Weird dates: Tadeusz and John Kennedy

I’ve certainly had some weird dates but nothing as weird as THIS. It’s a whole movie. I love that he was a “vampire” from Iceland. So perfect.

Update: Mitchell went on a date or two with a guy from Poland whose name was Tadeusz and he had pale skin, delicate violet shadows beneath his eyes, and seemed extremely Eastern European … as though he had just crawled out through the wreckage of the Berlin wall, with stories too horrible to tell. He told me I reminded him of his dead sister, and how “a shock went through me when I first met you” because of the resemblance. All of this said in a thick Polish accent. We referred to him as a “vampire” because he said something to us like, “I don’t like the daylight.” “Do you want to go throw a Frisbree around tomorrow afternoon, Tadeusz?” Long pause. Then, flatly, thick accent, “I don’t like the daylight.”

Mitchell and I eventually turned the whole thing into a joke, singing along to James Taylor’s “Shed a little light” – only we would sing:

“Shed a little light, Tadeusz!”

Update again: I went on one date with this guy … and the date itself was not weird … but why he asked me out (and the mere fact that he asked me out) struck me as very weird at the time. Now I realize that he and I were just behaving like every 1940s movie cliche in the book (although 1940s movie heroines don’t use words like “fucking asshole” – However most of them look like they COULD!). Mitchell and I were hanging out one night at a bar/improv club. Two guys came over to talk to us. One looked exactly like John Kennedy (the father, not the son). We began a conversation. John Kennedy was extremely obnoxious and seemed determined to just needle me, and tease me, and “wind me up”. He must have felt that this was a good courtship technique. He was condescending, superior, and laughed in my face when I would be serious. He seemed incapable of believing that a woman could ever have anything valuable or funny or interesting to say. Ick. Mitchell turned away from the conversation at one point, talked to someone else for 15 seconds, turned back to OUR conversation only to see that I had started SHOUTING at John Kennedy. I don’t remember exactly what it was – it had something to do with rape, and him saying he thought rape wasn’t a big problem and that most girls “ask for it” – I know it was something like that – nice first topic of conversation, buddy – and he just wanted to see me go nuts … and I had had it with his condescension, and his arrogance, and his utter lack of social skills, and I called him a “fucking asshole” to his face. This all happened in the 15 seconds that Mitchell was not involved in the conversation. hahahaha Mitchell immediately leapt in the middle of it and tried to smooth things out. I said something to the dude like, “You know you might have more success with the ladies if you toned down your goddamn arrogance and learned how to listen instead of just lecture. Jagoff.” And I walked away. The second I was gone, he said to Mitchell, “Can you give me her phone number? I’m totally attracted to that lunatic.” hahahaha 1940s cliche!! The guy actually was a nice guy. It was just that – his idea of flirting was to put girls down, laugh at them when they were serious, condescend their opinions, and in general be a dickhead. He WAS flirting, though. Mitchell gave him my phone number. (Our phone number, we lived together.) He called me the next day and we went out. The “sparks” that flew in our first conversation did not survive during a normal date – which is probably a good thing, because who wants to argue about RAPE on a date? He was now on his best behavior, and so was I … so we sat awkwardly, and had a couple beers, and he tried to give me a backrub (uh oh – BACKRUB BOY ALERT!) and the whole time I was thinking: “I wonder if I can make it home by 11 when 30something is on.”