I have recently re-connected with an old boyfriend through Facebook. It’s been a lot of fun chatting with him and reminiscing and having Rashomon conversations about our memories. We were catching each other up on our lives. I told him I just finished my first book (YES. I FINISHED IT. IT IS NOW IN MY AGENT’S HANDS. I CAN RELAX FOR, WHAT, TWO SECONDS??? I told her after sending her the manuscript through the mail that I needed to hear when it safely arrived “because I feel right now like I am a parent letting my child take public transportation by themselves for the first time”) and he was asking me about it. I told him a little bit about the book.
What was his first comment?
Did he say, “Congratulations on finishing your first book!” ?
No.
Did he say, “I can’t wait to buy my own copy!” ?
No.
He said, “Am I in there?”
I am laughing out loud. This has been the general response of the “boys I have known” (at least the ones who know about my book) – I mentioned it in passing here.
Of course Michael is the most obvious example, just because I’m in touch with him on a regular basis and also because he doesn’t mind me posting his emails (“I’m a whore” he stated bluntly). Michael is relentless. I love that about him. He’s not afraid to be demanding. It’s one of our jokes. But it’s not just Michael. Another one of the “boys” (now in his 50s, for God’s sake), asked me, “So … will you dedicate the book to me?” I am laughing out loud. The balls! I was like, “Goddammit, NO, I will NOT dedicate the book to you – haven’t I given you enough??” He couldn’t stop himself. “But … why not?”
Oh, these men. These men still kill me. If any of them were NOT egotistical about their position in my life I would be bummed out. I really need the comedy of this right now.
I just love that this man I have not been in touch with for years has joined in in the never-ending chorus.
“Will I be in there?”
“Will you call it MICHAEL?”
“Will you dedicate it to me?”
“You need to write a whole book just about your experiences with me. It would be a best-seller.” (that one was Michael’s.)
I probably should add an essay to the entire mix, explaining this whole ex-boyfriend-as-relentless-and-endearing-egotist theme.
well, CONGRATULATIONS on your book — that’s absolutely wonderful!
and, you can relax as much as any parent does when their child is being watched by a babysitter for the first time. ^_^
First – CONGRATULATIONS! That is awesome and wonderful and amazing and I love how you described the feeling of having sent it off to your agent.
And Second – That’s hilarious. In some way it should be tremendously flattering. They probably see themselves and understand and define themselves to some degree by the man they were with you and the place they hold in your orbit. Perhaps you just have that effect on people, because clearly you “keep” people. My sister “keeps” people – and it’s fascinating to me how, after all these years, they are all still somehow connected. And many of her growing tribe often seem to see themselves, to some degree, through her eyes and their importance in her history.
You should send them all an affectionate joke gift of Carly Simon’s seminal work on CD.
hahahahahahahahaha
“Here you go, boys. From me to you. From, Sheila, your loving chronicler”
I would love it if one of my ex-boyfriends was a writer and could “chronicle” me. Of course I would only love it if it was flattering. Naturally.
I know my memory is a freak of nature – and so I think there is something comforting to them that they are remembered – as specific, and alive, and three-dimensional. I know it means a lot to me when I know that I am remembered by someone – it makes me feel not so alone.
And thanks for the congratulations and the excitement. This has been almost 2 years of nearly constant work and angst. Now comes the next phase – which I am MORE than ready for – it’s just good to have it DONE!
I am so proud of you, Sheila. I feel a little like a bystander at a major parade, watching an elaboratly flowered float go by, marveling at the effort and accomplishment. Only this time I sort of know the people who made the float. As for your former boyfriends–Of course they are in there, somewhere.
A BIG CONGRATULATIONS Sheila!
I am sooo excited for you. And me – that someday soon we/I get to read it.
Actually that makes perfect sense. I think it IS reassuring to be remembered like that – and my sister is like you, she remembers EVERYTHING and she writes letters and blogs about it and everyone who comes into her world knows that they were noticed and that little details of them mattered to her.
Well I know a lot of people are incredibly excited for you, hon. I read that and was tickled to death that I’ll be able to have your hard work and your wonderful words in my hands and on my bookshelf. Considering how worshipful many of us are of he written word, and the joy that a library gives us – I think your readers are in a unique position to understand the importance of you adding your first volume to that world. Your book will be placed lovingly on many a bibliophile’s hallowed shelf (after a much-anticipated read!). Best wishes!!!
Also, it must be said that I have pretty good taste in men so I am obviously not going to publish a screed entitled Douchebags I Have Dated.
(Although I would definitely read such a book!!)
I know there’s a time in life for everything and moments when you’re ready for something to happen, but I’ve been reading your blog for ages now and can’t remember the last time I didn’t pop in and wonder “why is this woman not a famous writer? Why isn’t she being published?” To see you write the words “my editor,” all I can think is “FINALLY.”
Congratulations. I’ll be sleeping on the sidewalk outside of Barnes and Noble the night before it hits the stands. In costume. I’m thinking Sharon Tate, maybe.
Congratulations, Sheila! It’s a great accomplishment.
You will now be the second published author I have met – at least, that I am aware of. (Wouldn’t it be a kick in the teeth if some kid from my high school was using John Le Carre as a pen name?)
And yes, of course… if I ever publish a book I’ll work you in there!
I figured they must be all or at least mostly pretty awesome guys. YOU dated them, for starters. And you always have a lot of joyful and interesting memories to share about them. They are really what got me reading you at first, in fact. I was able to relate to someone having this history of close relationships with men who each have their own important place in your life. So many women refer to the men they have dated as if they are this group of terrible memories and bad people – and you never do. …And I never do. And I liked that about you from the beginning.
But yeah, I would probably read the Douchebag book, too. ;)
CONGRATULATIONS, Sheila! Fantastic.
Emily, I think you should dress up as Mr. Chocolate.
Hahaha. How much would that freak everyone out?
“Um, why are you in a sleeping bag outside of a bookstore, dressed like a bear?”
“Sheila’s book is coming out tomorrow. Duh.”
I’m crying!!!
Um, why would we be waiting at the bookstore?! I’m waiting for my hand-delivered first-edition autographed copy!!!! “To Lisa: Whose love for St. Elmo’s Fire inspired me to write this book. To Emily: We’ll always have Jar-Jar.”
hahahahaha Jar jar!!
And I love that everyone wants to be in the book somehow – I’m dying!!!
Yes. Your love of St. Elmo’s Fire was my primary driving force. The wind beneath my wings.
I don’t expect to make an appearance in Sheila’s work, but Jar-Jar is going to be effing pissed if he doesn’t at least have his own chapter.
Congrats on the book! Looking forward to buying it!
wait. i’m confused. i thought I was the wind beneath your wings. there’s a chapter about me in there, right? i mean i know i’m not techically a man and i’m not technically a past love interest of yours. but i was SURE that all those hours spent curled up in my bed watching celebrity rehab with drew pinsky and slings and arrows and marilyn monroe saying things like “what if somebody’s name is butler.” not to mention all the time we spent doing interpretive dance together and playing games like “let’s guess who has a picture in the dictionary”…well i thought all that would at LEAST warrant a chapter. don’t forget…you wrote your very first blog post ever in my very apartment. i can’t wait to read about myself…oops, i mean your book.
//i can’t wait to read about myself.//
hahahahahahahahahaha
So when’s the hooray-the-book’s-done party? My first thought was, somebody needs to buy this girl a Guinness!
Sheila, the warmest congratulations to you. It never ceases to amaze me how you possess such a gift of wit, warmth, and expression that touches chords with so many people. Your posts are part of my daily brain food and it’ll be fantastic to see you on my bookshelf as well. (Is next to “At Swim-Two-Birds” going to be okay with you?)
Seriously. Name an Irish pub. Name a night. I’m there.
Allison- the NEXT book is going to be “Girls that WERE in my life, and still are…”
We are definitely in THAT book. Have you started it yet ,Sheila? Cause I’m kinda like Allison- I can’t wait to read myself…
(you’d think I’d get my own blog….)
Congratulations!
Mind you, I will be PO’d if it gets to the point where I have to elbow my way past tens of thousands of adoring fans just to leave a comment here. ;-)
Beth: I think we should throw in qualifier to that title…something like, “the Marvelous women…” or the “remarkably gifted and preternaturally beautiful women…” you know, just so we don’t get lumped in with all the rest.
Allison- BWA hahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha!! “Just so we don’t get lumped in with all the rest…”
Maybe we should just name it “Allison and Beth”.
Many many many congratulations.
I adore thematic consistency
See the second paragraph here. Read this. Then of course there is this. There have been a couple of other incidents along these lines. The most blatant was when one guy – arguably the most important guy of all (but…