I stood in line at Actors Equity, holding my contract, and my membership form. I was so excited. This has been a day I have long awaited – not that it means anything – not really – but it is definitely a step forward. I have waited a long time. I got a bit choked up when I left the office, emerging onto the throngs on 46th Street, the cold wind whipping across town from the Hudson … feeling: Just remember this moment. Take a second to revel in this moment. Actors Equity, by the way, is right next door to my favorite church in the city. It’s on 46th in between 7th and 6th. If you’re ever in town, and like beautiful churches – this one – squished in between two massive office buildings – is a MAGICAL spot. I walk in there and I literally can’t even hear the traffic anymore – even though I know that that’s just an illusion. It is a true enclave of peace. I even feel like my heart rate slows down when I pass through the big front doors. It’s a nice block – and now that block will be MUCH more in my life in a regular way. Which is cool. I can also visit “my” church more often. Equity card goes hand in hand with church-visiting. Good stuff.
But my main anxiety was that my name would already be taken by someone else in the Union. I’ve talked about this before. I already had a couple of names in my head – to use in case Sheila O’Malley was already taken – but … I don’t know. It would be quite stressful. To suddenly have to have a new name, professionally. To have to change everything – my voice mail, my photos, yadda yadda. Also, I just like my name. I think it’s a nice name. I’m not Englebert Humperdinck (and please – let us all remember that his name was actually Arnold George Dorsey and he changed it to ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK- Eddie Izzard does a brilliant bit on it – “I just wish I could have been in the room when that decision was made.”) But anyway. I had my fingers crossed.
I got in line in the bustling membership department. There were a couple of windows open and two windows became available at the same time – so there were two of us getting our membership at the same moment – and she (the girl next to me) was 30 seconds ahead of me in the process – so as MY representative was looking to see if MY name was taken – she was already getting word that HER name was available. She breathed a sigh of relief, we made eye contact, and she said, “Sometimes you just get lucky” and she showed me her membership application, and her name is, indeed VERY common. I said, “Congratulations! I hope that my name … well … my name is Sheila O’Malley.” I saw the look cross over her face. She winced. hahahaha There are a gazillion Irish people in Actors Equity – not to mention a gazillion O’Malleys – the majority of whom are my cousins – and Sheila O’Malley is not an uncommon name. She said, “Uh-oh. Good luck with that.” Then came a laughing conversation about ridiculous names that we would have chosen if our real names had been taken. I made some STUPID joke about changing my name to something in the Xhosa language – which was SUCH a stupid joke, but everyone just started cracking UP. SO DUMB. Like – you walk into the audition room: “Hi, my name is click!!CLOCK-clock-clickclick and I will be doing a monologue from Macbeth. Thank you.” SO STUPID. But it certainly broke up the tension of waiting to see if there was another Sheila O’Malley on the books.
Then my lovely representative said, with a tone of surprise, “Your name has not been taken yet!” It shocked even HER. I said, “Yay!!” And the other girl got so excited – and we actually hugged. “Congratulations, Sheila O’Malley!” she exclaimed.
hahaha One of those random moments of warmth that you sometimes (very rarely) find in the middle of a bureaucracy.
So now I can still be me.
Congratulations!!!!
Ooooooooh! I can’t wait to see the asterisk* after your name in the playbill from your next production.
Congratulations!!!
* Member of Actors Equity Association
Dearest: I know two Sheila O’Malleys and I love them both. Congratulations to the one in Equity. love, dad
curly – hahahahaha I am now in the land of the asterisk and it is very exciting!!
The little symbol adds such gravity and credence whenever I flip through a program so it’s totally fitting that you have it after your name. You kick ass.
This is so exciting and well deserved! We must toast this good news the next time I see you.
Sooooo….what were some of the alternatives if you couldn’t be you? The non-Xhosa ones, preferably.
Pity, we missed out on a “Name Sheila Contest.”
Bingley – I was leaning towards Maeve. I like the ethnicity of my name – didn’t want to lose it. But as a joke I was saying I would spell it the Irish way: Meadhbh. Like: if I’m gonna go ethnic, let’s go all out!!
Actually if you look in the comment thread here, you can see some pretty funny suggestions.
http://www.sheilaomalley.com/archives/005433.html
How long is a name put out of use? If the current owner of “Sheila O’Malley” approaches room temperature, does the name become available again? Or does the owner take it with her?
I would imagine you take it with you, Michael. I don’t think they’d let me join as “Jean Harlow”.
Might be fun to try though.
I SO enjoy that image. hahaha
Here I thought Bing thought of himself as more of a Jane Mansfield. Live and learn.
Wait a sec… The guy that wrote the opera Hansel and Gretel had a real last name of Dorsey?! Well, no wonder he changed it; you can’t write a German opera with a name like “Dorsey”.
Okay, a serious, albeit another classic “ignorant of the performing arts by JFH”, question:
What took you so long to join the union? Is it:
a) Didn’t want to pay union dues
b) Didn’t have the qualifications to join
c) Didn’t want to join a semi-socialist organization that has long out-lived it’s usefulness in today’s modern economy and that probably DID have strong Marxist leanings in the ’50s despite the vilification of Elia Kazan (oops, that’s a little too political for your site, I apolize)
d) None of the above
I have to work on the hair, red. The legs I got.
JFH –
At times it’s better to be non-union. It was better that I was non-union while I lived in Chicago – a lot of good non-union work there. But in New York you really must be in the union or you will be doing shitty jobs that YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR.
beyond that, I would have to say – it’s nobody’s business why I haven’t joined.
Also “c” is WAY off. Way off. Your bias is showing. I’m totally pro-Union, in all respects, so you’re barking up the wrong tree. And in terms of acting: try to get any decent job that actually PAYS YOU here in New York and not be union. Actors Equity has the highest level of unemployment of any union – but without it, you are dead in the water as an actor. You’ll be stuck doing non-paying gigs in a basement south of Houston Street. That’s not a career.
Actors Equity has a lot of problems and there are many reasons not to join, but it protects actors. Actors need to be protected. This is a perilous career. There is no job security.
Also JFH – there are plenty of people in Equity who are not “qualified” – meaning: THEY SUCK. hahaha It’s weird – it’s a union full of people who SUCK.
But getting in has to do with the kinds of jobs you get, and the amount of points you acquire. You can acquire points by understudying at a big Equity theatre (which I have done) – Or – you can get cast in an “Equity show” while you are non-Equity – and then join Equity under the umbrella-contract of that show you are in. That’s how it most often happens.
I didn’t mean to pry, just trying to educate myself and make a weak…uh very weak… joke.
I was more interested in the A and/or B questions, i.e., are union dues very expensive and is their a difficult membership process (as is the case with many construction unions).
Don’t you qualify for health insurance now too, and retirement? Or was that just Joey on Friends?
Oh, I just put a 2nd part to my answer, JFH – which talks about “how” to get in. It has to do with “points”, and contracts, yadda yadda – There are lots of different ways to get in. I’m not sure how other unions work – I’m sure if you’re an electrician or something then you pretty much have to be in a union in order to get jobs, right?
There’s a pretty big initiation fee for Actors Equity – but they don’t make you pay it all up front if you don’t have the full fee – you have 2 years to pay the full thing (again – they know they’re dealing with a bunch of broke actors) – and the yearly dues are next to nothing.
If you “join Equity” too soon – it can hold you back. You know – you’re 21 years old, just arrived in New York, nothing on your resume but college plays, and you get cast in a show – and you have the opportunity to join Equity. WHOO-HOO, right?? Not necessarily – because suddenly, when you join Equity – you are competing on a national level with actors who have WAY more experience than you do. You could get lost in the shuffle. You have no credits. sometimes it’s better to NOT join too soon and wait a bit – to build up your resume.
if you ARE Equity, then Equity makes it pretty difficult for you to do NON-Equity shows.
Most of the work I did in Chicago was non-Equity – but unlike in New York – it was with reputable companies, and I got paid. This is almost unheard of in New York.
Lisa – hahahahaha
yes! Health benefits, etc. But you have to work a certain amount of weeks a year to get benefits, and stuff like that.
So to everyone out there who sees some once-famous actor doing a cheesy commercial or an awful infomercial or whatever, before you think: “Oh man, that’s so sad” – realize that that actor is probably just doing it to keep up his health insurance!! it’s okay! It’s survival!!
That’s what happened to Joey! He hadn’t worked very much so his benefits were cancelled and he got a hernia and then Chandler tried to give him the money but you know how he is he’s too proud to take it so they had to get him hired but it was really really HARD because he had a HERNIA but it all worked out in the end.
::sigh:: I miss Friends. They really had REAL-LIFE problems, ya know?
hahahaha I remember that one!
Hey – did Joey’s spinoff tank??
Back to Friends: I particularly love the MASSIVE apartment Monica and Rachel lived in. On a waitress’ salary? And a freelance chef? What????
I think that was explained as it was original Monica’s grandmother’s rent-controlled apartment (which see illegally sublet to her).
Joey is off the air until after the Olympics.
My friend Mark used to live in Hell’s Kitchen and he told me once that his whole apartment could fit in Monica and Rachel’s kitchen — and HE had a roommate.
Re: the rent. In the first season, it’s explained that Monica is living there illegally. It was her grandmother’s apartment and it was rent-controlled, so when her grandmother died, she and Phoebe moved in.
It is humiliating how much I know about that show. It is my Cary Grant.
JFH –
I am so impressed with your level of knowledge. But then I shouldn’t be surprised – remembering the General Hospital conversation we all had a while back.
AAAAAAnd JFH gets it in first.
Lisa – wow. You and JFH amaze me. I must have missed that one episode.
I bow my head to you both.
Yeah, but, in my haste, my comments sound like they’re coming from a Chinese translation program that my co-workers use to send me emails from, well duh, China (you’d be surprised at how awful they are especially when discussing technical subjects like software implementation)
hahahahahaha I just re-read the comment – can’t stop laughing … How scary is it that it made complete sense to me in the original? I just saw “Monica” “rent-control” and “grandmother” and I got the whole story.
Sooo Cool! BTW, I just KNEW you had to be an Izzard fan! lol, I love the Engelbert Humperdink bit, I usually put on his DVD while I work out, makes the whole staying in shape thing bearable! :)
“Who we got? We got Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingelbert Wingledanck –”
“No, no, go back one. Go back one.”
“Engelbert Humperdinck.”
“That’s it.”
Hahahahahahaha! God it’s so funny, even WRITTEN it makes me laugh like a drunken hyena!
“Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack” … are we back in the Harry Potter thread?
Seriously, Sheila, congratulations! It’s got to be comforting in a surreal, only-in-NY-while-acting kind of way – you still get to be you!
rude1 – i know!!! it NEVER gets old!!!!
Of course I love this as well:
“Did I leave the gas on? Of course not! I’m a fuckin’ squirrel!”
nightfly – hahahahaha
Dumbledore Humperdinck!!
“Je suis le President de Burundi.”
Only in the context of that concert could that line be funny!! But I HOWL every time I see it.
“Je suis le President de Burundi.”
Of course, there’s “I’m from England, where the history comes from”
hahahahaha
“Oh, we’re buildin’ a Henge, are we – a lovely Henge … it’s not far, is it?”
“Well, do you have a FLAG???”
“We don’t need a flag! We live here, ya bastards!”
“The Inquisition would never have worked with Church of England. ‘Ow – this vise is on too tight!’ ‘Well, loosen it up a bit, loosen it up a bit …'”
Hahahahah! More drunken hyena here in the office!
It’s all just so good!!!
“TEA AND CAKE … OR DEATH???????”
“Uhm – cake, please?”
Stoppit!!!! You’re killing me here! Seriously, last week I was working out and thought to myself, “I’ll bet Sheila O’Malley probably loves this guy too.” I spend way too much time here I think :)
Would you have changed the name of the blog to The Maeve Variations?
Ugh. The AEA racket claims another victim.
For those who wish to know, joining AEA costs around $1200 for the registration fee and initiation fee, and in order to join you need to have 50 weeks of performances under your belt (or 25, if you belong to one of the sister families.. urm.. unions). Then they steal $120 a year or so, plus 2.25% of your weekly gross.
As red said, if you’re an actor with a reasonably established performance history, joining AEA is about the only way to actually make a dime in NYC as a performer, as very few producers have the nuts to stand up to them. Reason being, if you screw with AEA, all of the sister rackets will get on you, and pretty soon you’ll find yourself without any IATSE people, no AFM musicians, and so on and so forth. You’d be lucky to find someone to sweep the floor. Take a look at the AFM shutdown of Broadway a few years back for a practical example of this.
The catch is, as an AEA actor, you can’t work non-union shows, which means if you’re an up-and-comer, you’re pretty much excluded from all but the largest off-broadway and broadway shows, which unseasoned actors have very little chance of getting cast in. I’ve known many people, especially child actors, who had to join Equity as a result of being cast in an Equity show, only to end up being royally screwed because of it. That said, at least they’re better than SAG.
Ah well, congrats, Sheila. I’d better see you on the great white way post haste. :)
Patrick –
nah – I’d just live a double life with another identity!
“…- there are plenty of people in Equity who are not “qualified” – meaning: THEY SUCK. hahaha It’s weird – it’s a union full of people who SUCK.”
Just like the Bar! Um, except I suppose the part about non-members practicing their “craft” going to jail. ;-)
Seriously, though, congrats!
Congratulations!! You’re so lucky to have kept your name! I hate not having my name for that other union!! Some dickwad did a movie when he was 14 and hasn’t worked since and keeps paying his frigging dues. Now I gotta stick that middle name in there and unlike Philip Seymour Hoffman, mine isn’t as cool.
Anyway, enough about me, you deserve it all girl!
Maybe you can just make up a cooler middle name. Like Attila or something.
Or maybe, David *click-nigh-cluck* (insert last name). I still get wary about putting my name on the internet.
“The Force is strong with you.”
“Really? How strong?”
“Because there’s a fucking ‘H’ in it!”
“The Force is as strong as … a small pony.”
I love that “fucking H” line too. His eyes get so PISSED.
How ’bout the guys rolling the stones to Stone Henge, bitching: “I wish the Christians would hurry up and get here! I don’t even know where I LIVE now!”
Sheila, I am so happy for you and proud of you. Welcome to the Union! Long may it prosper and protect us! So happy to see the asterisk next to your name. . .
Love Kerry
nah – I’d just live a double life with another identity!
Of course you would.
Patrick – hahahaha
Now that you know my secret it makes even MORE sense, doesn’t it? I have many identities.
Kerry –
thanks, cousin! It’s about time, no??
Congratulations, Sheila!
“Let’s see….Blodgett, Blodgett….ah yes. Here it is. Your name is Vicki Lester.”
“What?”
“Vicki Lester. Your name is now Vicki Lester. V-i-c-k-i L-e-s-t-e-r. Vicki Lester.”
“Vicki Lester? Vicki Lester……….huh, Vicki Lester!”
Congratulations on that, Sheila. I deliberately credited myself in my work with my middle initial, so people wouldn’t confuse me with this one guy who simply won’t stop playing Professional Football.
Offensive Line. Formerly of the Buffalo Bills. We’re one year off from one another. Now I’ll never be able to book a reservation in the City of Chicago.
Oh, and also… “I have invented a Maneuver…”
“What are you a bloody Tank commander now?”
wutzizname – you’re the reason I am aware of Eddie Izzard at all – you made SURE I saw that special!! I can’t thank you enough!
“Hitler never played Risk when he was a kid …”
hahahaha!!
:: Hitler working with a painting ::
“I cannot get ze trees to…DAMN I VILL KILL EVERYONE IN ZE WORLD!!!!”
A while back, my girlfriend and I were watching that Star Wars documentary Empire of Dreams and they were showing footage of Vader before James Earl Jones was dubbed in. After a few lines in David Prowse’s reedy muffled English voice, I absent-mindedly said “Uh, as strong as a small pony.”
The GF burst out laughing, “I was just thinking that!”
hahahaha With a Cockney aceent too – “‘ello … use the force, Luke … it’s as strong as a small pony …”
How about all the English people playing villains? hahahaha
“What is it, Sebastian? I’m arranging matches.”
“Pol Pot was under house arrest … which is fine … Just don’t go in that house, y’know what I mean?”
Je suis le [democratically-elected?] President de Burundi: http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/12/20/051220134942.8w8uaqyp.html
Izzard was the first thing I thought of when I saw them mentioned in the article.
Meanwhile:
“Do they want tea?”
“I think they’re after something rather more than that sir.”
“Well what do they want?”
“I don’t know, but they’ve brought a flag.”
Just the way he says “Do they want tea?” makes me crack up every time I hear it.
“So you’re from Burundi, are you? Fantastic! No, I know, it’s near Zaire, isn’t it? Near Tanzania, yeah. Yeah. No, I learned them all when I had chicken pox. I have to go now, because my grandmother’s on fire…”
Then of course – during the encore done completely in French – everyone just HOWLING with laughter – but you can’t really say WHY you’re laughing – it’s just hilarious:
“Ah, oui, Burundi! Je le connais bien! Cest tout près de Zaire, oui? Tout près de Mozambique No, Tanzanie, Tanzanie! Oui, je les ai appris quand jai les pox de poulet. Je dois part maintenant parce que ma grandmère est flambèe ”
hahahaha I am laughing right now …
Sketch humor is in my opinion, some of the most hilarious. More comedians need to follow the example.
“You Crazy bugger…You can’t do all this!! What are you, a Mormon? You can’t — Ciao! — You can’t Marry all these women!”
When he stopped to say Ciao, my brother and I lost ALL composure. There’s nothing better than a running joke in hidden context.
wutzizname – right!! Like the Pope is Italian so Izzard has to loop back in his whole “Ciao” Italian joke even though the topic is different – hahahahahahahaha
I also enjoy:
“We have the EU now, which is the cutting edge of politics in an extraordinarily boring way.”
Izzard as England, in regards to the “race to the moon” in the 1960s:
“We can’t get a guy in a track suit up a ladder!!”
Okay, I’ll stop now.
For the moment.
I can’t stop.
“Dad, I told you not to call me Jeezy Creezy!”
1. Congratulations!
2. Completely random comment – your mention of the Xhosa language reminded me of that SNL skit about a game show called “Where Ya Headed” in which contestants where challenged to give directions to various Dunkin Donuts. The contestannts were all New Englanders, played with really bad Boston accents (one line: “that wicked fat kid works there; I think he’s retahded.”) except for a Kalahari bushman, who give all his responses in SNL bushman language.
dan – hahahaha I never saw that skit but it sounds feckin’ hilarious
“The Force is as strong as … a small pony.”
“Why, that’s quite strong, that is.”