rage. My wife shares this as well so it’s not too uncomfortable when I unleash a torrent of vitriol on the douchebag in question. I do worry about my kids in the backseat however. I think it’s because I am hyper, hyper aware of myself in these community situations that demand a coming out of myself to work for the greater good. And this does not come natural to me. I have to work at it, but I do and it’s for the greater good. But one bad apple and “there’s always one person, you know” can screw the whole thing up.
Fascinating. Wonderful observance Sheila. I want to post something in this vein that happened to me recently and get your readers honest response to it. Is that cool?
David –
All I can do is hope that little posts like my own will register with people who plan on coming here – and they will not just see us as hostile – but they will see us as CORRECTING their rude public behavior. Play along by NYC rules or we will shout at you.
Funny- most of the Overheard in NY snippets have to do with this very thing – New Yorkers upbraiding one another (and tourists) for breaches of collective etiquette.
Turn your damn cell phone off on the bus. Don’t just STAND STILL in Times Square. Get the feck out of the way. What am I, invisible? Deal with the fact that there are a million people around you.
Oh and yes – post away. Remember to put your name in the title!
Oh and yes – the jagoff who goes 50 mph in the high-speed lane is selfish and absolutely uncaring that he is not the only person on the planet. He deserves all the murderous looks and outraged honks he gets.