The Magnificent Ambersons: A Speculation

This piece, by Doug Dibbern, is an absolute must-read.

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3 Responses to The Magnificent Ambersons: A Speculation

  1. Charles J. Sperling says:

    Perhaps it’s because Orson Welles played both Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty, but I couldn’t help thinking of the battered tin dispatch-box at Cox & Co., Charing Cross where John* H. Watson, M.D., Late Indian Army** kept the notes of his exploits with the Great Detective, including the ones merely mentioned in the fifty-six short stories and four brief novels. Thus, here’s a poem from Jay Finley Christ:

    “The Old Tin Box”

    In the vaults of Box was an old tin box
    With Watson’s name on its lid.
    What wouldn’t we pay for that box today?
    And the secret notes there hid?

    Old Russian dame, Ricoletti the lame,
    The famous aluminum crutch;
    For Alicia, the cutter, the parsley in butter,
    What would you give for such?

    Story of Randall, the Darling scandal,
    The coptic patriarchs.
    The opal tiara, the Addleton barrow —
    Dollars? or francs? or marks?

    The tale of the pinch of Victor Lynch,
    The furniture warehouse mob,
    The case at the Hague, the murder at Prague
    The powderless Margate job.

    The giant rat, the cardinal’s hat,
    The Patersons (first name Grice),
    The cormorant’s bill, the Hammerford will —
    We’d take ’em at any price.

    The Phillimore fella who sought an umbrella,
    The steamer Friesland (Dutch);
    For Col. Carruthers or Atkinson brothers
    One never could give too much.

    The Vatican case and its cameo face,
    The slitering, unknown worm,
    The Abergavenny were none too many —
    Where is this Cox’s firm?

    Oh, wonderful box in the vaults of Cox!
    You come with a touch of salt!
    But I offer two blocks of the choicest stocks
    For the treasure of Cox’s vault.

    Akira Kurosawa made sixteen movies with Toshiro Mifune. I’ve seen all but “I Live in Fear.” Now I’m not sure whether I should! Completing any cinematic corpus diminishes me, for I am involved in Moviekind/Therefore, send not for whom the ticket-seller bills…

    * Watson’s first name is given in *A Study in Scarlet,* *His Last Bow* and *The Problem of Thor Bridge” as John. In “The Man with the Twisted Lip,” his wife asks a visitor whether she would prefer that “James” was sent to bed. After determining how many children had Lady Macbeth, I shall tally how many wives and wounds Watson had.

    ** Watson is “Late of the Army Medical Department” in *A Study in Scarlet* and “Late Indian Army” in “Thor Bridge.”

  2. george says:

    There’s a movie in Dibbern‘s hopeful speculations.

    Theories abound as to the whereabouts of the Brazilian print, the Dade County Police Station being just one. Welles aficianados the world over contrive theories. A cult grows, divining Welles’ clues as to the whereabouts of the print hidden in The Chimes At Midnight, Mr. Arkadin and Fake. A mercenary movie mogul, long on the trail vies with a French cineaste from the Cinematheque Francaise – the hero – for the print. International Hotspots! Intrigue! Triple Crosses!

    There’s more but you get the idea.

  3. sheila says:

    George – I know, it’s kind of fun – a holy grail!! Dibbern links to that big Vanity Fair piece a couple years back (it’s in the comments section at that link) which details all of those things you mention, I’m sure you’ve read it. It may be a hopeless case, but that’s what I think is so brilliant and moving about Dibbern’s piece: it is almost like it is THE definition of being in love with movies. The movies you HAVEN’T seen growing as myths/legends in your own mind.

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