Dating advice

Yet again there’s a post at Progressive Boink that shows why it is one of the best sites on the web. I cannot stop laughing.

There’s some “Dating IQ” quiz that “Bill” takes … and he analyzes not only the questions, but his own answers to said quiz.

Example:

Listen: Call her after three days. Talk ten minutes, then tell her there’s a Price is Right you want to see coming on and hang up. This lets her know that she ranks just below daytime TV in your mind. If you can work something into the phone call about thinking she’s kind of ugly, all the better. Two days after that, call back and tell her you’ve got nothing better to do so you want to take her out. Let the awkward silence as she waits for you to say where fill the air between you and begin to crush her spirit. You don’t want her getting too feisty. When she starts to make her own suggestion, cut in and tell her that you’re going to a bar called Skeeter’s that is actually just open pallets of warm beer in an abandoned warehouse out by the pier where those murders happened. Casually warn her that you will cut and run without her if a knife fight breaks out.

She is an attractive woman who could possibly be moderately discerning about who she dates, so you’ve really got to beat that sense of entitlement out of her. You may be short, fat and bald, but you’re short, fat and bald that she can’t have, and that’s going to drive her nuts. Let’s be honest, you’re clearly the best thing that has happened to this woman. Make her work for it.

Then fall in love.

But there is so much that is funny and insightful (and TRUE!!) in that post. I love, too, how he adds his own answer to the quiz question he’s eviscerating – something about: what do you do if she doesn’t return your repetitive phone calls:

E. Lock yourself in the closet sobbing openly while listening to Bonnie Raitt’s I Can’t Make You Love Me set to repeat on your iPod

And then – beautifully – he ends up giving some lovely advice at the end.

Anyway, read the whole glorious thing