I’m not big on conspiracy theories, as fascinating as I find them. (Ahem.) But there is a certain organization where I make an exception. You know how conspiracy theorists will believe anything – as long as it supports their view that there is, in fact, a man behind the curtain? They totally believe. It’s not that they believe IN the man behind the curtain. It’s that: they believe that there actually IS a man behind the curtain. I don’t. There is no man behind the curtain. We’re all just trying to find our way. There is no Uber-knowledge. Nobody knows all. You can’t get up high enough to see the whole picture. Even if you are King of the World. You just have to struggle through, try to make a difference in your own small way – however that may be – and take a healthily skeptical stance towards everything you read – and do your best to be reasonable, compassionate, and intelligent. Conspiracy theorists have vast webs of fantasy going on … because they truly believe that there is a curtain out there – and if they could just draw it back – they would come to a place where everything MAKES SENSE. Connections from here to there, A leads to B, and so on. They are waiting for that Uber “A-ha” moment. I don’t quite succumb to that mindset myself.
Except.
With a certain band of volcano-worshipping e-meter-reading antidepressant-hating nutjobs, I find myself in the realm of the conspiracy theorists. I’ll believe anything. I believe there IS a man behind the curtain. I also believe that I know his name. I believe the organization itself is capable of keeping a secret (although the Internet is cramping their Xenu-phobic style) … I also believe that the organization itself of which I speak is capable of being – uhm – ORGANIZED (as opposed to, say, any government organization whatsoever. I don’t believe government could organize itself to tie its own shoes if it put its mind to it. I think it’s kind of cute that conspiracy theorists have such a naive belief in the capability of bureaucracy to be efficient, organized, and secretive. So no. I just can’t succumb to any vast conspiracy theory when it comes to government agencies.) But C0$? I leap willingly into Area 51 land.
So here we go.
Check this weirdness out. I have always had a feeling (based on NO PROOF) that something fishy was up with the deal struck between the IRS and the culty-wulties. It just didn’t feel right to me. (See? Conspiracy theory madness. It’s all based on “feelings”. But still. I trust my instincts. I’m like Miss Clavel. “Something is not right!”)
A good example of things that make you go hmmmmm.
I always figured they harrassed the IRS agents assigned to their case or something. But…wow.
I really hate that Napoleon complex-having midget.
Juicy. Where is Dan Brown with the novel on this already?
Oh, and for the record:
To Hell David M******** and all his Mont Blanc pens!
And F*%! his secret Dr. No headquarters full of Xenulobotomized S.P.E.C.T.R.E commandos, too!
I remember that article, Alex – creeeeepy! (Oh – I took out his last name from your comment. I just want to stay under the radar, if at all possible – rather difficult, but I need to try!)
There’s that one photo of Napoleon-midget-man and Crooz-boy – both on motorcycles.
They look like ex-Menudo members.
I love how the LA Times article says he’s about five-seven. Um, yeah, right. Look at him in pictures next to other grown people. No friggin’ way. And he had everything “built in porportion to his body size”? WTF? I’m five seven and I don’t need anything “built in porportion”, except maybe my bras and they’ve got nothing to do with my height. Maybe they lower the ceilings and door frames to help him not feel so short or something.
And also – he is rarely photographed, right? It seems like he really does want to be the magical man behind the curtain.
Every time I see a picture of him, I get this weird little shiver – he just looks so … brainwashed, is the word. There’s nothing going on there.
Then of course there is the genius of that SALUTING picture. I loooooove that picture. It’s so insane!!
Any pictures of those guys in their sailor suits – especially that doctored one on the deck of one of their ships – the one where he’s got a box that’s made up to look like a grate for him to stand on so he doesn’t look like an oompa loompa next to the rest of them. They’ve also doctored people out of that photo, the ones they want to erase because they weren’t obedient little Super Adventurists.
I take it he means the figure-8 symbol to the Northeast of the landing strip? This is east of Sante Fe, NM. I have heard some strange rumors from friends who live out in that area. I am not a believer in conspiracy theories–for many of the reasons you mention, Sheila. However, if some of these facts are true, SOMETHING strange is going on. Was Clay Shaw ever seen anywhere near there? How about Thomas Neil Cream, or Vince Foster?
“ex-menudo memebers” – BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Co$, I dub thee – The Church of Menudo! So let it be written, so let it be done! Now all join in our recessional hymn, “Standing Tough,” on page 63. (And remember to tip your ushers.)
They look like ex-Menudo members.
L O f**king L, Sheila. Oh my God.
Have you guys seen the photo?? hahahaha I need to track it down just so you can glory in it. It’s truly horrifying. It makes you so embarrassed just to look at it.
AWESOME!
I have not seen it. Please make use of your magic Google powers to make it appear for us.
They are wearing Ninja-esque motorcycle jackets with freakin’ shoulder pads. Let me try to track it down.
Here it is, boys!
They’re both so confident in their coolness. Dude, look at how utterly empty their eyes look.
Yeah, like: why the bad-ass looks, guys? How ’bout a smile?
No, no. Because they are trying to “clear” the planet. No smiles allowed.
And then of course … the classic.
Seriously. My blood runs cold looking at that.
You know what, though? Shorty O’Heightchallenged is so high up and oversees so much and basically inherited the helm of the ship from Elron himself, so I have to wonder how much of it he believes. Somebody has to be deliberately running the ruse and be fully aware that it is all a scam, don’t you think? I mean I know there’s such a thing as charlatans who learn to believe the lies they hawk, but with these guys? I don’t know.
Emily – yeah, I am very cynical about the higher-ups. I truly believe (again: with my “feelings”!!!) that those in charge – but only a very few of them – know exACTLY what they are doing.
And then there’s the story about Crooze trying to get out (after the Xenu revelation) and basically being locked in a room by the Midget Commander of the Sea Org – so that he could be re-programmed. He was not allowed to leave until he swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker.
I think D.M. knows exactly what he’s doing.
This is a totalitarian system – and he gets to be in charge. He is all mighty and powerful. So he protects the system, no matter what. That way he gets to be the head honcho to end all head honchos.
Yeah, that’s why I’m hesitant to be too critical of individual Adventurists, as angry as their brainwashed stupidity may make me (*cough* Henna Belfman *cough*). Ultimately, they’re truly victims of a con.
Then again, I’m sure you’ve read the personal stories of people that have escaped, where they describe carrying out vicious “fair game” orders against critics and members trying to leave and explain that they felt perfectly justified at the time, as insanely screwed up as their actions may seem in hindsight. Once you come to believe that all outsiders are wrong and those who are not “clear” are bad people, I imagine you’d be pretty capable of some heinous stuff.
Totally – like Magoo. She was vicious in her attacks on “enemies” of the cult – and notorious for her attacks … but after her “a-ha” moment – she never could go back. She “snapped out of it”. It’s truly amazing – just goes to show you that your brain can definitely “snap out of it” … She was in the damn thing for 30 years!!! So it is possible to see the light, even after devoting your whole life to the thing.
Henna Elfbitch scares me. Her eyes are NUTS.
That is one of the craziest pictures of all time.
Notice that while astride bikes (expensive Italian exotics at that), Lord Admiral Montblanc and Liliputian: III both look like normal-sized people.
In reality, Montblanc probably has to stretch those dainty ankles of his to make his tippytoes touch the pavement.
Hilarious.
All that, and they manage to look like
There’s an interesting comment from someone at the other site to the effect of “move along… there’s nothing to see here.”
CW – I saw that. Hmmmm. He sounds a bit too defensive for me to believe that there is no “there there”.
But again: in this realm, I’m a total conspiracy theorist, and I think that NOTHING is what it seems. I could be totally paranoid.
Nope. You’re not paranoid (at least not in this instance. They could still be after you). The author of the post had a pretty good retort.
I googled the guy’s name to see if anything came up regarding him having an affiliation with the Super Adventure Club, but didn’t turn up anything.
I am *so there* with you on Conspiracy Island in this matter. Weird!
Funny, just the other day I was coming out of the Tarzan previews, and wham. Big horkin’ Scientology building I’d never, ever seen before. Just poof, and it’s there.
Creepy, so I thought, but I couldn’t exactly place that cold-sweat shiver-up-the-spine feeling.
And then I paid my taxes. It’s true!
You know, I don’t think TomGun is so tall, either – what, about 5′ 8″? – so that shot of him and Montblanc (heheheh) means that the Lord Admiral is about 5′ 2″ MAX.
Nice that the Super Adventure Club has its own fleet of Excite-Bikes, though. “Holy Zenu, Tom! Trouble at the old quarry!” “Quick, old chum, to the bikes! WE RIDE!”
I just need to say this in defense of the short men that I know and love:
There is nothing wrong with being short, and there’s no need to be ashamed if you are. Obviously you can lose weight, you can gain weight, you can make your boobs bigger, you can make your boobs smaller – but your height is your height. You can’t stretch your legs out, etc. You can’t elongate your torso so that you are a taller person.
It’s just the WEIRDNESS of the two guys (similar to Stalin wearing platform shoes) that makes it seem wrong and funny. Like – mockery-worthy.
And Cruise is so weird about his height – but then again: Bogart would stand on boxes during love scenes so he wouldn’t seem so short.
LOOK at the looks on their faces in both of those INSANE photos. They’ve got so much to prove. It’s like: “Guys. It’s OKAY you’re short. Just because you’re short doesn’t mean you have to create a destructive cult that ruins people’s lives!!!!”
//Trouble at the old quarry//
hahahaha
The whole thing is so ABSURD!!!!!!
Dying to know the back-story, by the way, about the relationship between those two men. I bet there’s a ton of dirt there.
Oh, of course, Sheila – it’s not that their shortness is funny or wrong, it’s just that THEY seem to think so, and go through great lengths to hide it. It’s one thing if you’re filming a scene, and quite another when you’re saluting each other on the deck of your Thetan-Cleansing Atomic Warship. It’s like – “dude, you’re not fooling anyone. Embrace your dimensions.”
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Sheila,
I totally agree. I don’t mock them for being short because I’m “shortist” or whatever the word is. It’s just that Shorty McMidgetcultleader has such a vicious complex about it and is such a rotten person, I consider his height fair game. Much in the same way he would consider any of my personal attributes fair game if I should “out” myself as a critic.
Like: the salute just KILLS me. I still have no words for it. Look at Napoleon’s face on the right … like LOOK AT THAT FACE.
“…saluting each other on the deck of your Thetan-Cleansing Atomic Warship…”
Hahahaha. In sailor suits. Like my friend Marc once said, they’re not content with just being plain f#cked up. They’ve got to add sailor suits to the picture and be freakishly f#cked up.
Uhm – I believe I have referred to him as Napoleon Midget-Man on numerous occasions. I was speaking to myself really.
I read somewhere that Crooze did his damndest to “suppress” (ooh that word) that photo – He’s still canny enough to realize how insane it looks.
But I don’t care – if you look at his face on the left, he is TOTALLY in the moment. I see no embarrassment there, no “oops, I’m caught in an embarrassing moment” face – he looks completely committed to SALUTING Mini Me.
But no way did he want that photo out. Too late!!
Here’s the problem, Ms. Red. You don’t know the history of creepy underground facilities! I do.
;-)
That salute photo is beyond creepy – it kinda gives one the impression that they have plans for us non-believers…
hahahahahaha
Mike – absolutely. LIke – there’s a MISSION in those faces. “We’re gonna CLEAR them.”
Remember: Crooze cares about “each and every one” of us.
I remember saying to Emily that he’s the only person I can think of who can make “caring” sound like a threat.
“I care about each and every one of you.”
RUN FOR THE HILLS!
The sad thing is obviously Cruise learned nothing about saluting during his training for Top Gun. That ain’t no American military salute, let alone any military I’m familar with (No salute I’ve ever observed has the index finger that high or that far back)
Oh gawd…I think it was when he was on “The View.” He looked like a maniac as he was passionately insisting “I. CARE. ABOUT. EVERYONE. IN. THIS. ROOM!!!!”
Spare yourself at least one person, Tom. I don’t need you to “care” about me. I can take care of myself, you condescending twit.
Sheila, I believe your exact words were “Crooz is the only person I know of that can make the words ‘I care about you’ sound like a threat of violence.'” Somebody actually quoted it on their blog as their “quote of the day,” but I can’t remember who.
JFH – I think they have to point at their temples or something. They ought to add the circular motion while they’re at it, but you know…
Ah, the threat of caring. It’s creepy because it has this Orwellian precision to it – it’s not hard to picture a Ministry of Caring sailing into port and debarking thousands of Joy Troops into your streets. And Mike, Sheila – spot-on with the look on the both of them. It means everything to share that salute. It’s the most important thing we do here tonight.
But enough of that, let’s use JFH’s comment as an excuse to tangent on Top Gun for five hours.
You’re right Sheila, that sort of caring definitely is a threat. Like, it’s only because he “loves” the victims of post-partum depression that he’s going to forcibly take away their anti-depressants…
WHERE? WHERE are the pictures you guys are talking about?
There are links in the comments above, RTG. Red posted them. High-larity ensued.
Have a gander at some of the pictures on this page as well. Especially the one of Davey McShortyshort standing on the stage flanked by other idiots in sailor suits to get a clear idea of how short he really is.
Wow.
The salute one looks like a promo for a movie. The look between them is IN-Tense.
You called him Napoleon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
I’m dying here. What a fun thread, and I’ve still got a ways to go…
//Ministry of Caring sailing into port and debarking thousands of Joy Troops into your streets. //
I’m going to have nightmares tonight.
Also, Emily, it just cracks me up how we make them Scottish or Irish to show our contempt.
Shorty O’Shortman
Midget McXenu
Dwarfian O’Couchyshort
All Irish or Scottish.
McShortyshort. hahahahaha
RTG – There is definitely something charged and homoerotic between these two men. You can see it in that photo definitely – there’s a creepy intimacy to it. Nightfly, you hit the nail on the head: “This is the most important thing we do here tonight.”
See here I go again with my conspiracy theories – but I believe that something has gone on there, between them, and that’s one of the things the organization holds over Crooze so he feels he can’t leave. Blackmail.
I’m not saying I don’t think Crooze is nuts – I do – I think he has completely accepted the brainwashing into the deepest levesl of his DNA – but I also believe that you can have multiple levels of consciousness going on at one time. The subconscious is a powerful thing – which is why the cult spends MILLIONS of dollars and HOURS and HOURS of time teaching the cult members how to ‘stop thinking’ – how to suppress critical thought. If you suppress critical thinking – then your own instinct will be to totally distrust your subconscious. You must shut out your instincts in order to succumb to the cult.
I know that I totally TRUST my subconscious – it tells me when I am in danger, it informs me of things I need to work on, unresolved issues … It speaks in symbols, codes – but it is my ALLY, not my enemy.
Co$ is determined to KILL the subconscious. Croozey is a zealot – I believe that a lot of his loud-mouthed bullying comes from true belief, but I also see something else there. I can’t help it, I do. A lot of the time it is the true ZEALOTS who are the most fragile in their belief systems. I’ve noticed this with certian born-agains. I’m against loud-mouthed bullying zealotry anyway – to me it always seems like a cover for something else. Something more cringing and doubtful and frightened. That’s what I, personally, get from Couchy.
That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to show you this parody. It’s like it was crafted just for you, red.
I’m probably giving Xenu McPlacentaburger too much credit here, but has anyone here ever committed an act of “monkeywrenching by compliance”–doing exactly as you’re told, secure in the knowledge that the result will be disastrous?
Suppose–just suppose (and I’ll probably be hauled in front of the Committee for this, but I haven’t been turned, I still believe Han shot first)–that this is in fact what happened:
And then there’s the story about Crooze trying to get out (after the Xenu revelation) and basically being locked in a room by the Midget Commander of the Sea Org – so that he could be re-programmed. He was not allowed to leave until he swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker.
The guy is an ack-tor, after a fashion…you don’t suppose there’s any chance he decided, realizing they had enough dirt on him that he couldn’t simply escape, “Okay. I’ll be such a good little OT3 that the whole shooting match will be a punchline by the time I’m through.” Ridicule is one of the more effective “soft” weapons against tyranny.
“So, uh, wow. No. You SO can’t say this.”
Brilliant find!
Ken – I think that’s actually correct to some degree.
That’s one of the things the cult-watchers have noticed about Scientomogists who reach Tom’s level – meaning: the level where they are “told about Xenu”. It has been noticed that once someone reaches that point, there is a severe personality shift. People who are good at recognizing the signs (outsiders) can pretty much say: “Oh, I bet they’re OT7 now – that’s why they’ve become so unhinged and loud-mouthed.” – People suddenly become zealots, and harassing evangelists for the cause – at an even greater degree than they were before, I mean. We can SEE the change in Crooze over the last year – and yes, part of it has to do with him firing his publicist – but I think a lot of it has to do with him reaching this upper echelon in the cult.
There is a theory that once you “swallow” the Xenu thing (and there is so much pressure to be HAPPY about Xenu – you are supposed to feel RELIEVED – as opposed to incredulous, or contemptous – you are completely BOMBED with the message that this is a GOOD THING … there’s a huge expectation on you to feel a CERTAIN WAY) – but anyway, once you reach that level, you have already devoted 15, 20 years of your life to the cult, you have spent untold amounts of money – and in the case of Tom Crooze, you have put your own name onto the cult, you have done their dirty work, you have been USED – and there is such a huge deep shame attached to being so DUPED (nobody ever wants to admit they were taken, or duped) – that many people literally cannot imagine a way out. Meanwhile – they have cut off their family members who don’t believe, they have NO SUPPORT SYSTEM outside the cult … and so they succumb. Peer pressure is a HUGE part of any totalitarian system and I believe this is a great example.
I don’t think that any of this is actually known to Crooze – I think he has buried it way way deep, and that’s why he seems so fragile and nuts. He’s not INTEGRATED. He MUST MUST MUST assert that this cult is the ONLY WAY – because if it isn’t?? Then he has just wasted his life.
It’s evil, I’m tellin’ ya.
dorkafork – that is HILARIOUS!!!
I love the post-it note! hahahaha Like who cares about all the rest of it – but “gay”? You SO can’t say that.
Assholes. Seriously.
Sheila,
It’s only “mildy untold” amounts of money. We all know it’s over $100,00. Just to get to OT III. To be told about @enu. From what I hear, cocaine addiction sounds more satisfying.
MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it, dorkafork. The DaVinci Crooz. And on the plus side, the entire Dan Brown thing only took me five minutes instead of two hours, and I saved ten bucks.
how about John Travolta’s grinning frozen face coming into the frame from the side. hahahaha
HA! Yes, Sheila – Vincent Vega sneaking back into the frame… Just like Pulp Fiction, he must have been in the john while all the badness went down.