Festive!

A wave of impressions:

Morning was sort of stressful, but then the stress was released – which left me open and clear to just soak up the environment (you know how that happens sometimes?? Stress can give you tunnel vision – where you are aware of nothing except your own STRESS – but then when it releases- it’s like the sun seems brighter, the wind crisper, your coffee tastes better, etc. etc.)

I walked cross town. It’s our first really unambiguously cold day. Which thrills me to no end. I ENDURE summer. I come alive in the cold. So I’m wearing my cozy sweater with the hood, and my velvety skirt, and my big down coat, and everything is chilly and cozy and that makes me so happy. Only I’m writing this in retrospect. This morning, during my walk cross town, I was just stressed, so although I noticed the coldness of the air, I did not get any pleasure from it. I didn’t have time to get a coffee. This also added to the stress.

But – on the flipside – once you cross over the east-west boundary in Manhattan – you can just feel how the landscape changes. Or maybe it’s just the feeling in the air, I don’t know. I’m a west side girl. Not really for any particular REASON – it’s just that my friends are all on the west side, most of the crap I do in the city is on the west side, and I have no reason to go over there. When I go to the east side, I go to the East Village. Which is not only different from the east side proper … but an alternate universe altogether. The east side I went to today is the east side of midtown. Where the buildings get enormous – blocks of granite – towering arched windows – the shopping gets high-priced and intimidating – but the buildings! I just love the buildings on that side of town. Midtown WEST side is gritty, industrial, and relatively … ugly … except for the massive gorgeousness that is the post office (however, the entire building is now hidden beneath a burqa for the foreseeable future – due to construction … so I am deprived the sheer breathtaking display whenever I walk by there. I never EVER get sick of looking at that building.)

So hurrying across 34th – with the wind whipping around me – I liked the differences of the buildings – the massive stones, the more somber quality of some of it, there’s less foot traffic, and everything is much more grandiose.

I went to my appt. at the radiologist and was so stressed by the time I got there that I stutteringly said the words “vaginal” and “pelvic” in a flustered question to the SECURITY GUARD who had only asked me, “Which doctor are you looking for?” Not “Tell me, in detail, which procedure you are having …” Sigh. I took the elevator up, feeling vaguely out of control, and embarrassed that I had said those words to a man who did not need to hear them at 9 am. Or at any time of the day for that matter. But I got confused and flustered.

I’m a healthy girl. I always have been. I am not like some of my friends – who have either been in and out of the hospital – for this or that reason … and being sick is ALWAYS stressful. Nobody likes being sick. But I felt just … Oh whatever. I was stressed out, intimidated, and scared.

But Rose Marie – who was the doc there – whom I had never met – is now my new best friend. I love her. She was just so great with me.

And I left there with all of the flustered stress GONE (thanks, Rose Marie!) – and walked back over to the west side. And this time I was fully conscious – even more conscious – because of the adrenaline rush the stress had given me … when it dissipates, all senses open up … I was alive to the beauty of New York City and the beauty of this particular season in New York like I haven’t been in a while.

First of all: the wind. The flags whipping overhead. The glimmering shop windows. The gorgeous shoes on display. The massive Banana Republic I passed. I drooled over the sweaters on the headless models in the window. They all looked beautiful to me – cozy, and lovely, and feminine, and that I would love to wear. I felt like all of the outfits would look good on me. (This NEVER happens … so I am mentioning it because it is indicative of the free-floating joy that coursed through my veins once I left that dern medical center.) I saw a pair of galoshes that I want to get (I know I’m a year behind the trend – but they still seem to be on display, and there was a store with some adorable ones that I passed this morning). I strolled into the wind – and everyone around me had on winter coats, and hats, and I looked up at one point, as I approached 6th Avenue – and there – gleaming – gleaming in white and gold – was the Empire State Building. I love being in that area – a block or 2 away – and looking UP. Especially if you are near the base of it. You get a vertigo. The whole sky seems to tilt, the building appears ready to tip over onto you. It’s such a classic building. Not as sleek and modern as other buildings – but that’s part of why I love it so. It is part of my everyday life. I see it in all its moods at the end of my street at home. I see it take on different colors at night … every color with a meaning … and on late late nights, I see it hovering there, dark, lights out … signifying that it is time for bed!!

As I got nearer to that intersection – I could feel the tourist activity starting to burgeon. Even a block over to the east, you’re not gonna get the tourists – because you’re out of the hub. On the next corner west – you have Macy’s – then there’s Victoria’s Secret there – and Daffy’s – and the Manhattan Mall – it is shopping madness. At all times … but it definitely ratchets up a level at this time of year. For the most part, I find the throngs not just annoying – but vaguely … stressful. I know it’s crazy to live where I live and have a problem with crowds, but I do. There are plenty of places in New York where you can go, and find a quiet spot, and not have a gazillion people all around you … but that particular intersection is NOT one of them. Never is. But on this morning – feeling as I did – reveling in the cold air – the snap of the flags (oh, and I stopped at Dunkin Donuts, and had my hot coffee cup in my hands … eager to take a sip) … I loved the bustle of the crowd. I loved seeing the tourists – stopping to crane their necks up at the Empire State Building (I was doing the same thing!) – or taking out their cameras to snap a shot of Macy’s … everyone wearing earmuffs, or Uggs, or mittens … Winter is in the air. Winter is nearly here. I could not be happier.

And normally I am annoyed by the early-ness of Christmas decorations … but this morning, I reveled in it. EsPECIally at Macy’s. I’m also not very big on window-dressing appreciation – although we are now coming into the season where it becomes almost a spectator sport in New York!! 5th Avenue? Seriously – it transforms itself into a veritable fairyland – every shop window more fantastical and gorgeous than the next. But again – I stroll by such things with blind eyes more often than not.

But this morning I found myself totally drawn to the shimmering beauty in the Macy’s windows. Just for fun, I walked all the way around the building – so I wouldn’t miss a window. The displays of party dresses took up about 6 windows – and these dresses were so beautiful, so exquisite, that I nearly wept. There was one in particular – a black dress, spaghetti straps … and the skirt, though, had an underskirt of a deep midnightblue – and over it was a sheer black skirt … I can’t describe it very well, but it was a stunning dress. I stopped to stare at it. Longingly. Then there was the lit-up gold-dress window … The black dresses were all together, the red dresses were all together … and the gold dresses, on these mannequins who were truly high-fashion mannequins – they were running, bending, leaning over, reaching up … Stunning. Shimmering gold dresses, blinding me. The mannequins wearing the black dresses were all brunettes, or black-haired … and the mannequins wearing the gold dresses were blonde. Something about the entire set up of the party dress windows just pleased me … pleased my eye so much. They were symmetrical, graceful, and also had a theatrical quality to them. They shimmered with life somehow. There were crowds of people wearing mufflers and winter hats taking photos.

I also adored the windows (and they are the smaller windows around Macy’s – almost like little cubbyholes in the wall of the building where you can peek into the little niche within, and see the display) – and in each cubbyhole were displays of shoes (yum) and bags (like tiny little works of art) – and they were displayed as though they were ornaments on a Christmas tree. So there were also these huge glimmering Christmas-tree balls, WAY out-sized – way bigger than basketballs – but gleaming red and blue and green – mirrors – distorting the reflecting faces peeking in – but nestled in among the fir branches, and the gleaming mirrored balls – were these gorgeous brocade looking shoes, or velvet shoes – also little teeny evening bags, silken, or velvet – with delicate little clasps … I’m probably making it sound really prosaic, but something about the cold air, and the wind, and the happy crowds, and the jostle … and looking forward to getting someplace warm, and having my coffee … all of that blended together to make the Macy’s windows almost come to life before my eyes. Beautiful!! Just so beautiful!

There were the Salvation Army people – ringing their bells – wearing their uniforms that do not change from year to year … setting up shop by each door going into Macy’s.

It’s not Christmas without the Salvation Army brigade.

And so.

Suddenly I felt very festive. There was a release. I felt happy and I felt like my city was beautiful and in a good mood. It was revealing its secrets to me (it doesn’t always, you know) … and I felt happy to be let in on it.

I’m going to go visit those Macy’s windows more often. They made me really happy to look at.