The End, and Also The Beginning

Many years ago now, when I was living in Chicago, my core group of friends (we had all been friends since college, and all ended up in Chicago) went to go see James Taylor. It was a hot beautiful summer night. We took no less than 40 pictures of each other in the parking lot – with all of our cameras. It was a paparazzi frenzy.

In retrospect, it is funny and odd that we would have suddenly took pictures of ourselves, in every grouping possible, because our time together in Chicago would soon be coming to an end. Although we didn’t know that yet.

David and Maria, married for almost two years at this point, would be gone to New York in two months. But they didn’t know that at the time the pictures were taken. They also didn’t know that in over a year’s time they would have their first child, and then, a second one a couple of years later. The oldest is in middle school now. Unimaginable at the time.

Everything was about to change.

I was about to get my heart broken in the biggest way possible. It would be years before I would come out of it, as shameful as that is sometimes to admit. At the time the photos were taken, there was still some hope. In just a month, I would be devastated, bereft, and then, willy-nilly, get cast in a show that would take me to Ithaca immediately – where I met and dated Michael. I can’t believe now that there is a time when I did not know him. But at the time, I was all caught up in this other man (Michael referred to him contemptuously as “The Baby Boomer” and a couple years ago when Michael stayed with me, he said, “So … what, is the Baby Boomer, like, 80 now?” Still contemptuous! I love continuity!), he was my entire WORLD. Life became a howling wilderness when he left, and in some ways, I never really got over it. You find ways to compensate, and I did, but it was devastating. In some people’s stories, the narrative goes: “After losing this man and losing her mind … she found the right man and they’ve been together for 15 years.” That did not happen for me, so I found ways to adjust. I also would be gone in a year’s time – moved to New York – but I had no inkling of that at the time the photos were taken. Chicago was my whole life. My home.

Jackie was single and dating, not happy with any of them, not really. In less than a year’s time, she would meet (or re-meet, since she had known him for a couple of years) her now-husband, a wonderful warm man who loves her to death. They now have two awesome children, and Jackie has made a beautiful life for herself. But at the time these photos were taken, of course, none of that could be seen. It couldn’t even be imagined. If you had said to her in that parking lot of the James Taylor concert, “Jackie, someday you will marry Stuart – you know Stuart, right?” she would have been like: WHAT???? Amazing how life works out.

Mitchell, the last of us to arrive in Chicago, is the only one of our core group who is still there. He was abandoned by all of us, and I am not sure he really forgives us, to this day. He was struggling to make an acting career at the time, doing good work, but it was job to job. He now is a known actor in Chicago, with a following. He does regular gigs – circuses, one-man shows, movies and straight plays … and it’s a wonderful career. At the time, that could not be seen. It was the “substance of things hoped for” and it has now come to pass.

But still – there the five of us are … on the brink of major change … unseeing, unknowing … but still vibrantly in the moment.

I think somehow we all sensed it. I don’t know how we sensed it, but there is the fact of the spontaneous photo shoot in the parking lot. And also how beautiful the photos came out, and how they really seem to capture our vibe together as friends. Something was in the air that day.

An inkling of the future, perhaps. Just a glimpse. Maybe we all saw it, sensed it, and that is why we raced around, posing, laughing, snapping …

This time will pass. Don’t forget to enjoy it. And always remember.