I’m going through a major cleaning purge this weekend – it’s almost scary – and I came across this teeny notebook my aunt Regina gave me when I was in high school – a blank book. It apepars that I used it mostly for writing down my dreams but in the middle of it, I came across this transcription of an old Steve Martin skit that Mere and I loved so much that apparently we had memorized it. I can hear Steve Martin’s voice here – he plays Socrates.
JUNE 13
Mere and I can recite this entire thing word for word. It’s Steve Martin.
Plato runs in.
“Okay, Socrates! Here’s your hemlock!”
“Ah, thank you.” (gulps it down) “So! What’s the verdict? When do I get out of here?”
“But Socrates, the verdict was death!”
“Death? You’ve got to be kidding me! For what?”
“For teaching the youth wisdom.”
“Well, I’ll take it all back! Call them in here! I’ll renounce everything! Let’s get out of here. Let’s go get some Chinese food.”
“But Socrates! You drank the hemlock!”
“So what?”
“It’s poisonous.”
…………….. “It is? Since when?”
“Didn’t you know that hemlock is poisonous?”
“I do now. Look, I only know general things. What is truth, what is justice. I never learned details like what is poisonous and what is not poisonous … That’s the kind of thing that irritates me about you guys.” (shoves Plato. Sighs.) “All right. I’m going to die. So what? When’s this stuff take effect? 2, 3 years?”
“2, 3 minutes.”
………………………….
Socrates: “What a busy day this was. All right. I’m gonna lay here and I’m going to die – and you know what’s going to happen? You guys are gonna go out and you’re gonna have lunch and you’re gonna sit and stare at each other. I was the only one in this whole group who ever said anything. It was always, ‘Socrates, what is truth?’ ‘Socrates, what is the nature of the good?’ ‘Socrates, what should I order?’ ‘Socrates, what are you having?’ And not ONCE did anyone ever say, ‘Socrates, hemlock is poisonous.'”
LOL… I never heard that one, was it on Saturday Night Live?
(Pretty sure it wasn’t on any of his albums, but it could have been on one of his specials, I guess)
I am pretty sure it was on one of his specials – I’ve searched for it before on You Tube and came up with nada. But I don’t THINK it was SNL … isn’t it hilarious? Even after all these years I can hear his snarky tone of voice saying, “I do now!”
Oh, man, Flashback to 971 Main St. up in Mere’s room….
It is so funny how if we liked something, we would MEMORIZE IT (think:What’s up Doc). A little OCD, but a bit of foreshadowing, too. I can still smell her sheets- the perfect blend of clean linen and extra bleach. No matter how I try, I can never perfect that smell.
Never heard this either! Hahahahaha! I love him so much.
OMG I LOVED that skit. definitely from one of his specials. Man, I would love to see those again. I can picture the whole thing too. I love him! I think that skit was in the same special as his “I believe” speech and the Olympic diving skit..( “the screaminglikeamaniac dive..”)
Hilarious.
I never heard that one either, but I can totally hear him going, “It IS? Since when?”
hahahahaha. I love Steve Martin.
I remember that one! I think it was SNL – could be wrong though – hil-feckin’-arious —do any of you remember when he played back-up banjo for John Denver?
I remember that one! I think it was SNL – could be wrong though – hil-feckin’-arious —do any of you remember when he played back-up banjo for John Denver?
Steve Martin is so good. I’d never seen this, but I can see this… especially at the end. “You guys are just gonna sit and STARE. ‘Socrates, what is truth? Socrates, what is justice? Socrates, what should I order?’ and not ONCE did anyone EVER say, ‘Socrates, hemlock is poisonous!'” BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
King Tut – I totally remember that. I absolutely LOVED when he played the banjo. So so funny.
Was it Twilight Theater?
Oh man – I need to see it again. I don’t think it was SNL – I seem to remember it being part of a show that was all Martin all the time.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0336189/
Meredith you are a genius!!
Oh my God – did you see that Joyce Dewitt was a costar?? hahahaha
I KNOW!! I just wish it was available on DVD. or even VHS! or even the audio tape recording of it from my TV in the kitchen on Main St. in 1980.
I know!!
Why didn’t I hold my tape recorder up to the screen like I did with, oh, Orphan Train???