Yet another manic high school girl entry. This is during my junior year, first quarter, and I was wildly in love (in a completely unrequited way) with a guy in my French class who was a senior. It is a tragic tale, but I didn’t know how it would end at the time of this entry.
NOVEMBER
2 days after the dance — 2 days before my birthday!
I got on the Honor Roll! YAY! Dave got High Honors. [Ed: Ah, and here it is. Not taking the proper time to revel in my own accomplishment … before comparing it to his – which seems far superior to me. Hmmmm. Get over that one quick, Sheil-babe.] Diary – how does he do it all? Student Council, Band, Stage Band – and he’s not just a sax player – he is a great sax player. [Ed: I could barely type that just now without flying apart in embarrassment. Visions of “St. Elmo’s Fire” dance in my head.] He is in AP English, Physics, probably all the top courses. [Sheila: STOP DOING THAT. You are an awesome girl yourself, with a ton of interests and extra-curricular activities. KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF.] I don’t know how people like that do it! [Ed: Ehm, same way you do? Hard work? Sacrifice? Commitment?]
By the way – I haven’t stopped thinking about him for a minute. [Really, Sheila. I find that hard to believe.]
Yesterday after the football game (we lost), we drove up to Wellesley for dinner at Mama’s. I brought books and stories for the ride – but all I did was stare out the window and think of Dave! Does he think of me? Or is he so nice to everyone? I wonder what’s going to happen on Monday. I hope he doesn’t never talk to me again. [Huh? Double negative?] I want the friendship to keep growing.
You know what Kate said on Wednesday? I was a wreck about Dave. She, as she put on makeup, said, “Sheila — honestly — as an outsider — I can see it. There is potential there.” [Not to open up old wounds, but I STILL maintain that Kate was right!!] J. says it too. She says, “When I see you two talk, I can see it! I really can.” I just sit there: “Where? Where do you see it?” Because we just talk — I mean — is there something more there? J. says, “Well, since it’s happening to you, I suppose you can’t see it. I mean, they do say that Love is blind.”
I’m having Chris F. memories after reading that…
Bets – haha! He was so nice, wasn’t he …
Your teenage diary was much like mine, and I, too, want to “fly apart in embarrassment” when I read my own. But I’ve recently started reading (or “obsessing over” as my threatening-to-jump-ship readers might say) Sylvia Plath’s journals and you know what? Hers were just as exasperatingly boy-focused.
Sure, there was genius insterspersed amongst the “does he like me” bits. Amazing genius and brutally honest self-awareness.
But lots of boy-craziness, too. We’re in good company.
Dang, I wish a girl in HS had “Davesque” type thoughts about me!…
Now that I think about it, I can think of two girls that might have written similar things about me (except for the sax part, well the entire band part in general), but I was too stupid to notice and too busy going after the girls in the “IN” crowd.
JFH: I’m sure there were plenty of girls secretly swooning about you!
The thought that something might actually HAPPEN with Dave wasn’t as important to me. I slow-danced with him once, and almost had a heart attack. It was the PINING for him that made up the entirety of the experience.
haha
I often wonder what would happen if Dave came across himself in various Diary Fridays … I am sure he had no idea the depth of my love and admiration for him.
I just got some old boxes from my folks’ house … and was reading through journal entries the other night. I had many of the same thoughts … wow did I have a distorted perception back then. Absolutely no hint of wonderful in myself.
“absolutely no hint of wonderful in myself”
Perfectly said LCN. I didnt realize i was anything approaching popular in school until 20 years later..what a waste of time. I’ve worked with teenagers for many years and it’s my goal to always show them the wonderful in them. Thank you Sheila for reminding us what that time feels like.
Gonna be your man in motion
All I need’s a pair of wheels.
Oh God, just shoot me already.
Love your blog, Sheila, and share lots of your obsessions, mad and otherwise.