I love this post about Valentine’s Day Gifts. She uses it as an opportunity to go OFF on John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus dude) in the most delightful way possible.
Example:
I hate John Gray with a passion I normally reserve for pineapples and child molesters.
And
All men are from Mars, eh? All men are the same? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How about we just say “Some People Are From Mars, Some People Are From Venus, The Rest of Us Are From Earth, And John Gray Is From The Planet Stereotype, Somewhere in the Clueless Solar System, And Also He Needs To Be Kicked In The Kidney And Balls. withsteeltoedboots.”
Beautiful!! Go read the whole thing!
Of course, when I think of Valentine’s Day gifts I think of eyeballs. And also spitballs. But mostly eyeballs.
Have you ever read a John Gray book? Here they are in a nutshell:
Men can’t change, but women can, so women should make whatever changes necessary so that the men can continue to be assholes. And they should give more blow jobs.
Asshat. I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire.
I have never read a John Gray book. And uhm … I never will now!!!
I effing hate relationship gurus of any kind. All they ever do is basically tell couples that they should be nicer to each other. I’ve never read any of that turd’s books, but I saw him on Oprah or some talk show and he’s just a jerk. Plus his whole “doctor” thing is from some online e-university that is no longer even an accredited school. Phoney jerk-off.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who hates that man. And Lisa nailed it – THAT is why I hate him so much. Women are supposed to adjust to men and their behaviour because “that’s just how men are!”
also..does anyone else’s gaydar go to defcon-5 the minute he opens his cliche-ridden trap????? I mean..honestly…he makes me look like Rambo!
does anyone else’s gaydar go to defcon-5
Hahaha.
Sheila, I know how much you like “rules,” so I think you’ll really enjoy this. It’s more than just “Learning the Rules.” It’s also about “scoring points” apparently.
Funny. I read John Gray’s first book–and only the first book–and found it wonderfully helpful. I also never once saw him anywhere say that women simply have to adjust to men. Indeed, in at least his first book he gives men all sorts of advice on what they need to do to adjust to women–they were insights I found invaluable. My wife did too. It was hard–I had to adjust many behaviors I found to be second-nature, but I took his advice in several areas and it really helped, especially in the early years of my marriage.
And of course, right on page one of the book I notice he says, clearly, that some men act more like they’re “venus” and some more “mars,” and you shouldn’t feel funny if that’s the case with you–take what you find useful and leave the rest.
So I don’t get the whole hating the guy. I just don’t.
wow, after reading her list of “romantic” gifts received from exes, I feel a WHOLE LOT BETTER about being unattached this valentine’s day.
hint to the folks out there: if you buy your sweetie a t-shirt with the phrase “yes, it’s always about [your name here]”, you are probably not far from having them break up with you. Seriously. I do not know too many people who like going around with their significant other’s names plastered on their chests, as part of what is basically an advertisement of said significant other’s selfcenteredness.
I never really experienced John Grey, so I can’t say if I hate him or not. But I will say that if I see that Neil Clark Warren guy being all smug about his online dating service on the television again…well, it’s a good thing I don’t own a gun ‘cos I’d be buying a new television after that.
Who’s Neil Clark Warren? Is he the eHarmony guy? I want to punch him in his smug head – but I’m not sure of his name.
yup, the eHarmony devil, as I like to call him.
I cannot STAND those smug syrupy tones in his voice, it makes me want to stomp on him with hobnailed boots, and I am not a violent person by nature.
I’m so glad it’s not just me!!!
Sheila, at first, I missed the word “gifts” and read, “when I think of Valentine’s Day I think of eyeballs…mostly eyeballs.” And since I had just finished with your previous post, I thought for a second you were referring to these eyeballs.