In April alone, I have:

— 2 press screenings of new films, with reviews to write
— flow of writing submissions to magazines and journals (nobody biting yet, damn them all to hell)
— brunch with agent
— mixer at the 92nd Street Y
— book-launch at Trinidadian embassy, with Ye Olde Trinidadian friend whose company continues to be a source of comfort and lowering blood pressure in my life

I look at that list and I wonder why I insist on believing that I have “nothing” going on. Why I feel paralyzed sometimes by the thought that I am a failure. Why I can’t see the larger picture, and accept it for what it is. As something good.

Then there was a glorious sleepover last Saturday with Allison. We re-connected and caught up, and I realized, for the 100th time, how much she means to me.

Last week I had a long wonderful dinner with Ted at Cafe Noir, with tapas, wine, talk talk talk.

A couple days ago my mother gave me a pep talk using the phrase “Because he MUST” from Blast From the Past, a favorite of mine – for more reasons than one.

This Friday I have my women’s group. We haven’t met in a couple of months. It will be so good to see everyone.

My parents stayed up until midnight (unhead of) watching Slings & Arrows: The Complete Collection that I sent to them. I’m so happy they like it!

In the last week I have gotten kind and loving emails from both of my sisters, and had a nice phone conversation with my brother. I am blessed.

So “April is the cruellest month”? Yes, perhaps it is. I would say every month has the potential to be the cruellest. But I step back a bit and look (not at how I FEEL, but at what I am DOING) … I can see that it is good.