I’m nervous. I’m not a writer. At least that’s what I always begin with whenever I start writing something for others to read to diminish any expectations and then I pathetically proceed to try to write like John Irving, or Charles Dickens or whomever I may be reading at the time and loving (currently Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible). My psychology is such that I often vacillate between complete self-deprecation bordering on serious abuse to utter self-glorification bordering on megolamania. So when Sheila asked me to “babysit” her blog for 1 week I said, “Hell yes! A week to write out my thoughts, ideas, experiences and opinions with an already established, well-earned audience. OK! And just a week? Perfect. That will be just enough time before the demons take over informing me of the fact that I’m not a writer and that my thoughts, ideas, experiences and opinions are not only wrong, they’re downright ugly.”
This is me.
I just shot a commercial yesterday for Bank One/Chase (I guess they’re merging) which is titled “I Want”. The audition and the shoot basically consisted of me reiterating lines like, “I want free checking”, “I want ATM’s everywhere”, etc. But at the call back the director stopped me and asked, “What do YOU want right now David?” Being trained as an actor to show up and tell the truth I answered thusly:
“I want this job. But more than that I want you to think I’m special. I want some validation. I want you to sit in stunned silence after I leave this room and then look at each other in awe saying, ‘Who was that guy?’ I want that woman {pointing to a lady in the audition panel} to be thinking, ‘Wow what gorgeous blue eyes he has, I bet he’s an amazing lover’ and I want THAT guy to be wishing he was just like me. I want you to stop the demons in my head by picking me and proving to them that they’re wrong and that I am special. That’s what I want.
There was an uncomfortable pause and the director said, “That’s great, now how about something a bit more superficial.”
I said, “I want a yacht with 5 butlers.” I got the job.
As for writing about the Red Sox, I’m not so sure. As you can probably already deduce (if anyone is even still reading this) my psychology and the journies of the Boston Red Sox are ideally and cruelly suited. In fact I think that who I am has more to do with the path of the Red Sox and less to do with my mother’s mythic narcissism and my father’s intense cruelty. So to write about them in an intelligent manner (the Red Sox, not my parents) is impossible for me. In fact had I wrote the essay Sheila was talking about it would’ve been filled with thoughts about trading Nomar and how he has become a complete failure in my eyes. Yet, if I were to write about him now I would be praising him. This is the third time I’ve sold Nomar down the river, the first being after the playoffs last year and the second during the A-Rod talks. I think I just heard the rooster crow. The second half of this season may just be titled, “The Passion of the Nomar”
I’m not so nervous anymore, I’m excited.
Hmmm. Nobody’s commented. I’m a failure at this.
Oh, is that your self-deprecating mood swing? It’ll swing back.
Feel free to use the following, depending on how your mood is swinging at the time.
YOU SUCK!
Dude! YOU’RE AWESOME!
Hope we have helped. Neuroses will be fed on a daily basis in this space.
Not so nervous anymore, eh? Hmmm…we’ll have to work on that.
Hi, BTW. Welcome to this blog-thang. I hope you have fun.
Bring Back Red!
Just kidding. I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse audiences than this.
Ah, I like the new color motif. Can I blog here some time as “silver”?
Oh, and I forgot to mention: David needs validation. He is neurotic. Yet in a very manly sexy way. :)
Mitch:
If you read my post “Theatrical Bombs I have Been In” – you will hear of mine and David’s experience with the worst play ever. An audience member actually stood up during one of my scenes and YELLED AT US.
Can’t ever get worse than that.
Welcome! Um…can I borrow money?
(A lousy follow-up sentence, but I’m busier ‘n heck at work today and blew my wad with “Welcome!”)
The word “welcome” makes you blow your wad? Jeez, you are one lucky man.
ONLY five butlers? Self-deprecating, indeed. Welcome aboard. The passengers on this ship are a bit rowdy and more than a bit crazy, but we’re (usually, mostly) well-meaning. Odds are, since Sheila’s put you in temporary command while she takes shore leave, we PROBABLY won’t toss you overboard.
(Did I overdo that metaphor?) ;-)
Nicely done, Dave J. Very impressive.
Hi Dave, nice to see one of Red’s friends. Good start today and a good answer on the audition. I guess all of us will just have to look for you.
I did read that post – in fact, it was probably the one that hooked me on this blog. I haven’t re-read it since “Blue” signed on, but the story rings a big bell.
When I did Henry II in “Lion in Winter” (it was college, but I was pretty good if I say so myself), during the pin-drop quiet, intimate scene at the end with Eleanor, this 11-year-old kid in the second row (very small theater, thrust stage) whispers “This is STUPID” just loudly enough for the whole theatre to hear. I stayed in character, but oy, it wasn’t easy.
Since then, any time I have to stay in character (with kids, it happens a lot), I remember that scene…
HAHAHAHA
Dave,
You’re fine. I suggest letting us know up front that you are the one writing. I got in a few before I figgered it wasn’t you-know-who.
Secondly, you should read Moneyball as well. The Red Sox and the Blue Jays are two teams that are adopting its train of thought, thanks to recent acquisitions in the front office: disciples of Billy Beane, to be exact, from the As, who made Moneyball possible.
It’s an easy and eye-opening read.
Welcome to you! I look forward to reading what comes out of your keyboard.
David,
Great beginning. I loved the audition story and look forward to reading more from you…even though I will miss Sheila terribly while she is gone.
Sheila has red hair. I won’t ask the obvious question.
However, I will ask that you post when you know the commercial is ready to be shown. We’ll be on the lookout.
p.s. I’m a bigger pervert than Emily. Just thought I’d throw that in.
Don’t listen to Ken. He’s a liar.
Hi David, hope your stay here isn’t too painful. ;-)
I can’t believe Red Sox fans are ready to sell Nomar down the river. Emulating the very WORST aspects of the Yankees is not the path to a World Championship. If Steinbrenner had listened to all the fair-weather Yankee fans and ditched Derek Jeter when he was struggling badly, the Sox would have a far better chance to go all the way. Of course the BEST thing the Sox could have done to ensure their ultimate triumph this year would have been to hire Joe Torre away from the Yanks. Even though I’m a Cardinals fan and I’d like to see Joe back where he belongs, I couldn’t believe the Red Sox didn’t even try to get him, especially since he was not at all happy with George at the end of last season.
I’m not proud of the fact I sold Nomar down the river, no more than Peter was proud of denying Jesus. But I did. And I have no problems comparing the two scenarios. Can you see my problem?
Also, I completely agree with you about Torre!! Completely. But I don’t think he was really available.
“I’m not proud of the fact I sold Nomar down the river”
I understand, people under duress do strange things. But even if a person feels guilty about biting his nose off to spite his face, he’s still left without a nose. And a guy needs his nose if he’s trying to beat the Yankees…
Am not!
First, I love Sheila’s account of the play you two did.
Second, I took as a challenge the few hints Sheila dropped about your acting career. After poking around on Google I have the following question: Does your surname start with W? Feel free not to answer.
We got a detective among us. That’s me.
You suck David! We want Sheila!
She–LA!
She–LA!
Or should that be “She-Ra?”
Nah, just kidding. You’re doing just great. Just don’t dye your hair red while you’re in charge. Redheads are such evil people after all….
Hi David.
Pleasedtameetcha.
I can see why Sheila decided to choose you to babysit. You ramble well.
That was a compliment.
Also, you ARE a writer. You used ‘vacillate’ in appropriate context.
I say pay no attention to your mood, as long as you fill the page. It’s kinda like listening to your own voice in playback; you can’t take the words back, you can only try to keep people from hearing them.
Scanning the others, I might have commentary for them, too. You do good work.
…and for the Record, I want Rachel True, Lisa Bonet, Liv Tyler and Salma Hayek all in Private School Plaid for one evening. Just one.
If Red reads this, mish ya much, have a great Vacation!