… having a great girlfriend email you, urgently, and say: “Do you know the tune to the line ‘all our sins and griefs to bear’ from the song ‘What a friend we have in Jesus’?” and not question why she needs to know. So you email her back instantly. “Yes. I know that line.” Her email comes back immediately. “Could you please sing it into my answering machine? I have an audition in an hour and I need to know the tune to that particular line.” So … knowing that your friend is standing right by the phone, you pick up your cell phone, regardless of your surroundings, and you sing “What a Friend We Have In Jesus” directly into her answering machine. Of course, because of the absurdity of it, and because you cannot get the image out of your mind of your friend standing right there, you burst out laughing a couple of times during the song and have to start again. Finally, “all our sins and griefs to bear” is safely on her answering machine, without any guffawing interruptions of laughter, and you can stop singing hymns into your cell phone in a fluorescent-lit public space.
I have GOT to hear that message. My friend just emailed me quickly and said, “It was so hard not to pick up. That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my life.”
Everybody start posting requests for songs they want Sheila to sing into their answering machines. I personally would like to hear an affected rendition of “The Lollipop Guild.” Thanks.
Sheila,
That’s hysterical. But…
I’m having trouble with the tune to an old Zappa song. if i give you my number, can you sing it into my voice mail? I promise it won’t wind up all over the Internet, in various podcasts, etc. I promise. Swear.
Achy Breaky Heart, please.
Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, if you’d be so kind.
“Freebird! Do Freebird!”
Sheila..i think this is the beginning of your long-delayed cabaret career..take suggestions from ur readers and put together a show…my pick? Jordan River..of course!
Jordan Ri-iver
CHILLY and cold …
(member how Jackie used to make her voice growl on “chilly”? So much fun.)
next time we are all together..you must sing it…at the top of your lungs…like you need it to live!!!
On my 30th birthday, a friend of mine called my answering machine and sang “I’m So Glad I’m Not Young Anymore” with the French accent and everything. Just like Maurice Chevalier. I was in tears.
Ohhh, I love that!
I would like any song by the Oompa Loompas, with a Brittany twist on it. You know, all sexy and gyrating and whatnot. I know how you feel about those little guys.