And by “love” I can mean two things:
1. Genuine love and affection
2. Or the gleeful snarky schaudenfraude brand of love. By that I mean: MEAN love.
So here we go:
1. I find myself loving this season of The Real World. The one in Austin. My love grew slowly … and it started out with a lot of shame mixed in … like: “Oh my God, I am actually aware when the show is on … and I am counting the minutes until it starts” … but now the shame is gone, and I am left with pure love and affection. Granted, my love for that show peaked years and years ago, with the San Francisco cast (my friend Mitchell and I still discuss those people as though we knew them personally. “God, I love Judd.” “You know who was great, actually? Rachel … and how she bonded with Pedro …” Etc.) So no. The Real World has definitely gone down the slippy-slope since then — culminating in the Las Vegas season, when everyone appeared to just be alcoholic ho-bags and jag-offs. There was a naked lesbianic hot tub in the first show of the season. Uhm … what “real world” would that be? The show always attracted exhibitionists – of course it did – but when the entire form of the show is no longer normal interactions but people “pushing it for the camera”, it gets a bit boring. Poor Charelle – or whatever her name was. What was her name? That sadly unattractive I-will-make-out-with-girls-because-it-turns-men-on girl.
I have gotten sucked into the Austin season, and I am strangely invested in a couple of these people. I started out thinking that Melinda was just a sad desperate slut … but now I have another theory, which I will not bore with you at this moment in time. I like Nehemiah and I wish him well. Johnanna needs an intervention. Seriously. Lacey is weirdly cool, even though she’s kind of superior and over-it. I like her because she does her own thing. She’s a virgin, she doesn’t drink, she has a serious boyfriend back home … she’s not interested in getting drunk and hooking up with people like the rest of the people in the house … so she doesn’t. She’s impervious to peer pressure. And then there is Danny. Of the broken-eyeball fame. I love Danny and his Boston accent. I fear for his broken eyeball and crushed skull. I am glad that they reconstructed his poor collapsed face, because he is a cutie. He has gotten sucked into a heavy duty thing with Melinda … and he needs to break free. As of now, he’s being a prick about it, very ungraceful (and of course – the second she takes the hint and backs off, he’s all over her again. Come on, Danny. Knock that shite off) … but it will be interesting to see how it unfolds.
Obviously I need to talk about this in WAY more depth.
People I need to psychoanlayze, and commit paragraphs and paragraphs of text to:
Melinda and Wes.
Wes is a fascinating case study. I don’t even know where to start. How can one be so completely unaware of how one comes across? To me, that connotes a deeply deeply stupid person. You know those people who honestly believe that they are fooling everyone in the room – who project out a persona, and really think that we’ll all buy it? They honestly believe that we think they’re hot shit, or cool – or whatever it is… Like when Wes went in to “comfort” Johanna in her bed, and he was wearing dark sunglasses. Dude. Please. That was SO for the cameras, and he honestly believed that we, back home, would be like: “Wow. Wes is so cool. So hip. Wearing sunglasses in the house.” Wes walks around with invisible movie cameras following him around (in addition to the real camera crew following him) – and is starring in his own movie. Only he thinks that he’s, like, Russell Crowe … when in actuality … he is Patrick Dempsey.
I can already feel how much I need to talk about this.
I also feel like I might need to do a post about how just the thought of Patrick Dempsey puts me into a rage.
Get ready for some major Real World posts. I have got to get this out of my system.
2. I love the whole “fraud” thing of Renee and Kenny (aka The Pucker-faced Inchworm and The I’m-not-a-real-cowboy-but-I-am-one-hell-of-a-stud) . Just goes to show you that bonding with someone at a tsunami benefit does not til-death-do-us-part make.
3. On the flipside, I love Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. This is the genuine kind of love. I get the feeling that there’s something quite substantial going on between the two of them, and they truly seem to enjoy one another. The body language says it all to me. I also just kind of have always been a “fan” of hers – but I’m not sure how else to say it. I don’t think she’s a very good actress, although do not even try to tell me she’s bad in GI Jane, because I LOVE that movie. It is the guiltiest of guilty pleasures – I have to have seen it 20 times. Anyway. It’s not really her acting … I guess it’s her perseverence. She just kept sticking with it. I remember her as Jackie Templeton (on “my” soap, General Hospital) – back before she became famous. And … she’s one of those actresses who is a savvy businesswoman, who was able to cultivate deals for herself unprecedented in the business – at one point she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood – and yet somehow, even with her stardom – she keeps her private life private. She doesn’t really court the prying eyes. There’s a wall there. After her divorce from Willis, she disappeared to raise her daughters. She lives in Idaho. Then – suddenly – she was back. And I don’t know. I just love her and Ashton together. I think they’re a great couple, and every photo I see of them, they’ve got this glow about them. Like this one. Compare to the body language in this photo. Ew.
So congrats to Ashton and Demi!
How much more trivial can you get here???
I’ll think of some more later.
Oh, and on a final note, here is something Mitchell said (one of my best friends), after the birth of Rumer (Bruce and Demi’s daughter):
“Yes. They have named their child Rumer. Their next child will be named Flat-Out Gossip, and their final child will be named Bold-Faced Lie.”
Okay, you KNOW I am sitting here waiting in giddy anticipation for the rest of your Real World posts, right?
In the meantime, I’m chiming in:
At first I thought Danny was a really sweet, nice guy but his behavior lately is making me want to bash in his other eyeball.
I’ve also done a complete about-face with my opinion of Melinda. Danny is totally dicking her around and I’m glad she’s calling him on it.
I don’t know what Johanna needs to take care of first — her drinking problem or those teeth.
I can’t make up my mind about Nehemiah. He’s okay sometimes and then others, I want to throttle him.
Sometimes I admire Lacey but I mostly want to punch her in that self-righteous mug of hers. Oh and she too needs her grill fixed. Perhaps she and Johanna can visit an orthodontist together.
Rachel, the ex Army chick is a bit of a mess but I like her. Well, today I do. She’s forever on the verge of being loathsome.
Wes is digusting. I won’t even get into his self-esteem issues because I’d be here all day. Instead, I must focus on that red flaky shit gathered around his mouth. Vitamin deficient much, Wes? It disgusts me to no end.
Um, I’m stopping now…
“making me want to bash in his other eyeball”
HAHAHAHAHA
Oh man … can’t stop laughing …
“She’s forever on the verge of being loathsome”
yeah – I like her too, though, but I know what you mean.
Yes, Danny is behaving horribly right now. however, I guess I can see where he’s coming from – it’s not like trying to break up with a chick where you get to go home at the end of the day – Those two hooked up within 2 days of the show starting, and immediately it became heavy-duty relationship-y stuff. So now he’s realizing how much he’s missed … (along with the broken eyeball debacle, and the loss of his parent) – and is lashing out at her. She trapped him, no doubt about it.
But … I just find her so interesting.
I want to write a psychological dissertation on the Melinda character.
I think they’re both fools. The two of them were throwing around the “L word by the end of the second episode. She’s clearly into serial monogamy and he’s… well, he just seems clueless and in over his head. At first I found that endearing and sympathetic about him but it bothers me to see him complaining about being Melinda’s “bitch” to the other guys and then writing her mushy notes on the side. He’s all sorts of inconsistent and I’m finding it hard to excuse him for it.
You know, because Danny cares what I think…
I’ve grown so tired of the in-house romances. Every season we have to watch people hook up, squabble, make up, fight violently, break up, get jealous, play games with each other, confess their undying love… and then retract it a few months later when they’re whoring around with a bunch of different cast members on the RW/Road Rules Challenge.
And while I’m on my scary soap box, I wish they would stop giving the cast jobs each season. It’s so booooring. I wish they’d devote more time to gossip, ganging up on one cast member and in-fighting. Now that’s the money shot!
I love talking about this so seriously. It is very very important to me to be able to do so.
Yeah, I hate the “jobs” too.
Also, is it me – or do they never leave the house except at night???
Like, guys – there’s a ton going on in Houston, it’s a huge city … do they ever, oh – you know – go to the park, play Frisbee, whatEVER – anything!!
I mean, I know they’re young so they’re all into partying – but … Dude. They never leave the damn house! Except for that one road trip they took to the weird ranch with the cowboy whose spurs “jingle jangle jingle”.
Maybe I’m just dense but I had no idea that jingling jangling spurs were representative of a cowboy’s relationship status. None whatsoever.
Oh and some vacation that was! The head dude at the dude ranch made them rake shit! See, I don’t need to pay good money to deal with crap when I can step in it for free right at home.
And you’re right!! All they do is go out at night. Daylight hours are spent indoors slacking and splashing around in the small pool.
In addition to my diagnosis that Melinda is a serial monogamist, I also believe that she seems to be suffering from depression judging by the amount of daytime sleeping she does.
I think they all may be suffering from some vague form of clinical depression.
I MUST hear your thoughts on Patrick Dempsey. Right away.
I once discovered–with some random guy at a bar, who started talking to me about bad movies–that I could name an alarming fraction of PD’s oeuvre.
Anne – I need to gear up for it. Seriously, he makes me too angry.
I know that that is so ABSURD!!!
When I heard that he was playing Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment – I seriously thought I might have to punch a wall.
Wait.
What?
You don’t like Patrick Dempsey?! ::sob:: Oh, the humanity! I’m crushed.
Lisa – I am so sorry. Please don’t think it’s you.
There is no reason why the mere thought of Patrick Dempsey puts me into a rage. Maybe he jilted me in a former life or something. It’s strange. There’s no explanation for it.
I was a little worried, that you hadn’t posted about scrunchy Appledoll & the Hat yet, thank you for setting things right.
‘Only he thinks that he’s, like, Russell Crowe … when in actuality … he is Patrick Dempsey.’
-snicker-
okay..first of all…what play are u in????? secondly…im just getting into the real world in Austin…i miss watching with you!!!!!!!..next..i told maria that the renee/kenny thing was a sham when it happened because he was threatened with being outed and then lo and behold… a marrigae to the sour-faced dish rag!!!(although i dont hate her like you and Alex do) and finally (for now)…i have developed a crush on PD from his role on Grey’s Anatomy, which i love..i’m ashamed but oddly proud as well..is that possible?…at least my Scott Baio thing has not resurfaced!!! Although Willie Ames on Celebrity Fatsos(or whatever its called) was wildly satisfying..moral:find Jesus=massive weight gain????
You know what’s weird? Last night on Grey’s Anatomy, Patrick Dempsey and and the girl playing his (ex?)wife were talking and she goes, “Your hair is getting long. I like it. Verrry Russell Crowe. You know I like Russell Crowe.” AH! Weird!
SNORTING WITH LAUGHTER about yoru comments about wes…”a deeply stupid person.” HAHAHA. so true, so true. i don’t really understand why he was cast. he’s boring and like anyone.
love danny. love nehemiah. love lacey. melinda showing some depth i didn’t knwo she had. i love looking at johanna. i think she is so beautiful. a huge drunk, yes, but gorgeous. wes is retarded. and rachel–kinda bugs me. we KNOW you were a nurse in iraq. am i unfeeling? YES. a big YES. but like–she hasn’t discussed any other part of her life yet.
already can’t wait til tuesday typing about this.
What was up with Rachel’s colossal flip out a couple of weeks back? Nehemiah was goofing on her and she just WENT OFF like nobody’s business. I’m not going to lie to you… I was a little frightened for the safety of the roommates. I thought girlfriend was going to make the rounds with a cleaver in the middle of the night.
I find one of Johanna’s hairdos rather alarming. She styles it in such a way that it looks like a square box sitting on top of her head. When she does a Confessional, words are coming out of her mouth that I assume make sense and give her some depth and perspective but I can’t focus on what she’s saying. The hair, it distracts me.
On Pucker Face and Kenny Closet: I love the statement she issued that her filing the annulment under terms of “fraud” was not a “reflection on Kenny’s character, it’s just a legal term.”
In what sense of the legal definition of the word “fraud” would its use not be a reflection on a person’s character? Is that like saying charging Susan Atkins with murder doesn’t mean she’s the kind of bad person that kills people or anything. It’s just a a legal term.
i need to know how kenny and mush-mouth even knew each other…i mean there has to be astory there???
Oh, come on – Demi Moore was amazing in Blame it on Rio. I mean that line she had where… um… what was that movie about again?
mitchell – Kenny and Mush-Mouth met in December at a benefit for the tsunami. It was true love. Except with a little bit of fraud mixed in, apparently.
mitchell – shaking with laughter about your willie ames experience being “wildly satisfying”. hahahahaha
Wasn’t willie ames also in your favorite show ever, Charles in Charge??
curly – yes, Rachel flipped out. And sorry to be cynical but when she was writhing about in the bed afterwards, weeping and shouting about wanting to kill Nehemiah, did you notice there were no tears in her eyes?
Oh, Mitchell! I KNEW it would be you to vindicate me!!! I love “Grey’s Anatomy” too! And I also find P.Dempsey attractive in the, “Oh, my, he is the most popular boy in school that EVERYONE has a crush on but he still makes my hear skip a beat every time I look at him” kind of way. I wish I DIDN’T like him, but dammit, I DO!!
I meant “heart”, not “hear”. haahaa hahahahahah!!
Beth…its true..i think he’s sexy and quite good on the show. and Sheila..i did watch Charles in Charge fantically..but it was purely prurient…it is truly one the worst shows ever to find a modicum of success…but Grey’s Anatomy is wonderful…smart writing,witty acting(especially the under-appreciated Sandra Oh)and yes…Mr. Dempsey is good…it’s true.
Mitchell … my brain struggles to accept what you say about P.D. being good on the show.
I should check out the show myself then – even though the Dempsey factor would have kept me away. When is it on, do you know?
“In what sense of the legal definition of the word “fraud” would its use not be a reflection on a person’s character?”
Seriously, saying that it wasn’t was just patently stupid, but is pratically a textbook example of how when someone says “this doesn’t mean X” and all it does is reinforce just how much it DOES mean X.
The definitions vary from one jurisdiction to the next, but criminal fraud, otherwise known as “theft by deception” and/or “larceny by false pretense” (a whole family of related crimes) is typically defined as something like “deliberately deceiving another person in order to damage that person, and such damage or other reasonably forseeable damage actually resulting therefrom.” Civil fraud, the broader kind that a family-law document could be presumed to refer to, is typically defined as something like “making a knowingly false representation of a fact susceptible to actual knowledge, which is then relied by another person to that person’s detriment.”
It’s pretty hard to see how either of those things doesn’t “call into question” the character of someone accused of engaging in them. Indeed, there’s a reason why misdemeanor frauds and even non-criminal civil frauds are typically treated by rules of legal ethics as “acts of moral turpitude” that can be grounds for disbarment.
its on Sunday nights..i think ten on the east coast
mitchell – I will reluctantly check it out. :)