So I dislike sharing pictures of myself but I shared this on Instagram and figured, oh well, what the hell. These have been dark days and I am doing what I can to not just keep my spirits up but to stay motivated and engaged. Last fall, I interviewed Jacob Elordi for a project I’ve been working on for what feels like an eternity (a full year at the end of this month. Not being coy: I’ll announce when THEY announce). His “people” set up the interview and it just so happened to coincide with a terrible week where I was going back and forth from the hospital on lunch breaks, getting up early and going before work, working at cafes so I could be closer to the hospital, and etc. I had zero bandwidth for anything else – writing, pleasure, relaxation, or … getting nervous about interviewing Elordi, one of the hottest new stars in the movie galaxy. I just had no time to think about it, or to even hype myself up. I was prepared for the interview. I knew exactly what I needed to cover, and definitely kept in mind not wasting his time. But on the day of the interview, I had to basically go to the hospital in the morning, race back to my brother’s to do the interview, and then head back to the hospital. I even considered finding an empty room IN the hospital to do my interview with Jacob, but I was too nervous about there being some last-minute problem with connectivity, or us being interrupted … So I left the hospital, raced back to the house, set myself up quickly, and signed on to Zoom with two minutes to spare.
Jacob signed on literally to the second of our meet-up time, which is hugely appreciated. (I’m a stickler for punctuality. It’s not about time. It’s about respect. Although on this particular day it WAS about time as well. I left the hospital for this. I needed to get back. He needed to show up on time. Valuing someone else’s time IS respect.) When I saw his face, I said, “Hi!” The first thing he said to me – literally the first thing – wasn’t even “Hi”. It was the following: “I just wanted you to know I read the tribute you wrote to Gena Rowlands and it was so good and I really needed it. She was my favorite.”
There was so much going on in my life and his comment was so unexpected I was totally not cool in response. “Wait – wow – thank you!”
I do not doubt his sincerity. I know his love of “old” movies. His favorite actor is John Garfield, okay? The man is connected to the continuum (and honestly I think it shows in his work). But the fact that he led with this … was so meaningful as a gesture. He had an awareness of the status difference between us (which is meaningless, but you know, it does exist as a “thing”) and so he said that, and it pulled us on to the same level. He is famous, yes, but he was letting me know, he looked me up. I did my homework on him, and he was letting me know he did HIS homework on me. He actually read something I wrote to get an idea of who he would be meeting that day.
It was so thoughtful! I was instantly comfortable (I consider this to be what “good manners” are all about: making other people feel more comfortable), and we started talking about not his career, but about Gena Rowlands! He was so kind, so smart, so self-deprecating too – so charming. Our conversation was excellent: my questions ranged from the practical, to establish a timeline, to the philosophical (“how do you think about such-and-such and what does it mean?”), and he was forthcoming, funny, and unbelievably open. Vulnerable, too. He told me all about his dog. “She is so pure in how she loves.” Come on. We went fifteen minutes over our allotted time!
I am not ashamed to say I am now a fan for life. I have admired his work already and I find it very promising (particularly Saltburn). Even more than his work, I find his choices promising, the projects he signs on for. His choices show a real interest in potential career longevity. He wants to grow as an actor, he wants to challenge himself. It would be very easy to coast. But he’s going bold. Saltburn is bold. Priscilla is bold, especially since Austin Butler swept the world the year before playing the same “role”. Oh Canada was bold! We like to see such boldness. We like to see a young heartthrob make challenging and serious choices. It bodes well. It means he’s not playing it safe. It means he gets what he wants to do. He’s focused on the right thing. You may be launched into fame due to your good looks and your participation in a hot new show, and new fans might make sexy slo-mo gifs of your every waking moment.
All good! Be hot and young and famous and enjoy it! But it’s what you DO with your brand new fame – what you choose to do NEXT – that is so important. He’s the real deal. “I just wanted you to know I read the piece you wrote on Gena Rowlands …”
Talking about Gena Rowlands crosses all cultural / generational lines. Jacob’s “gesture” made talking to him not a big deal at all. Because he started with that compliment, it just felt like a conversation, not an interview. Hierarchy and status were abolished.
Then we said goodbye, and thanked each other, and then I signed off and drove back to the hospital.
It was such a difficult position that you were in, and he didn’t know that, but he went right for the win by reading your work and appreciating its excellence, sharing a passion for Gena Rowlands with you, you were completely together in that initial moment, and I’m so impressed, as you said, with anyone (famous or not) who is respectful, on time, understands how to make the other person comfortable. This is gold level stardom behavior, I’m thinking, Carol Burnett and Mary Tyler Moore would be as respectful, and maybe Betty White! But I digress. My point is that respectful behavior is a blessing, a continuing loving gesture to the world, and every once in a while, it comes together when the recipient is having an extraordinarily difficult time. It is in that moment when the respect and consideration can be felt at such a deep level that it simply shifts the emotional tenor of the experience being contended with in that moment. It’s a big deal. I will love Jacob forever now, because he was so kind. Love you, XOXO Stevie
// This is gold level stardom behavior /
Right? No amount of “media training” can give someone that kind of fluid sense of how to connect with other people in what is, essentially, an artificial situation.
Jacob Elordi and Betty White! A pairing made in heaven.
// it simply shifts the emotional tenor of the experience being contended with in that moment. It’s a big deal. //
Yes! I would have appreciated it even on a normal day but on THAT day it meant so much. Kindness and respectful – and it mattered, even though he of course had no idea what was going on behind the scenes. It was genuine, his behavior. So impressed and I wish him all the best and now am totally invested in his journey lol
I love it when I hear about lucky (and, yes, talented/hot/young…but there are lots of talented/hot/young artists waiting tables and biding their time) people who are also decent people! Thanks for sharing this: you hear so many stories about privileged folks who are also jerks, or just out of touch.
Hope the days get a little lighter soon!
Reba – I love hearing about things too and it was amazing to be on the other side of that and experiencing it myself. To be fair, I haven’t interviewed many jerks – I haven’t been mistreated in my interactions with famous people – Martin Scorsese was incredible!! etc. – but it is so appreciated, just being respectful and thoughtful in what is a fake situation, where the power dynamic is weird. They have to be there, they have to do this, it’s an obligation, but to respect the other person’s time is so meaningful.
It’s like Ron Eldard being so mortified that he missed my initial message to him – he basically didn’t respond to my request – and so he was mortified at the thought that I was out there cursing his name: “You must have thought I was such a dick! I am so sorry!”
Caring about what someone thinks about you and showing up with your best self really matters!!
and thank you!!
How lovely! But have you ever thought he might have been intimidated by YOU, and wanted to also make sure you didn’t think he was just a pretty boy? haha
Isn’t curiosity also the mark of a good actor? How beautiful that you connected over the shared love for Rowlands, and that it came as a balm at a really difficult time.
//Not being coy: I’ll announce when THEY announce//
It’s so hard not to pester you to know more. Could THEY hurry up? lol
someone else said a similar thing to me! I think maybe he definitely wanted to show up as his best self for this, considering the project – and maybe once he looked me up he realized I wasn’t some Access Hollywood red carpet person. I also just think he’s a nice person – and definitely curious!
// Could THEY hurry up? // lol still so much work to do so not TOO soon, please!
Between this and the Chicago re-haunting I am loving reading about your recent wins! It is so perilous being a public figure and having innate good form must serve you so well.
I am with Lyrie. I want you to have all the time in the world to complete your Task but I’m dying with curiosity…
Jessie – it’s hard to know what to share! I had to sign an NDA, just to give you an idea! It’s kind of cool to be at my advanced age and doing shit I’ve never done before, facing brand new challenges and having to do things for the first time. I feel like I always had this fantasy of being older and that I would be calmly serene about things and would have left insecurities behind … what a laugh. Definitely not the most ideal year to do all these new hard things but there’s probably no such thing as an ideal year.
Looking forward to being DONE. and yes to have it go out into the world!