Alex and I did not have the money to buy the photo of the two of us on the roller coaster in Vegas (you know how they take pictures of you AS you hurtle by, upside down and screaming?) We had had to put our money in a locker (story at 10 – there are so many stories to tell) – and so we had no cash on us …
but seriously … Alex and I saw the photo, got one glimpse of it – and we were DONE. The two of us were staggering around, CRYING with laughter, HOWLING, guffawing, weeping, gasping, clutching at each other, wheezing …
It’s one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. I … I … I … I am speechless. No I’m not.
Sadly, there is no record of this photo except in our minds.
Oh, and Shannon sat alone in the car behind us – and in her photo she is pretty much curled up in a fetal position -she has been reduced to a flash of lime green – and streaming hair. No face.
In our photo – I am leaning forward, eyes closed, and my BREASTS! My breasts are (joke for Mitchell) SPILLIN’ OOTA my top. I look absolutely obscene. I am a florid Jayne Mansfield racing by overhead in the Vegas sky. And yet – my face is a wincing mania of terror. I am gripping onto the front of the car.
And beside me … is Alex. She is sitting straight up. She is screaming AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. And yet (and this, for me, is almost the funniest part): her eyes are open. She looks like a caricature of a screaming person. Her eyes bugging out, her mouth cavernous. I can’t get the image of her face out of my mind. I am laughing out loud right now typing this.
But the best part … the best part of all …
is that Alex is wearing her “Liza shirt” (go read the link in the post below to see what I’m talking about) – it’s a white sweatshirt, with a massive colorful drawing of Liza on the front of it. The expression on Liza’s face is like this. Liza’s face takes up all of Alex’s torso. Liza’s spiky eyelashes are as long as my fingers.
But anyway – in the roller coaster photo – as Alex sits there, screaming, like a caricature of a screaming person (I am shaking with laughter) … you can see the top half of Liza’s head peeking up over the roller coaster car. You can see the crazy huge Liza eyes coming up over the bar Alex is gripping onto as we fly through the air.
Alex and I stood there at the photo counter, money-less, staring and staring at that photo, downloading it into our brains, knowing we were looking at some kind of strange pinnacle of comedy …
My stomach still hurts from how hard we laughed.
And I completely blew my voice out screaming for Liza and screaming on the roller coaster. I now sound like Demi Moore with the flu.
WA HA HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH HA HA HA HAAAAHAHAHAHA HA HA HAA!!!!!!!!
*gasp*
*choke*
*gurgle*
I wish you went back and bought that picture. Hilarious description! I laughed without even seeing it.
Three years ago we met my parents for the weekend in Memphis. Because my mom had never been to Graceland, that was our first stop.
Before you get on the bus that takes you across the street, they stand you and your “group” in front of a wall that’s painted to look like the gates of Graceland and they take your picture. After your tour, they have it printed out and you can buy the set (2 5x7s and a couple of keychains, IIRC) for, like, $40. I’m guessing no one but the die-hardest Elvis fan buys them because the kiosk is always packed full of unbought pictures. (Plus you don’t get any time to pose. Just stand and CLICK!
OURS, of course, was purchased by my dad, who thought it was “GREAT that they do this!”)
We look hilarious. My mom got caught talking, so her mouth is all wonky, my dad is grinning like he just won the lottery, and my husband looks like a stranger who just leaned into the frame.
I made the unfortunate choice of wearing overalls, so Hayden is standing in front of me. He is right at my chin so I look like a disembodied head.
(The picture is on my refrigerator.)
We had had to put our money in a locker…
…Geez, and I thought I had a gambling problem. ;)
JFH – Ha! No, it wasn’t that. It was that we were not allowed to carry anything with us – we had to take our change out of our pockets – they didn’t want anything flying off the damn roller coaster because it’s an INNER CITY roller coaster – and a freakin’ quarter flying out of someone’s pocket could kill someone on the street below.
They make you buy a locker. Weird!!!
“a florid Jayne Mansfield racing by overhead in the Vegas sky”
“downloading it into our brains”
“I now sound like Demi Moore with the flu.”
Oh man, I’m dyin’ here.
Lovin’ it. Lovin’ it.
Lisa – hahahahahahaha Oh God, I so want to see that photo!!!
Wait…the roller coaster people make you put your stuff in a locker, then have the picture buying area BEFORE the locker area? I’m no engineer but even I can see the basic flaw in this layout.
It was hugely flawed!!
Don’t even get me started on the entire layout of Vegas in general.
Thus the world was denied peeking Liza and spillin’ breasts. Damn you Vegas!
Mark – you saw me perform at Summerfest, if I recall. There was quite a lot of boobalicious spillin’ oot in THAT show. I have the photos to prove it!!
It was hugely flawed!!
Don’t even get me started on the entire layout of Vegas in general.
Well any city that decides to expand itself by going one single direction (okay, we’re in the desert here… you can go any direction!!) AND, until recently (i.e. the last 15 years) expands on ONE SINGLE STREET can expect to be chastised by a girl that’s familiar with Chicago and NY….
Sorry, JFH, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how they no longer let you walk on the streets – or they actively discourage you from doing so – the entire place is designed to keep you inside. So you cannot get from a to b without going thru a casino. I have been to Vegas before – years ago – and it has changed since then. Well, first of all, it’s now just a big mall filled with badly dressed obese people and children are running around. So there’s THAT. But I’m talking about how circuitous everything is.
They make things as circuitous as possible so that you cannot leave, you do not know where the exits are, and once you are outside, it is so confusing that there is nothing to do but go back inside again.
I resented it.
Let me CHOOSE whether or not I want to go in this or that place.
Sheila, they’ve been doing that since the Strip was created; obviously they’ve raised it to an art form (I haven’t been there in five years and then it was in a conference where I barely got out of the htoel)….
Completely OT, since I had a consulting gig in Detroit and missed the finale of Project Runway… I STILL THINK JEFFREY CHEATED (… oh and I think my wife hates you for getting me sucked into this show)
JFH –
It has definitely intensified since the last time I was there). I went there with my boyfriend and I remember spending most of our time outside, strolling up and down, going into casinos, coming out, stopping off in bars, leaving, going back into casinos …
Now it’s just one big mall. You can’t go from A to B. In order to get to the train you have to go right, then left, then up, then down, then circle around, then up, then down … It’s fucking bullshit. I’ll complain about it even though I’m just “a girl used to NY and Chicago”. (By the way, that is totally an inaccurate assessment of who I am. Or … it’s way too general, dude. Come on – don’t do that to me, it’s not fair. I have lived in all kinds of places, country, city, small cities, farmlands, metropolitans, suburbs.)
Oh and bummer – my TV is on the fritz. I have to buy a new one – but I can’t afford it right now. Everything went into this last trip last week – so no TV!! No Project Runway! You have taken this obsession and RUN with it! Go!! I am bummed that Jeffrey won – but please realize that I ahven’t seen it in WEEKS. It is just based on his obnoxious personality.
And I have no doubt he cheated … but Keith got kicked off for cheating, right? And Jeffrey gets a pass? That’s lame!!
Well, they supposedly checked out Jeffrey thoroughly, and there was no cheating. And I DID like his line. Even though I do not like him so much. But his stuff was great. And Uli. I love her stuff. It could have gone either way. I can’t stand it when you don’t like a person, but you have to admit their talent. Jeffrey is good. Give the ink-neck that, man. Give him that.
As I recall – I love Uli’s stuff too. Bummed I missed the whole dern season!
Hey, girl – I’m coming home this weekend. Taking the bus on Saturday … we still on for Saturday??
I miss you, hon.