I got caught out in a monsoon yesterday. I was 5 minutes from my house. I had gone to the post office. Here is what I saw as I walked:
A shining blue sky over Manhattan
A black sky over my town – there was literally a line – where the black started and the blue stopped.
The clouds were huge, sludgy-looking, with a sickly greenish tinge.
Something big was coming.
But hey, I live in the present, baby, so I sashayed forth in my fluttery gauze skirt and my brand new clogs and I did not carry an umbrella!
On the way back from the post office, I literally could feel the mugginess of the air leave – as though a balloon had been punctured – and a whoosh of cold refreshing wind raced over me. Needless to say, this was the harbinger of a MAJOR FECKIN’ MONSOON … but did I care? No. I stood there, in my gauze skirt, and my new clogs … enjoying the cool cool wind.
Which is when all hell broke loose.
The rain was so heavy it was like billowing silver curtains of sheer water. I could not see. Floods raged through the street, and the grates on every corner became literal fountains gushing up and out.
I ran for cover. My gauze skirt became extremely problematic (read: skintight and see through) and my clogs became so waterlogged that my feet kept falling out of them. Lovely!
The awning of the deli nearby was my destination … so I ran, slipping out of my clogs, battered by the billowing silver curtains … completely unprotected … and suddenly – during my mad skintight-skirted dash – water pounding against my face in buckets – I suddenly realized that my damn contact lenses had literally washed out of my eyeballs.
That was how hard the rain was.
It flooded into my eyeballs and washed my lenses out into the flooding waters on the street.
All I could do was laugh. I stood under the awning and waited for the rain to stop being a solid substance battering down. I waited 20 minutes. I was now blind as a bat. I was beyond soaked. I had basically become a liquid substance myself. My contact lenses were careening towards Manhattan, far far away from my eyeballs.
So whatever. Life is too short, and the rain looked like it would never let up. So I stepped out from beneath the awning, the world a silver-drenched blur to me, and staunchly walked home. Through the battering silver curtain. Struggling to keep my clogs on my damn SOAKED feet.
The damage done to my clothes and my shoes is beyond description. My skirt will never be the same again.
The silver curtain actually continues on outside my window. This morning there was a mild misty let-up and I did a ton of errands – pharmacy, post office again, candle shop, grocery … through the cold misty morning … I made it home … and now there’s once again a battering ram of a silver curtain going on outside.
I have never before had contact lenses flow out of my eyes, unannounced.
oh my, sheila! i’ve never been in that bad of a downpour — though, in my defense, i can’t categorize by contact flushing, as i stick to glasses.
Oh, Sheila, I swear this could only happen to you.
Sheila- that is hilarious! We have had downpours here too yesterday and today- like the ones on the “Forever in bluejeans” night.
Mere – yeah, my parents had some flooding today! Nuts!
It’s still raining right now! And yeah, the rain yesterday was exactly like that Forever in Blue Jeans day – this huge black-green cloud … and then MONSOON!! Member my struggle to get a cab to come pick us up? And my eventual cankle debacle??
“I know. I know. My ankles look terrible.”
“No … there’s a match stuck on your ankle …”
I am shaking with laughter …
Sheila, I commend you for your response. Laugh and get moving.
Your story reminds me of last June when I stood under an awning in downtown Denver with my luggage while a near hurricane passed over. I got to the hotel after it had passed and found out everyone had been evacuated to the basement.
“my damn contact lenses had literally washed out of my eyeballs.” BRILLIANT!! (ala Guiness commercial)
I have to ask….did ya at least splash through the puddles on the way home? There’s nothing better than puddle-jupping in the middle of a downpour!!
Great story.
Sheila, I do believe that at that very moment I myself was reading the menu in the window of the new falafel place on Boon Street when an SUV drove by through the HUGE deluge in the street. As I was reading the menu to Patrick on my cell phone I began screaming, “Of my fuckin’ God. I cannot BELIEVE you just did that!” at said SUV. The people inside the falafel shop watched the entire thing take place and just stared at me with compassion, their mouths dropped open.
//stared at me with compassion// hahahahahahahaha
Hey I got your message – I’ll call you in a couple days when I’m done with my work. But yes – what you sent me helped a LOT!!
My contact lenses were careening towards Manhattan, far far away from my eyeballs.
LOL! You’re awesome! Sorry you lost them, though, and that your clothes were ruined. :(