To the Supernatural community we have created here, and I know many of you still show up on occasion, I have been informed of the very sad news that Paula – a regular commenter here – passed away this past August. Paula was also a writer of fanfic and I have been reading comments from other fanfic writers, sharing how supportive she was of their work, reading drafts, making suggestions, fully engaged with her own process, but also with others’ process. Paula was an important part of the very specific “vibe” created on this site, through those epic comments threads, the threads which gave us all so much joy. She was smart and sensitive, open to others’ opinions, and able to share her own (without “bashing” anyone who disagreed). One of the unique things that happened here was how we collectively created a space where you could share what you felt without being criticized (or doxxed, or harassed, as we have seen elsewhere in other fandom spaces: The Supernatural fandom can be A LOT).
Paula was here from the beginning. I was looking through her old comments this morning, and so many memories came back! She felt things deeply, she shared her disappointment in later seasons, but was devoted enough to continue watching and – very important – see the good. I often couldn’t, because I was so disappointed, but she still engaged with the art she loved so much. Her comments often helped me calm down. I’d be like “THIS SUCKED”, and she’d show up and leave some eloquent long comment about the value she perceived, moments she pulled out that pleased her – and she did all this without making anyone feel bad who felt differently. I often went back for a second look, based on her observations.
She was a Sam Winchester Whisperer. She was hurt by what was done to the character in later seasons (I think we all sensed this, that nobody “over there” understood Sam or knew how to write him), and was eloquent in her explanations as to what was wrong, what was missing. She stuck up for Sam, she had his entire life in her head at all times – her memory!! – and so she could point out why what was being done was so egregious. I often leaned on her for those observations, since I tended towards Dean Whispering. I loved Sam, but Paula was Sam’s archivist and memoirist.
We were also connected on Instagram, and I loved to see pictures of her life, her family, her husband and dear son, her dogs, the happiness she seemed to find in the small things. Fandom sometimes has a bad reputation because it can get quite toxic and be unwelcoming to anyone with divergent views. Paula always did it right.
She didn’t just comment on Supernatural posts here. She also commented on reviews of movies she had seen, and any other topic that struck her fancy. Here’s a comment she left on a review I wrote of a film called Relic, a haunting horror film which was really about the struggles of caring for elderly relatives. It gives such a good feel for her writing, and the thinking and heart behind it:
A study of identity and guilt rolled up in a burrito of horror. First, the cinematography was beautiful especially in the first half. All that space and distance on the roads, in the forest and between the three characters was lovely and then the transition to claustrophobic both physically in the house and emotionally between the women. The final image of the three women really got me as well.
As a former caretaker for a relative with dementia, this really hit that experience on the head. The whiplash reactions, the stubborn independence, the paranoia and the guilt. The divide between the daughter’s practical taking-charge and the granddaughter’s empathy shows there is no easy answer how to approach it (in a haunted house, that’s a complication, lol).
The emotional journeys were nicely done in those moments where Sammy calling Kay mom and Kay inviting Gran home.
And yes on the horror! //go check into a motel// <<< This! Damn, ladies, get out – you have a car, use it! I constantly have these infinite house dreams (which interestingly enough in this context is a reflection of the search for self and identity) and this movie is nightmare fodder.
As you can see, she was a perceptive critic, open to everything a work of art was doing, its framing, its visuals, its atmosphere.
I no longer post about Supernatural but the community remains. I have said it before and I will say it again: I have written about many subjects and have found many “fellow travelers” for all these subjects. I value anyone who chooses to spend their time here. But the Supernatural crowd “hit different”. The hunger for frank and honest and friendly discussion of the show was insatiable. Paula was a huge part of helping to create the vibe we all cherished here. The rest of the world might be divided and rancorous, but at least we could come together here and talk about Henrikksen and henleys, coffee pots and Sam’s hair, the pros and cons of the bunker, and what the hell happened in Season 12.
Please keep her devastated family in your thoughts. I will add any links here (tribute/memorium pages, obituaries) if they become available. In the meantime, please consider making a donation in her name (Paula Brown Chapman) to Gilda’s Club Minnesota. (Thank you, Jessie, for the idea.)
Paula was a valued person in our community. I was happy to get to know her. We will miss her very much!
I’m very saddened by this news. I was thinking about her just a few days ago, wondering if I could track her down because I had lost touch. She was a joy to interact with, always kind and with a great sense of humour. I’ll be thinking of her loved ones and donating to Gilda’s Club (will message to get her last name).
So very sorry for her family and close friends.
She really was so great. She listened to every opinion but didn’t feel defensive if it didn’t jibe with her own. she’d just state her take in response, backed up with her observations – and then whoosh, you were off to having a great conversation about it! She was gifted that way. And yes – so funny!
I did notice she had gone silent on Instagram – I think her last post was in May – so I did wonder what was up.
Raising a glass of whiskey poured from the Men of Letter’s cut-glass decanter in her memory.
I’m so sorry to hear this! Paula was unfailingly kind, funny, and perceptive. A great fic writer, too. I’ve stepped away from a lot of fandom communities at this point, but will always remember Paula as a force for good within the SPN family.
(One conversation from your epic threads that immediately came to mind was her familiarity with the Elvis burger-)
Thank you for posting this, Sheila.
Barb – Jessie was the one who shared the news with me and I thought I should pass it on.
oh my gosh, the Elvis burger!! I was self-centered enough to think the writers put that in there for me. (Sheila, you’re delusional.)
I was looking at some responses on Tumblr and so many people were sharing that she helped them with their fic, or read rough drafts, etc. It’s very touching and says a lot about her.
I’m so sorry to hear this. She was one of my favourite contributors here and such a great presence in the fic community too. She will be missed.
I am loving the stories about her involvement in fanfic and how many good memories people have of her.
I always always looked forward to her “take”, whatever it was.
This is sad news indeed. Paula was insightful and positive. I enjoyed her perspective and her writing here. I’m sure she’s deeply missed by those who knew her and loved her.
Thanks for posting the link to Gilda’s Club.
I am keeping her young son in my thoughts. She adored him. It’s so sad.
Oh, my gosh, I am so sad to see this! We were Instagram friends, too, but you don’t always notice when people stopped posting. I always enjoyed seeing her point of view on those threads here.
Same. You were never sure what she was going to say but it was always insightful – and a launching pad for further discussions.
we should all be so lucky as to have you write about us, Sheila; this is a moving tribute to her decency, fun, and earned wisdom. You are so right about her holding Sam in her head – she was so good at maintaining a throughline of all the crazy stuff he went through — and importantly, she wasn’t a weirdo brother partisan – she saw them both with clear eyes and valued them for who they were in the show. She knew the difference between what was in the show, what could be extrapolated from the show, and what was just fun to think about – it’s crazy to say this is a remarkable skill in fandom and she had it haha.
I think she found a real home in fandom and fic communities and always gave back as much as she felt she got. She had been writing a while before she came into fandom (I think her ambition was always to be a personal essayist) and was a member of some writing groups, and so on, and she was always interested in learning, always interested in helping, creating little friend groups, saying yes to things. But so pragmatic and straightforward and never lost or compromised her point of view. Really one of the good ones. To quote Helena: I’ll miss our talks.
Jessie – thank you, again, for passing on the sad news. She was such a great participant here – and I looked forward to her comments.
// it’s crazy to say this is a remarkable skill in fandom and she had it haha. //
It’s really true. Because she backed up her love for the show with insightful analysis – and she understood stories, and how these two characters had identical/separate stories – and how they intersected. And yes without declaring she was a “Sam girl” or whatever (no disrespect to those people – it’s just that Paula was different.) Because Jensen really was my “way in” – his first moments of interiority in Dead in the Water – I was so focused on what was going on with HIM, as well as his acting – and so it was really important to counterbalance that with Sam Awareness. I know it’s so crazy to be talking like this about fictional characters but … that’s the beauty of this! Once i got to know what the fandom could be like – the way battle lines were drawn, etc., as though the brothers were in opposition and you had to pick sides – I was deteremined to not do that.
and Paula’s Sam focus was so important to deepening understanding.
“saying yes to things” Good for her. she touched so many people’s lives. and was an example of the gifts “fandom” can bring – if you do it right, if you lead with your love of the thing.
“I’ll miss our talks.” one of the greatest moments in the history of this site.
Sending my heart to Paula’s family and her son. She is gone way too soon.