I drove over the George Washington Bridge yesterday and shot the following photo which I guess I should have posted for Presidents Day but I have no sense of time right now – for example, I think today is Wednesday, and it also feels like mid-January to me. I am discombobbled. But anyway, I took the picture because I think it looks cool and it’s also fun to take photos as you are driving over an enormous bridge.
I also snapped a photo of myself while driving and I post it because it makes me believe that the South Beach diet is working and I need all the confidence I can get.
So happy Presidents Day. And happy South Beach.
GWB + FLAG = PRESIDENTS DAY
ME LOOKING THINNER TO MY OWN EYES FROM SOUTH BEACH
One of my goals right now is to make this place as unwelcome as possible to the people who feel it necessary to write me mean emails that start with douchebag-infested sentences like, “Listen, let me tell you what men are like, since you seem to think you’re so smart …” Or “I look forward to when the whole TMI thing ends on your blog and you get back to real content.” I have written before about my contempt for those who are all freaked out by “TMI” (which, to those people, really is just … anything personal .. at all). Now – the question of why such people would continue to read MY blog says more about their psychologies than my own deficiencies. Besides, if I feel like posting a picture of Hope every day, I will. I’m not doing this for money. I’m not trying to be important or relevant. What kind of blog did they think they were reading? A blog devoted to herb gardens? To the intricacies of power politics in Washington? To taking down the liberal MSM? Where exactly do you think you are on the Internet? And my contrary nature just loves a challenge, especially if you are a douche to me in an email. The more you bitch about TMI, the more I will post pictures of myself, and my apartment, and my cat. The more you bitch about how stupid women are, the girlier and girlier my posts will become. Because I know the truth. I know who I am. I am not looking for acceptance or love here. I already have that in my life. I have been trying to survive. That’s all. Focusing on self and home and family and photos is how I have been surviving.
To those of you who go with me on whatever journey I want to go on – thank you … your beauty and openness as readers is NOT ignored by me.
It also must be said that over the last month or two, I have received some of the nicest emails I have ever gotten in the history of my site. Some from total strangers – who just want to thank me, or share a little bit of themselves – some from people I already know a little bit. The mean emails do not overtake the nice ones – but boy, the mean ones have been really mean lately. Must be pushing some buttons. Poor big tough guys being forced to read a girlie blog! Because yeah, you know how you are FORCED to read certain blogs? I hate it when that happens.
And so the fun and fizzy and “go with it” adolescent energy of the Ben Marley posts have really brought me through a rough week, and it’s been great. (The mania is spreading, too, which I love.)
So. South Beach Diet.
I am still loving it. I have not had a piece of bread in almost three weeks now, and I’m not sure, but I think that has made the difference in my overall weight. That’s my guess. I miss bread, yes, but I’ve got momentum now and I’m not going back.
I am enjoying making oven-roasted vegetables for snacks – sprinkled with kosher salt – and I made a really good chicken-pistachio salad last week. I make yummy omelettes in the morning, with egg substitute mainly … and scallions and peppers and it’s just delish. Cooking in the morning is TOTALLY new for me. I’m a big cereal and yogurt kind of girl, but it’s really nice. I enjoy the ritual of it, and I enjoy switching it all up a bit.
I have not gotten on a scale, and I won’t … not yet. I need to get more into a groove, and not focus on the results so much. Just focus on health and diet and creating a routine. But I can see it in my face.
I have usually been so disappointed with myself when I try to diet. It’s never “stuck”. I either go totally anorexic, or do something half-assed. The South Beach diet is on my radar, it’s something I think about and consider – and for the first two weeks I really didn’t go out, which was good, because it helped me to get through that first detox, without complicating things in restaurants, etc. I hovered over my skillet at 6:30 a.m. and sometimes I found myself with tears dripping down my face.
It’s been a process.
I am unable to read right now, and while the writing is coming back a little bit (which it better be … I’ve got a lot of “book” things to do) – the reading isn’t really there yet. I decided, almost on a whim, to start South Beach. My friend David was doing it, and my sister Jean had done it, and I already had the book so one morning I just started.
I’m on week three now. It’s not been easy at times and there was once when I had to forcibly propel myself away from the bread aisle at the supermarket, because I felt like I would literally kill somebody for a loaf of bread. But it’s helped focus me, and given me a project, something engrossing … it’s changed my routine in an enormous way, and at the same time, it’s been gentle, and slow-going. I try not to get freaked out. I try to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t get too far ahead of myself. Don’t think about my bikini. Just think about getting more scallions, and also the ginger-orange chicken I’m going to make tonight. That’s as far ahead as I can go.
And if I cook and cry, then I cook and cry.
I love the South Beach book, too. I am eating healthier than I have in a long long time, and am finding snacks and things that really work for me.
This is a revelation. I am so used to being disappointed in myself, and not being able to stick with something. But I have a lot of support – friends, my mother – and so it’s happening, it’s really happening … and I’m very grateful for it.
Oh, and also proud of myself.
I’m proud that I have done this. I’m proud that I have gotten this far.
Sheila, I’m with you wherever you go, whatever you do, every step of the way.
May the love and humanity that pours forth from your writing and photos come back to you a thousand times over. All my best.
And you should be proud!! That you can use your energy to do something to take care of yourself, one day at a time, a project, something that anchors you in these stormy times. Do what you have to do, what is necessary for you. You have to give no explanations to anybody!
I’ve also taken up a project, as I have become slow and distracted in my reading, it’s long to explain, but is helping me a lot. And yes, sometimes I am right into the “project” and crying all the while, but well, the dam opens and you can’t keep it closed. Let it flow…
As for the girly stuff – I COVET your green scarf!! That color looks great on you, Sheila!
BTW, what does TMI mean? I can’t believe you get that type of mail, why all the meanness?? What is it with some people??? They should really, really get a life one of these days, seeing as they seem to be so clever…
Thanks guys. I’ve always gotten random mean emails – all from men, who drip with contempt for women who write, uhm, freely and openly … or whatever their problem is – it’s very strange.
Ceci – I love the scarf, too!
For Christmas, my mother gave me and my sisters all that same scarf but in different colors. There was one moment when we were all home at the same time, and we all had our multicolored scarves wrapped around our necks, and Mum said, “Well. I guess THAT present was a good idea.”
And about your project: I am very glad you are also working on something. It is strange, isn’t it, to find that your pacing is off … that’s how it’s been for me. Everything is taking me much longer these days and I’m not used to it, trying to be gentle, and just focusing on cooking my meals and all that.
Just putting this out there- Love your girly stuff, Love your South Beach stuff, Love your Hope stuff, Love your apartment stuff, LOVE.IT.ALL.
I will drop kick whatever dickwad is being mean to you. I’m dead serious.
Oh, and Ceci – “TMI” stands for “Too Much Information” – basically when someone over-shares and tells you too much information about themselves, but I find the “TMI” thing is very over-used now – and in especially inappropriate places, like in response to my blog, which is a personal website, NOT a newspaper or a political magazine or even an op-ed column.
If I write about kissing a boyfriend and someone responds, “Woah, TMI” – that tells me that they do not know where they are on the Internet. It happens all the time, though.
Bizarre.
Beth – hee hee
One more mean email and I’m going to start to write in detail about my menstrual cycle. Just to piss the poor dears off even more!
I agree with others that I enjoy reading personal things on your site. I love that you can switch from writing detailed accounts on Alexander Hamilton and then switch to joking about ANTM and your cat. It’s what makes you special and what keeps us coming back for more. Don’t ever change! :)
Thanks for the explanation about TMI, Sheila. I suppose that when you read a PERSONAL blog you might get PERSONAL information about the PERSON who writes it. But maybe I am dumb, whereas these idiots know something I don’t… You know, that menstrual cycle idea doesn’t sound all that bad, now that you mention it, hehehe…
You are right about the change of pacing; my feeling (I haven’t gotten over it yet) is that every day is too damn long! It just does never END!! So I’m sitting at my desk in the office, working as if nothing had ever happened, and watch the stupid clock on the computer screen and time just DOES NOT PASS! It’s so weird. And I am slow too… maybe from exhaustion, maybe from taking the time to just rebuild myself, to find a “normal” life again. Maybe a vacation will help? I’ll be taking a trip to Patagonia at the end of March. We’ll see how that goes! I hope this isn’t too much information for some dudes to deal with??? :P
Oh, and your mom has very good taste in scarves, I must say!! :)
Sheila: I think you’re one of the coolest writers/bloggers/interwebbers/what-have-you. I haven’t been where you’ve been, but that’s the fun part of reading about your experiences. I’m not dramatic or “arty” or particularly intuitive, and so that’s what I love to read your blog for! You have changed my life and whole worldview with some of your posts by opening up yourself like that, and I cannot get enough of your “old Hollywood” movie posts. I will actually watch a movie on TCM and then come here “to see if Sheila wrote anything” about it. Also, I so admire people who can spill their emotions in word, and while I may not have experienced anything similar (or maybe I have), I can be there with you and have the same experience just by reading your words. And on top of that, you seem like a kind person, a simple but rare quality these days. And on top of THAT, anyone who loves their pet the way you do is all right in my book. So anyway, keep on doing what you are doing. I kind of have a girl-crush on you, ha ha!
What is a personal blog,
other than an assemblage of
personal information of various sorts?
So, what, there’s too much information here?
Are the trolls mad at you for being prolific?
Or are they mad because they can’t stop themselves
from reading you?
“Can’t…look away…I DO love girly stuff…No…
no… She must be stopped!”
I miss bread, yes, but I’ve got momentum now and I’m not going back.
I was going to send you some sourdough starter, but I think maybe I oughtn’t.
How was I going to send it? Well, the Internet being a series of tubes, I thought I’d stick a good-sized glob to a lolcat along with detailed directions to your e-mail address.
your style continues to rock my socks off. and that’s a good thing!
Ken – hahahahahahahaha
You are evil!!!
Perhaps we can concoct an enormous calendar of the menstrual cycles of all the female commenters, and keep it permanently at the top of every page? This has made me furious. Perhaps Iâm over-identifying because I too am, as Ceci puts it, trying to ârebuild myself, to find a “normal” life againâ. The last thing anyone needs at a time like this is heckling from the peanut gallery. I know Iâm just a commenter on your blog, but Iâm completely willing to line up with Beth and punch on. I am so mad.
You should be proud of yourself, Sheila. I think youâre amazing, and I’m genuinely happy you have a project in your life that’s working for you right now. I LOVE this blog, and God knows, your eloquence, openness and willingness to introduce me to Ben Marley has helped me get through more than once during this endless time. Thank you.
roo – it is my belief since I get so many of these emails and have from the start of my blog, that it is the second. They get drawn in, and then remember that they are supposed to have contempt for “emotional” women, and lash out at me for drawing them in in the first place.
They read everything I write – which, you know, takes some time – and then send me mean emails that drip with misogyny. Very strange.
I am on some blog-rolls that I think are inappropriate for who I am – but I have also always been proud and happy that I attract all kinds …Because of my ban on political talk you would never know the “beliefs” of most of the people who comment here – I’ve got right-wingers and flat-out Socialists – but everyone comes here and talks about movies, and it’s wonderful!!
But I do think some people click over from those blog-rolls and might be a little bit surprised at what they find … and instead of going, “Huh, here’s something different” they go, “WHO does this woman THINK SHE IS??”
It’s so ridiculous!!
Oh, and I just finished my menstrual cycle. It was a bad one, and I was quite miserable. But it’s over now!
Anyone else?
I got a incipient (and possibly evil) sinus infection. Does that count?
That’s worse!!
My menstrual cycle is about to begin… it would account for my excessive sensitivity these days. I bet tomorrow or the day after it will be here to accompany me the following 5 days… hehehe :D
hahaha
Menstruation in the Americas, North and South … all going on as planned!
My menstrual cyle,
my boobs,
my boyfriend,
my pap smear,
my mammogram, et al.
Google that smarties.
Oh and Sheila, I am so, so proud of you. I have a feeling this is going to change your life. Keep grilling that orange chicken baby! Lots of love to you and your cycle.
xxoo