Quotes From the Road Between Two Really Good Friends

“Dude, he’s so sexy. Did you see his hands? Crinkly old dry hands.”

“We have to stop staying in places where there were horrible massacres.”

“I am just afraid that we won’t be far enough West, know what I mean?”

“Just don’t judge me.”
“I am not judging. I am just admitting the reality of the situation.”

“Oh, God, we’re on G.E. Patterson again. We always get lost on G.E. Patterson.”

“Sorry. I’m cranky. Being on a road trip throws me off my masturbation schedule.”
“I can take a walk later if you like.”
“Yeah, that would be good.”

“Squee-delee-dopp-dopp.”

“Oh God, the road is turning. I’m going with it. Check the map. Check the map.”

“So, wait a sec. Was that a line? Did he just lay a line on me?”
“Are you retarded?”
“Yes.”
“Yes. That was a LINE.”
“Oh my God!”

“We are clearly caught in a tesseract right now.”

“Oh you brought wine! That is so thoughtful of you!”
“Oh shit, I was supposed to say that, wasn’t I.”

“Those guys just did a freakin’ illegal U-turn just so they could talk to us.”
“I love it here.”

“Look at that pyramid. Jesus.”
“You know how I have that thing about big things?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what I think of when I see that thing.”
“I totally understand.”

“Criminal Minds is on.”
“Oh awesome. I can literally tell you everything about that show. Ask me anything.”
5 minutes pass.
“So this character – is she in charge? What’s her deal?”
Silence. ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Ooh, take a pic of the toboggan with the Memphis map in the background!”

“Oh God. Deborah hugged me.”
“You need to set boundaries.”
“Is it too late?”
“I think so.”

“Excuse me but he is wearing a three piece suit, and it is all the same color.”

“I have a love-hate relationship with The Bachelor.”

“Ingram Boulevard, baby, Ingram Boulevard.”