Things experienced so far in LA – part 6

— An immaculate man named Garry seems to be the owner of the joint. He is obviously Armenian. He has a thick accent and a kind humorous face. He seems amused by the two fluttery girls, one with a boa and hair extensions, the other with beaded platform sandals, teetering around in his auto-repair shop, doing random jazz dance moves, practicing our jazz hands. We explain to him, breathlessly, the situation.

— He says he will take a look at the car and let us know what the problem is. It’s amazing. The service is amazing. Alex has now found a reliable mechanic in this town. Relationships were built yesterday. You cannot underestimate the value of an awesome and honest mechanic. We also were nervous because the two of us were so undeniably FEMALE … I mean, there is nothing butch about either of us … we feared he might take us for a ride. But he did not. He told us to wait in a little office room and he would take a look at the car and let us know what the deal was.

— Alex and I sat in the bizarrest little room ever constructed. There was a refrigerator. There was a small table with a coffee pot and an old encrusted donut in a box. There was a glass case with an ivory statue of a girl on a swing, with billowing skirts. There were two random pieces of furniture – two huge VANITIES – leaning up against the wall – with rounded mirrors and girlie little drawers with knobby handles. There was a big scratched table – and on it was the workings of a very elaborate jigsaw puzzle, in process. There was a random phone. There was an ashtray. And a television was on, showing some obviously awful movie with Nic Cage, Samuel Jackson and David Caruso – who was clearly still trying to prove that leaving NYPD Blue after one season was not a dreadful career-ending mistake. Alex talked on the phone with Chrisanne about finances and paying for this thing. I struggled with my sense of shame and guilt. I KEPT saying, throughout the day, “I am so sorry I have depleted your nest egg.” “Depleted your nest egg” became the theme.

— I worked on the jigsaw puzzle. I made some progress.

— Garry finally came back in and took us over to the car to tell us what needed to be done. It had to do with rust, and snow, and the brake pads being worn down … The damage was extensive and obviously had nothing to do with the way I had been driving the car. The brakes going out was an incident just waiting to happen. Alex teaches a class and drives through Laurel Canyon on hellatious cliff-side roads … and was imagining the brakes going THEN. She could have been dead. “Sheila, the way this has happened could not have been more perfect … It’s not that the planets are OUT of alignment today … it is that the planets are beautifully IN alignment … If the brakes had gone while driving to teach my class, I would have plummeted over a cliff to my death. If the brakes had gone while you were on the huge descent – you would not have been able to drift to a stop – if the brakes had gone while you were climbing UP the hill, you would have been in big trouble … if the brakes had gone while you were going 70, you would have killed yourself and maybe many others … A miracle has happened today. We are SO LUCKY.” Garry told her what needed to be done and how much it would cost. I murmured, “There goes your nest egg.” But it really wasn’t as bad as we anticipated. We had thought it could be 5,000 bucks or something … it wasn’t Garry also said that he could fix it in a couple of hours.

— There was then a whole conversation about payment, and credit cards, and etc. etc. Alex was on the phone with Chrisanne and she said, “Well, because your name is on that credit card – he can’t take it – because you would have to sign it …” There was a pause as Chrisanne responded, and I heard Alex say, “I know … I know …” and I just KNEW that Chrisanne had said something like, “Well IF WE COULD BE LEGALLY MARRIED THEN IT WOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM!!!” This is when that shite really gets to you. But they worked it out somehow, and all was right with the world.

— Garry helped us out. He told us we should take the subway (what? the subway?) up to Hollywood Boulevard, walk around for a couple of hours, and come back to get the car at around 5.

— Well, allrighty then. This was not the day we had PLANNED but it was the day we had.

— So Alex and I staggered off to the subway station (what?) and began the second extraordinary leg of this extraordinary day.