… have you noticed how Tom Cruise refers to the woman we all knew as KATIE Holmes, as “Kate”? (Well, besides his constant refrain of “magnificent woman”, “magnificent woman”, “magnificent woman”.) From the beginning, he re-christened her as “Kate”. It stood out for me, and always has (in the weeks and WEEKS of time that I have been obsessing about this): it seemed important to him that she was Kate and not Katie. I have spent way too much time wondering why this might be.
My friend Mitchell is always annoyed when people shorten his name to “Mitch”, and they usually do it instantly upon meeting him. Nothing wrong with the name “Mitch”, but he doesn’t go by “Mitch”, he goes by “Mitchell”.
“Hi, my name is Mitchell.” He holds out his hand.
Person shakes hand, says, “Hi, Mitch, nice to meet you.”
I’ve been there when this happens. It happens all the time. Mitchell doesn’t make a big deal out of it or anything … but it sure is an interesting phenomenon. Like: I have told you, in the way I introduce myself, how I refer to myself. I have called myself “Mitchell”. And immediately, you ignore that, and give me a nickname? Why??
Mitchell believes (and I agree with him) that because he is gay – those who meet him sometimes have the desire to “butch him up” (Mitchell’s words). They are friendly, nice, they shake hands … it’s not a hostile moment or anything like that … but they do not call him “Mitchell”. They choose the “butcher” Mitch.
I don’t really have a name that can be shortened, although Mitchell’s mother always did call me, with great affection, “She”. Mitchell’s entire family picked up on that, and I actually loved it. I’d see Mitchell’s brother after a long time of separation – we would hug – and he would say, “Hi, She!!”
I would walk into Mitchell’s house, and be greeted with happy cries of, “It’s She!” “She’s here!” “Hi, She!”
But sometimes … when people decide to shorten your name on their own … it’s a matter of aggression (in a very passive sense, of course) and control.
“Hi, my name is David.”
“Hey, Dave, what’s up? Nice to meet you.”
“Uhm … I said my name was DAVID.”
It’s a strange thing, and very common to those who have names that can be shortened.
But here’s Tom Cruise, talking about Kate this, and Kate that … and it’s weird to me. So you not only indoctrinate her into your Xenu world, but you adjust her name as well? She’s KATIE, bub. I mean, I know she’s not a ginormous star (and thanks to you, perhaps now she never will be) … She’s not a household name like, say, Lindsay Lohan is (ahem.)… but still: she’s been “Katie” since The Ice Storm, my friend. Why are you shortening her name? Are you trying to butch her up? haha No, but seriously: what’s up with that?
I am glad I am not the only one who has noticed this. Because, frankly, this is one of the most important issues of our day.
Check out this, from Fugging it up.
Favorite phrase? “spastic man-child fiance”
hahahahaha
This is She, signing off …
Maybe Tom’s trying (subconsciously perhaps) to make her seem older by calling her Kate instead of Katie? I tend to associate “Katie” with a younger person and “Kate” with a more mature one.
My given name is Erica, and it doesn’t readily lend itself to shorter nicknames. My mother calls me “Er” sometimes (first syllable thing again) but she is THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who is allowed to do that. Anyone else trying it gets “you can call me Erica or you can call me ricki.”
Yeah, right … Katie is a little girls’ name. “Kate” brings up pictures of, oh, you know – Kate Hepburn, stuff like that.
And immediate nicknames seem to be a form of unearned intimacy or something … maybe I’m too Victorian in my manners. (Maybe??) It just seems like if someone says, “Hi, my name is Leonard”, you shouldn’t come back and say, “Hey, Lenny, how are you?” unless you are a socially retarded idiot.
Mitch is “butch”-er?
Who knew?
mitch – hahaha Yup. It’s definitely butch-er. Not that Mitchell isn’t manly, or anything like that – He’s a total alpha, acutally – it’s just that people seem to need to deal with his gayness by shortening his name, to make it more manly.
Weird.
I grew up with a Mitchell who later started going by Mitch. It’s funny, but that’s how you can tell how long a person has known him; if he’s Mitchell, they’ve known him since childhood — if he’s Mitch, then it’s college or beyond.
I think that’s what Tom is doing to Katie. No longer is she Katie Holmes, Midwestern Catholic ingenue, she’s KATE, Scientology Beard.
I’ve always given pretty much everyone a nickname, I hand em out like Bluto did in Animal House. But just shortening someone’s given name is too easy, it won’t do. Sometimes you have to try two or three names before you come up with one that really tweaks the person…that’s always the one that I go with.
I’ve always gone by Tommy, because my father and I share the same first name. Different middle names, but same first.
So, he’s Tom. I’m Tommy. Thomas never felt right after I moved on, so I’ve just stuck with Tommy.
And me? I just call everybody “chief.” Saves time.
Also: Kinda surprised myself by telling myself to watch Oprah when I got word that they’re re-running the Tom Cruise episode this afternoon.
Never thought I’d make time to watch Oprah.
Thanks for the aggressive/passive comment. That may explain alot. People are forever calling me Mike after being introduced to me as Michael. I always assumed it was because I’m so overbearingly stuffy on the outside that people were just trying to commonize me.
Michael – Hm, that’s another interesting theory!! I think there might be something to that.
I totally hear you, “Mitch.” I don’t really like it when people call me Em. I don’t make a big deal of it, because most of the time they’re doing it endearingly. But nobody’s ever called me “Em” immediately after meeting me, and I think I would be kind of bothered if they did.
At least Tom is calling her by something close to her name. For a while I noticed she was always “that woman” or “this woman” when he talked about her. Not a person. An object. It was creepy.
I think people shorten names because it’s less formal. Calling someone Michael instead of Mike (when you first meet and don’t know preferences) gives the appearance of distance. I suspect this may be due to kids only referred to with their full name when they’ve done something naughty, instead of Mike or Mikey it’s “Michael Joseph get over here!”
Think about the difference between “Katie Holmes” and “Katherine Holmes”, or even “Thomas Cruise”. I agree with Ricki about the “Kate” age issue. All the Billys and Tommys I knew grew up to be Bill and Tom.
James Lileks wrote an essay about his name and how when he introduces himself as James, everyone comes back with Jim. He corrects them and says his name is James.
If shortening someone’s name means anything I think it means, “Nice to meet you, let’s not be formal.”
Well … but if someone says their name is “Mitchell”, then their name is “Mitchell”. Whether or not you think “Mitchell” is more formal than “Mitch” or not … it’s not your choice.
I may feel ridiculous calling someone a name like “Reginald” or “Thurston” or “Anastasia” … or another name that I may judge as “hoity-toity” … but if that’s their name, that’s their name.
If someone comes up to me and says, “My name is Rainbow Buzzerdoodle”, and that is really their name, I’m not going to come back and say, “Hey, Mary, nice to meet you” because I find their name to be silly.
And like I said earlier – I probably have a Victorian sense of what is good manners. You have to earn the right to be familiar with me. That’s all. You don’t GET to be familiar with me right away.
But again – that’s just me.
Actually, I have to be perfectly honest.
If someone literally came up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Rainbow Buzzerdoodle” I would probably shorten it to the slightly more palatable “Rainbow”. Even I have my limits.
“‘My name is Rainbow Buzzerdoodle’, and that is really their name…”
Because I can’t help it…
ERIC IDLE: Ah! Mr Luxury Yacht. Do sit down, please.
GRAHAM CHAPMAN: Ah, no, no. My name is spelt “Raymond Luxury Yacht” but it’s pronounced “Throatwobbler Mangrove.”
I want to be known as Rainbow Buzzerdoodle. That’s a great name! Maybe my unborn child should be named Rainbow Buzzerdoodle instead of Parker Grace. It’s got a ring to it, don’t you think?
Oh, and her father and I already refer to her by her nicknames: Z calls her “Parking Spaces.” I call her Parx. Somehow – and I’m going to chalk this up to some motherly superpower – I know that Parx suits her better than Parks. Of course Parker is good too.
I love the subject of names in general.
Katie, being the only “Katie” out there in celebrity-land, has a good thing going, and hopefully will not allow the T-man to make her into a Kate. Aside from not wanting to wade into Hepburn territory, there are a whole crop of young Kates: Cate Blanchett, Kate Hudson, Kate Winslett, Kate Beckinsale, Kate Bosworth. Ms. Holmes is the only Katie.
Nicknames are strange, though. When we were 8 years old, my friend Kenny and I balked at being called “Kenny and Stevie” (too sissy) and we insisted to all family members that from now on we were “Ken and Steve.” Said very seriously. We’d gently correct the offending family member or not respond when called by the the “baby” name. Sure enough, in a month or so, we had retrained our families and were Ken and Steve.
As it turned out, a whole bunch of 50’s parents had named their children Steve, so I was usually one of three or four Steves in each class. (Did mom carry a secret letch for Steve McQueen? Maybe.) That’s when I became Steve C.
As a gay child blessed with one of the classic fem attributes of a sibilant “s”, I hated my name. Doubly, because first I had to tell people I was “Thhhhhhhhhteve” and second because there was a silent “s” in the spelling of my last name: “ell, eye, ettthhhh.” “Eff?” “No, ETTTHHH!” “Eff like firetruck?” “No, ETTTHHH like THHHAAM!” “Fam?” etc.
I’m REALLY a Stephen but I associate being called that by my mother when she was about to lose her cool, as in, “What the HELL is this mess? Stephen! Get in here!” So I’ve been Steve since I was 10, except for a brief but embarrassing period during 8th grade when I was knoen as Moose (don’t ask).
Ever since college, virtually every one of my good friends finds something other than Steve to call me – the ever-popular Stevie, and then there’s Steveroo, Steverooie, Steverino, Steviepie, Stevie Weevie, Steven Sagal, Stevie C., and even Shhhhhhhteeve. Because these are all affectionately used, I don’t mind a bit. But I’m “Steve” when meeting new people.
I do sign birthday cards Stevie C., which is a throwback to when I was about six. I guess I’ve embraced my inner fairy and figure, what the hell, go with it.
I think it should be up to that person if they want their name shortened or not. it bugs me when adults who are not relatives call Calvin “Cal” and Natalie “Nat” when they are not introduced that way. Its not up them to create nicknames for a 12 and 9 year old.
Stevie – To me, you are SUCH a Stevie. And I don’t even know you. I love it.
And I’m sorry – but you cannot just throw out there that you were called “Moose” for a “brief but embarrassing period during 8th grade” and expect me to not ask: WHY???
Really, though: you don’t have to divulge. But just know that I HAD to ask.
RTG –
With a name like “Parx” she could be a hip-hop star. I know she’s gonna go to Yale and all that … but maybe she could be the latest hip-hop darling after her Ivy League education.
Her first album could be called “Parking Spaces”.
All kidding aside: I love the name Parker Grace.
I admit, it is kind of hip-hoppy. Somehow it just suits her though.
Oh and on the subject of Katie/Kate Holmes… since I share her name, the whole thing sounds weird in my ears.
I introduce myself as Cate to people. A few people take liberties to call me “Cathy”, which sends me into a tizzy. I’m not CATHY!
I’m CJ to a few close friends.
Z calls me Catie when he’s feeling very protective or sweet; when he says it, it’s an endearment. Now when other people call me Catie, I bristle. I like it to be exclusive to Z.
It bothers me when people spell it Kate, though I do forgive it if someone has never seen it written down before.
I guess it’s just easier to be known as RTG. : )
Okay, here’s the Moose story:
We moved over the summer between 7th and 8th grade to sunny Southern California. First day in P.E., standing outside on the basketball court, some supercute, super-popular kid (David Cassidy haircut, mkay?) enthusiastically calls out to me, “Hey, Moose!” and starts walking over, all smiles. Turns out he had mistaken me for someone else, so by the time he gets up to me, he realizes I’m not Moose. The experience of having the affection and acceptance of this cool guy suddenly ripped out from under me (all the span of about 30 seconds) made me say, “I’m Steve but you can call me Moose if you want.”
At which point he bellowed out “MOOOOOOSE!” and all the other kids laughed and started yelling “MOOOSE!” I turned beet red, but kept smiling in the grand playground tradition. Then onto the court lumbers Coach and it was time for calesthenics. Remember those? Jumping jacks, touch-your-toes, push ups, all to the count of “ONE, Two, Three, Four! TWO, Two, Three, Four!” So this kid has a funny idea and yells out, “One, Two, Three, MOOSE!” Ha ha, everyone laughs, including Coach, who’s happy that the boys are showing some enthusiasm for jumping jacks. Soon Coach himself is yelling out “MOOSE!” and pandemonium ensures.
For the rest of the school year it’s “One, Two, Three, MOOSE!” and I’m Moose, The Guy Who Tried to Fit In and Made an Ass of Himself.
Shudder.
Parx is better than Parker-Poo, which is what we call the little female Parker that goes to our church. :)
My brother’s middle name is Parker, after our family’s best friends’s last name. His first name is Robert, and he goes by Robbie (or Rob now that he’s a big college grad), but I always thought that he should go by Parker because when he becomes a Big Shot Attorney he could be “R. Parker T*****”, because as you know, ALL attorneys tend to go by their first initial and middle name. I think it’s a law.
(He was born in 1983 and I wanted to name him Joel after Tom’s character in Risky Business. See? I can stay on topic!)
Oh, Stevie, that story made me teary. Poor Moose.
(Oh, yeah, I thought you were a girl! My bad! My husband’s cousin named her daughter Stevie [after her dad Steve, not Stevie Nicks], so all Stevies seem to be female in my mind now. Anyhoo. Carry on.)
OH Stevie. Just thinking about that “grand playground tradition” gives me shivers.
No worries, Lisa – glad you know the truth now!
Red, yup, those playground pariah moments when scenes from Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” come flashing to mind…..I had a few of those. Luckily I was a quick-thinking, beefy kid and nobody ever came to blows with their contempt and disgust for me. I was “pantsed” a few times. Kind of a thrill, actually.
Plus there was my brilliance at Four Square :)
Man, it took YEARS for me to overcome “Jenny.” I even corrected teachers at school. Now I feel the overwhelming urge to smack people who insist on calling me Jenny.
BTW, I read the Fug website before yours, Red, and then immediately came here to read your take on it. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.
When I was a kid, there was a kid named Kevin. He was a little overweight. Back in fourth grade, we were playing baseball on a vacant lot, and Kevin was wearing a red shirt and red shorts. Another kid yells “He looks like a Radish”.
That name took off, and stuck to him so completely that by high school, teachers would not know who “Kevin” was; he was *always* “Radish” to *everyone*. In high school and college (we went to college together through sophomore year) teachers would know him as “radish”, and then read their class rosters and ask “Who the hell is Kevin W____?” It was that complete.
To this day – and we’re all 42 – everyone at his job (back in North Dakota) calls him “Radish”. Hardly anyone he lives or works around knows why; there are 15 peple in the world who know where it came from. And I think he’s always hated it.
And the best part of all? The kid who nicknamed him?
“Toad” Solien.
People like nicknames. I’m not sure when people use “Mitch” they want to butch him up. I go by Mike. I despise Michael. Still some people like to use it, despite, my NEVER EVER EVER EVER introducing myself as MICHAEL. “Michael” not only reminds me of getting in trouble, but it was always used by certain girls I dated in high school, the kind of girl who seems to be barely tolerating the high school antics of all around her while she can’t wait to skip town, go to college and be more of a grown up. The type of girl who wanted to distinguish herself by calling me by a name no one else did. You know this type? I know a lot of Daves who for some reason the only person who calls them David are their girlfriend or wives. Ick.
Well I’ve probably cursed my kids forever with the following names:
Davis, not David not Dave, but Davis
Anna Kate, not Anna, not Ann, but Anna Kate
In my opinion, people who shorten names when they first meet people are the same ones that don’t understand why I get upset when they misspell my last name… I guess it’s really not their fault; they probably have names that are rarely misspelled and have first names that either have already been shortened since they were very young or have one syllable given names.
cousin mike:
I have memories of your father’s voice saying, “Michael” at various family gatherings … in that unmistakable tone … when we all would be getting into trouble.
(Uhm … member Cousin Tim’s rap about this?? hahahaha)
“MICHAEL! PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN!”
And yes – I do know the type of chick you describe. “Ooh, I call him by THIS name … because I am closer to him than anyone else … and that means I basically OWN HIM…”
Bah. Get a life, woman.
No one person was yelled at more ever at family gatherings than me. Ever!
Of course, no one else put their older brother in a dryer and turned it on. That’s right, the younger brother put the older borther in the dryer at Mummy Gina’s…
MICHAEL!!!!!
hahahahahahaha
I remember some Easter at Mummy Gina’s, and I was wearing a new dress, and I felt really pretty and grown-up, and we all went out into the backyard to play … and I fell and got a huge bloody cut on my knee.
You raced over to me, and took a close-up photo of my wound. You were like a cold-eyed journalist in war-torn Bosnia, only you were 9 years old. I still have the picture of my bloody Easter-morning knee.
MICHAEL.
no way.
My mother’s family for years has called me “Lo”. Since I was very young, I think it’s campy, but it’s so ingrained that I just let it be, and enjoy it’s nostalgia. A few “outsiders” have called me that, and it pissed me off. Some have tried calling me Laurie/Lori. I don’t entirely mind, but I still much prefer being called Laura. Of course my grandmother still calls me by my first and last name, which is cute. Whenever Mom used to say it, I ran in fear.
I do agree, call people by their proper names if introduced. My friend Andrew goes only by Andrew, and I wouldn’t dream of calling him Andy.
I should find that photo and post it here.
“…ALL attorneys tend to go by their first initial and middle name.”
When I was a kid, I went through a period of half-wishing I had a different name. The obvious choice is to use the first initial and middle name. Now, I have two middle names, and the one that I thought about using was “Lee”, my first middle name. After thinking about the resulting “D. Lee J. Sundseth”, I decided that my given name was good enough. (The surprising thing is that I didn’t even have to be ridiculed to come to this decision. I could see how silly it was on my own.) I suppose it would have been memorable, though.
When we picked my son’s name (he also has two middle names), we ordered them with the less quirky name second, to reduce the problem. Of course, this probably means that he’ll want to use the first, but we can only do what we can.
People who call me “Pat” are quickly admonished.
My mother was named after my grandmother’s dear sister Hattie (short for Henrietta, but nobody called her that). So my mother’s name was Henrietta Brisk. No middle name. She was a tiny little thing, and one of the relatives said, “She’s as sweet as a sugar cookie!” And after that, everyone called her Cookie. Now, this was 70 years ago, but even then, Cookie was considered a stripper name (or worse). My mother hated it from the start, and when she was two years old, would tell everyone, “My name is Hemminitta Bix!” Everyone would laugh and go right on calling her Cookie. When Aunt Hattie died at a sadly young age, nobody could ever bring themselves to call Cookie by that name.
On her 18th Birthday, Cookie changed her name to Carol Henrietta. Carol, because is was “close” to Cookie, and because her birthday was around Christmas (Christmas Carol). My mother was a damned persuasive person, maybe the most persuasive I’ve ever known, and she tried to get people to call her Carol, but as far as I know, nobody ever called her anything but Cookie.
I also had a Great Aunt Tootsie. Sounds like I was brought up in burlesque, doesn’t it?
stevie:
hahahaha Tootsie and Cookie!!
“I know a lot of Daves who for some reason the only person who calls them David are their girlfriend or wives.”
I think that might be an automatic disqualifier right there, or at least close. The only people who call me “David” are my parents, and generally only in anger.
“…ALL attorneys tend to go by their first initial and middle name.”
Oh for the love of God, please, no! I’ll definitely take “David” over THAT!
wow..my name came up a lot here…Cousin Mike, I arrived at the theory about getting “butched up”..because only over-testosteroned men and very masculine women call me Mitch upon meeting me..i dont hate it..its just an intersting phenomenon. I was actaully called Mit for my entire pre-adolescence. I think i hated my name so much growing up…the only Mitchell in a sea of Vinnies and Tonys and Dominics…that now that ive learned to love it..i ant people to use it..at least at first. Sheil(“Don’t call me Sheil!)…my mother still calls u she!!! You haent seen her in 10 years but u are still She!
Mit!! That’s right!
I miss you, MJF!
I call you Sheil all the time. I apologize. Now I will bloody your knee and take a picture.
Mitchell:
How about becoming
“Hell?”
When I meet you, if my testosterone is really pumping and some overly masucline women are nearby, I might be tempted to call you this. My apologies in advance!
Mit is the governor of Mass. Nicely done.
Cousin Mike…my mother and my Mongolian circus coach both call me Bitchell…so hell is a step up!!!
dammit, I want a Mongolian circus coach.
you can share mine!!! His name is Nyangar…but we call him Batt (the “a” sounds like “ah”).