“It’s a quasi-dystopian universe.”
“The leader of the group then tried to hug him into submission and he shrank into a fat Mexican.”
“Say goodbye to cousin Sheila, Seamus!”
“BREAK A LEG!”
“My needs as a woman are simple and biological. I would like to have a penis on a regular basis and perhaps a child.”
“Big Papi’s losin’ it.”
“There’s a hegemony.”
“A what, Cash?”
“Everything is one.”
“Oh, Okay.”
“Nobody holds hands anymore. And everyone has Brazilians. I just don’t fit in.”
“You drove the Volvo yesterday, right?”
“The black one?”
Long pause full of scorn.
“I’m at the point where I don’t want to know what anyone does. Like, don’t tell me you use anal beads on your wife, okay? I don’t want to hear it.”
“You have to know it has taken an act of superhuman strength for me not to write about all of this.”
“Really?”
“Dude, are you kidding me? Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?”
“Really?”
“Please tell me you’re not a tax accountant.”
“Meanwhile you’re just pissed off that you don’t have a hickey.”
“I really like Star Trek, but I don’t want to be a Trekkie. I am going to try really hard to not go down that path.”
“It’s okay, Cash. You have a family who loves you. We won’t let you.”
“You literally cannot stump Seamus with Simon Says. It’s amazing.” (it really was.)
“Julio Lugo is spending way too much time at his tango academy. We warned him that this could be a problem.”
“No. We do not put stickers on each other’s private parts.” (this is akin to Jean Kerr’s dictum “please don’t eat the daisies”)
“Can you just drop me off at Pavilions?”
“What? No, we’ll wait and drive you home.”
“Oh, please, I know I’m so weird, but no, please just drop me off.”
“Uhm … okay …”
“I just want to stroll the aisles and get Chex Mix and Ginger Ale in peace.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“Please?”
“Hi, Uncle Sheila!”
“Hi, Uncle Sheila!”
Falling out of my chair with a fit of giggles. Best way ever to start the day. Thank you.
Marisa – it was sooo cute and totally spontaneous!
/”Nobody holds hands anymore. And everyone has Brazilians. I just don’t fit in.”/
Hahahahahaha.
I hold hands. And I don’t have a Brazilian. So we both don’t fit in. Wah. Let’s just hold each other’s hand.
Also, Cashel seriously contemplating how he DOESN’T want to go down the Trekkie path. Hahahahaha.
hahahaha
Yay!!! There are more of us.
We should create secret codes so we can recognize one another on the street.
I know! And we were driving on Wilshire – I was driving, and he was in the backseat – and I couldn’t see him in the rear view mirror – so that comment just came to me through thin air. It was just the best.
Tracey – Awesome. I can see it now, I want to start saying to people, “Do you have a Brazilian? Oh, good. Me either. Let’s hold hands.” …This is FAR funnier to me than it should be.
I’ve never been to LA, but I have a good friend that lives there, and the comment about hand-holding and Brazilians is making me shake with silent laughter because that sounds exactly like one of her observations.
I also like the idea that everything is a hegemony.
ricki – my comment was actually about the social scene in Hoboken, not LA. It’s a pandemic.
Marisa – hahahaha
“Brazilian, yes or no. It is crucial that I get an answer.”
“Yes.”
“Sorry. No hand-holding for you.”
Oh wow, HOW did he know the word ‘hegemony’?! That’s amazing! And adorable.
Thankfully, though, I seem to attract misfit-men as well, who don’t flip out that, you know, women have pubic hair.
Christ.
There are many benefits to being in an older demographic!!
Catherine – I know. It was soooo awesome.
“You drove the Volvo yesterday, right?”
“The black one?”
Long pause full of scorn.
Hahahahaha!
You know… for most of this conversation, I honsetly thought that “Brazilian” referred to an actual person born in Brazil.
The “long pause full of scorn” got me, too. I can only imagine the look that went with it.
I can’t tell you how happy it made me to know Cashel is using the word “hegemony.” I really, really like that kid.
One other thing. I’m at work, so I have to be discreet in my comments, but the whole Brazilian thing?–it’s more than a little bizarre and creepy that a whole generation seems to have adopted that as a norm. There are all kinds of strange undercurrents to that trend. The simple act of holding hands can be quite profound and comforting, and it can nurture connections that more “obvious” acts might not.
I refuse to succumb to the neurosis of that trend! I will find a man who has not succumbed to the neurosis of that trend!
Like I said in my post on the subject: I do not judge Brazilians in and of themselves, and have gotten one from time to time, just for kicks. It’s the surrounding energy that women are not supposed to have hair in that place that I find deeply disgusting – and it almost verges on a dealbreaker.
First date conversation:
“Would you care for dessert?”
“Sure – but lemme ask you something first. What is your position on women’s pubic hair?”
“Uhm …”
“Everything rides on how you answer, so just relax.”
Not even kidding.
It’s like someone being a dick to a waiter. It pretty much tells me all I need to know.
This goes further than “preference” and into deep fear and loathing of the female body as it already is naturally – and I just flat out find that energy toxic, and actively avoid it.
DBW – I know! Hegemony!!
So so awesome!
Oh, and the “quasi-dystopian” quote was Cashel’s as well.
I love that it was QUASI dystopian. Not ENTIRELY dystopian. Only QUASI.
I love words, so I think his vocabulary is fantastic. But, it might be a bit itimidating. Eventually, he’s going to get to a word the definition of which I don’t know. “Quasi-dystopian,” indeed. That just cracks me up.
Marisa — Actually, let’s do that. I seriously want to incorporate that into my daily life. You know, my quasi-dystopian universe.
ummmm…i rec’vd no e-mail…and im freaking out!
I think this is a good plan.
Also, apparently I still had “Hi, Uncle Sheila!” on my clipboard and this resulted in accidentally pasting it as the name of a mix CD I’m working on. I’m considering keeping it. Excellent album name.
Mitchell – it’s really beyond email at this point. Also, everything has kind of changed. I need to walk you through it.
can we talk tomorrow???
DBW – //Eventually, he’s going to get to a word the definition of which I don’t know.//
I know! I was barely there with him with “hegemony”!!
Regarding the “Look of Scorn.” The Dictionary defines scorn as “The feeling or belief that someone or something is worthless or despicable. Now, let’s be clear. This was not scorn. The so-called “Look of Scorn” was really a look of disbelief that a person who has devoted her life to reading and writing could drive a car for two hours and not read the word written on the center of the steering wheel that read “Volvo.” In retrospect, I applaud you for keeping your eyes on the road…
HAHAHAHAHA
I am laughing, Mike, remembering your imitation of me trying to take down directions to go pick up Brendan. hahahahaha
Okay, Mike, thanks for the clarification. See, I thought it meant that Sheila was at a two Volvo household(not necessarily yours). That’s not the end of the world, and if I was married and my wife wanted a Volvo, that’s fine. Me? I would never have TWO Volvos, as there are certain friends who have thankfully agreed to hunt me down and kill me should I fall to that state. :)