Got a couple questions. I’m not mad that you were staring. I just have some questions.
I cannot figure out why you were staring at me the entire ride. And so I began to obsess about possible boogers, bird shit in my hair, or … What is wrong? I wasn’t wearing a cleavage-busting lace corset, striped tights, and hi-tops at 8 in the morning, I wasn’t wearing a crimson cloak and waxen fangs. I realize I wouldn’t fit in with the zombie-clone-girls on The Bachelor – but I’m not THAT off the mark. You didn’t seem like a crazy staring homeless lady. You were well-dressed, normal-looking … and yet you found me unbelievably fascinating, and could not keep your eyes off me – until I got so paranoid that I had to say to you directly, “What?” I didn’t really want an answer, by the way, I just wanted to remind you that I am actually alive and right here and not a movie – and that I can see that you are staring at me. It worked. It was only then that you looked away.
Now, to the questions:
Were you staring because:
— I was wearing a puffy down coat even though it’s about 90 degrees today? That’s a possibility. Yes. I’m way over-dressed today. It FELT like it was chilly … but I was basically totally wrong. But still: is that any call to stare at me for 20 minutes straight? Get over it. I’m wearing a down coat and it’s warm out. Get over it.
— I am wearing “crocs” today. Hideous, yes, I know, well-dressed lady, but so comfortable. They’re like my Birkenstocks. Hideous, true. Most comfortable shoes ever. To quote my first boyfriend’s fashion credo: “Comfort is key.” Comfort is key. I know I wouldn’t make the cut on The Bachelor wearing these ugly things, but I don’t want to fit in with zombie clone girls in their pastel blue, and their black pants, and their long straight hair, and their pointy-toed heels. I don’t LIKE that look and I resist it openly. But here’s the real deal: I’ll wear flip flops with a goddamn ballgown if I want to, and you’re just gonna have to cope.
— I have my hair in a ponytail. I’m obviously grasping at straws here. What is so weird about a ponytail? Are you that rigid? I hope not. It makes me sad for you.
— My empty gym bag sitting on the seat next to me I don’t know why this would cause someone to stare so doggedly – but just in case you were so baffled by the fact that I don’t carry a purse like you, but carry a gym bag – here’s the deal: I go to the gym on occasion. So there’s THAT. I carry my sneakers around with me, as well as a sports bra, T-shirt, deodorant and also a towel – because the towels at the gym are the size of a Kleenex and won’t fit around my hips, and I don’t go to the gym to be reminded of my fat thankyouverymuch. So all of this requires a gym bag. Just in case you’re wicked confused by that. Also, it’s empty because I have to cart a bunch of crap around today – from one location to another – including a huge bamboo plant – and I honestly don’t know how I am going to manage it, but hopefully the gym bag will come in handy. Second of all, if you were staring because it took up a whole seat: the bus was nearly empty. Nobody needed the seat.
— When I laughed out loud while reading 1776
For 20 minutes straight, though?
This reminds me – that Patrick dared me once to walk around an entire day dressed like Louisa May Alcott – huge dress, big bonnet – and not act like it was a costume, or weird at all. To just go about my day … yet dressed like that. I seriously might have to do that. It could be hysterical. I’d have to have someone come along with me though to surreptitiously take pictures of me as I – dressed like a woman in 1865 – walk through Times Square.
It could be a great lazzi.
So thanks for the idea, Staring Lady on the Bus!! Look for me in the next couple of months! I’ll be the chick in the hoop skirt and the bonnet. Howling with laughter on the bus as I read The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
Now here’s the thing. I re-read that and realized you didn’t particularly describe this woman other than that she was well dressed and normal looking but I find myself assuming she’s older because, in my personal experience, this always happens to me with older women. Not OLD women, mind you. Old women usually smile in this conspiratorial way (which I love) OR scowl a bit and look out the window. But sometimes when a woman who is just sufficiently older than you to be less than pleased that she is aging, that she no longer feels young enough to run around in crocs and a ponytail or is less carefree than the woman laughing and reading and toting a gym bag around… well, then she’s probably not thinking about you the person but seeing you this younger creature and irritating reminder of what choices she has made and self-imposed limitations she has created for herself.
…Or maybe she was just a real wierdo.
I’m the sort to say, “What?!?” as well. So I felt some odd satisfaction that you did that. :)
Maybe you just looked hot and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of you… At the height of my popularity in HS, I used to stare at a girl in my Foreign Relations class, a cute band girl who didn’t understand that I was in the TOP clique in the school, and she should be happy for the attention. Apparently, she wasn’t swayed by my status (see Rory Gilmore for TV example)
Marisa – yeah, she was just slightly older. Maybe in her 40s, I’m thinking? She just could not get over me. It wasn’t hostile – not really – but just … fascinated. Weird!
JFH – see Rory Gilmore. HA.
No, I am definitely NOT hot. Crocs, ponytail, puffy down coat. It wasn’t that kind of stare. She just couldn’t get over me. It wasn’t judgmental either. I was certainly annoyed by it, because I was taught that staring like that is rude – but it wasn’t hostile.
Haha. A couple of weeks ago, I went into my local bar to pick up some dinner. The bar setup is a center island with tables all around. I sat at the bar and soon noticed that there was a pretty good looking woman directly across the bar who was staring at me. I ordered some food and she was still staring at me. This kept on for a few minutes and got really disconcerting. And she was with a guy who was obviously her boyfriend or husband and another couple. Why was she so openly staring at me?
I went through the whole gamut like you did…something on my face? Something in my hair? Have I had a stroke and half my face is drooping? It finally dawned on me to turn around and sure enough, they’d put in a new tv that I didn’t see when I walked in. Her angle to it just made it appear that she was staring at me.
They all did stare at me for a second though, after I burst out laughing for(to them) no apparent reason.
The fascinated stare is a completely different thing. Because I DO that. I hate to admit it and I try not to but I am such a people watcher AND I’m an artist so I’m always looking at the lines and how someone’s bone structure is unusual or how the color of their hair stands out against the color of their short or whatever. And then at the same time this whole imagined who they could be thing is going on and well, I’ve tried to learn just to glance at people periodically instead of staring. But some people are just fascinating.
It doesn’t surprise me at all that you – with or without crocs and puffy jacket and ponytail and all – would be fascinating. Some people are just the kind of people you can’t help look at.
in the immortal words of my friend justin while trying to convince me not to fight some drunken loser, ‘my motto is, i don’t have a problem and you’re not going to give me one.’
or, if you really wanna get angry, ‘i dont’ have a problem and your not going to give me one.’
Marisa,
I was kind of thinking the same thing, especially since Sheila says the woman didn’t come off hostile or anything. Maybe she was just someone interested in faces and the like. That still doesn’t make it any more comforatble when you’re the stare-ee, but I think it’s a good possibility.
Marisa – yeah, I’m a people-watcher, too. So if I saw a woman laughing out loud while reading 1776 on the bus – well, first of all, I personally would think: There is my doppelganger. I would love her. Not to say I love myself – I’m just saying that that kind of behavior is something that calls attention to itself, and I would totally notice it.
Yeah, it definitely wasn’t snotty or hostile. But she couldn’t stop.
If it had been a guy staring like that, it would have felt much different – creepy and hostile (even if he didn’t mean to be). Just a different connotation totally.
Dave E – ha!!! I love stories like that … that’s happened to me, too, like, I think: what in GOD’S name are you looking at? And then I notice that there’s like a parade of beplumed elephants walking along behind me or something.
I’m in agreement that it is rude to simply stare, but could she have been admiring something? She could have been wishing she had red hair, or perfect skin, or a book to alleviate her boredom. Or maybe she can’t read and resents your flaunting the ability. You flaunter.
And “possible boogers” just went on my mental list of unexpected phrases, so thanks for that.
Maybe she can’t read … hahahahaha
And I guess it’s good that I’m NOT the type of person to be like, “Wow, that lady is staring at me. OBVIOUSLY she is admiring me, because I am just SO. STUNNING.” However, I can take it too far and get all paranoid and junior high-ish about it.
And you’re welcome, re: possible boogers.
If you walk around New York in a hoop skirt and bonnet, give us some warning – I’d find a way to come to NY to see the reactions you get. (And take pictures of it too)
Melissa – hmmm, I think the BEST thing to do would be to go visit the huge Charmin Bathroom in Times Square wearing a hoop skirt and bonnet.
OH GOD! That would be Hilarious!!!!
I am just laughing at your description of yourself – a woman wearing a big puffy down coat AND crocs on a 90F day, reading a book about the founding fathers and randomly guffawing while taking up an extra seat on the bus with her (empty) gym bag, mentally twitching while doing an internal checklist of all the things that could be possibly wrong with her before finally blurting out, “WHAT.”
Nah, I wouldn’t stare.
lol I am really laughing now though about the idea of using the Charmin bathrooms in a hoop skirt. The contortions!
okay…the combo of the pony-tail,puffy coat,crocs and 1776- inspired guffawing..im sorry..i love u more than my life..but id probably stare too..u do present a visual coundrum…almost constantly..i wouldnt have it any other way..but the people have always stopped and stared..must i remind u about the potted plant at Cherry Webb & Terrain(sp?)
Carrie – hahahahahaha I am howling – now that you put it that way, and put it all together – I can see what a total FREAK I am!! Of COURSE she stared! Can’t stop laughing ….
Mitchell – HAHAHAHA Okay, okay, I cave. I’m a total weirdo. hahahahaha
At least the woman didn’t shout “you red-headed pussy bitch” like those jagoffs in Chicago. Who shouted at me from a moving car. For what reason, please??
Please let’s remember that you were walking along next to me, carrying a frying pan.
And yet I got the abuse.
And the image of you hiding in a freakin’ potted plant watching Mere and me shop for necklaces at CWT will make me happy until the day I die.
Sheila, just imagine, what would the Fug girls say? lol
The Sheila Fugiations
We all know crocs are comfortable. But do the hot pink ones which looked so cute in an not-really-cute-but-actually-hideously-ugly-without-an-ounce-of-irony sort of way do your late 70s style Michelin man puffy armed and shiny down jacket any justice on this sweltering, ninety degree day?
Sure, you may be able to wiggle your toes, and we all know, comfort is key but the incongruity of your open-heeled almost, dare we say, sandalishy footwear with your stifling-just-to-look-at coat/protective gear is making us dizzy.
We also wonder how far our finger would go in were we to push the puffiness. You look so soft and cozy, in a shiny sort of way. Like the most amazing bedspread ever. So if in our dizziness we fall over, at least the landing will be squishily soft.
However, the (empty) gym bag is an inspired touch. And we love the fact that the bodice ripper you are reading is called 1776. Fabio romancing Martha Washington in a hoop skirt and corset has got to be a hoot. So we totally understand the guffaws.
A little hint, put the coat into the bag, lady. We are sweating just looking at you.
Carrie – I’m dying!! You’re brilliant!! I would definitely not pass Fug Girl muster in that get-up.
Man. I don’t stop by for a few days and Sheila goes all fuggy on us. Carrie. That was hilarious.
Are we sure she was staring at you? Because I do that ALL THE TIME. I just kinda space out and it looks like I’m being all creepy and stare-y but I’m not even paying attention. Maybe she’s just crazy. Or maybe you are…
Whatever. I’m sure ONE OF us is crazy. :-P
Could be that she thought she recognized you but wasn’t sure because you were dressed so differently. Maybe she saw you in a show and was trying to recall where she had seen you before. Maybe she was just looking while thinking of something totally different and you thought she was staring.
alli – I am now convinced it is because I look crazy. Thanks to Carrie and Mitchell. hahahaha The thing about being crazy is (and this is true across the board): crazy people don’t KNOW they’re crazy. They THINK they’re sane – and often (actually) they are the sanest people in the room.