Barring any unforeseen circumstances, like the people involved booking a part in a Michael Mann movie or something, I will be out in Los Angeles next week for the shoot of a short film, written by yours truly. It’s part of a larger script I’ve written, the one which (so far) has had a workshop in LA, a reading in Chicago, and two readings in New York, one small and one enormous. We’re filming one scene from it (ironically, the first scene I wrote, although it comes third in the scene line-up in the full script: this scene was originally meant to be a short film or a one-act – it was only when the first reading of it went so well that I decided to expand it into full-length). This all has happened very quickly, and I haven’t had time to process, maybe a good thing.
I won’t mention specific names until it’s actually in the can, as it were. But we have an executive producer, a couple of regular producers, an ambitious talented director who is passionate about the script and about the project, a super-talented cinematographer, and two phenomenal actors. The actors are busy busy busy, they work all the time, but they responded to the script and want to do it. Actors, man. They like working. I am more pleased than I can say that these two people would read what I wrote and decide to do it. The first table-read of the script is tonight, out in Los Angeles, and I’m Skyping into it, even though I have no idea how to do that, yet. Next week is the second table-read, which I will be there for, and then the shoot. They’re location-scouting now. Getting two people into a room at the same time is difficult, let alone an entire small movie crew in an industry town where jobs that PAY beckon. So there’s still some uncertainty, but at this point: July and Half of August is a GO.
My script is precious to me, it has brought me so much good fortune and when I re-read it I can’t believe I wrote it. Not that it’s so awesome but that it’s so clear in its sense of despair, and it came out of a very specific 2009 mindset when I had less distance from Bad Things. I wrote it in the thick of the Bad. It was a blast, at times the only thing I looked forward to during the day, writing about those two wackos trying to work shit out. I probably wouldn’t write it now. But still, letting this thing go – letting other people work on it, letting other people share their input, their take – is what I want, what I hope for. It doesn’t come without its anxieties! It feels like I am watching my child get on the schoolbus for the first time. I feel protective. Like, what if the director wants to futz with it too much, and, for example, put cartoon thought-bubbles outside the character’s heads? You know, like totally over-produce it, and try to be clever and innovative or whatever. What if he thinks the tone should be that of a Judd Apatow film? These were all the cartoon thought-bubbles that raced outside my head before I actually spoke with the director. I did not know the director before this. This whole situation came out of my script being passed around by people who know it, people who love it. The stars aligned, in other words. “Hey, I’m looking for a project …” “Whaddya know, here’s this great script in my back pocket …” But now I feel like I know the director intimately because we’ve talked on the phone every day for the past month. He GETS my script, he relates to it, he’s passionate about it, we are TOTALLY on the same page with it. I haven’t had to explain myself. He gets it already. It’s an ideal situation.
And so now I am just copied on emails. Everyone talking about permits and crew and lighting packages and locations … this very small crew of people moving into position. It’s so impressive to witness: there’s all the talk, and then eventually you have to act, and once everyone decides to act at the same time, stuff starts moving FAST. There’s sometimes a weird dissociative feeling because everyone is talking about these two characters as though they actually exist. But they’re just two people I made up. So to hear someone I don’t know say, “I’m thinking of so-and-so for Jack …” Like, Jack is off the page now. He’s up and out there in the world. It’s weird and wonderful. And now, he is no longer mine. He will belong to the actor playing him. The same with Neve. Neve doesn’t belong to me now, she belongs to the actress playing her, the actress studying the script right now.
It’s a grand adventure. I’m not young. It’s exciting to have brand-new experiences, shit you’ve never done before, shit you’ve never gone through before, when you are not young. I won’t say it’s not nerve-wracking, because it is, but it’s also awesome. I am filled with a sense of gratitude towards every single person out there who loves my script, who has backed it, hustled it for me, passed it around, made shit happen for it. That includes every actor who has played the roles thus far: my cousin Mike and Missy Yager in the very first reading in Los Angeles, David Wagner and Jennifer McCabe at the first small reading in New York, Peter Giles and Rebecca Creskoff at the big workshop we did in Los Angeles, Jeff Christian and Amy Carle at the reading in Chicago, and Kerry O’Malley and Aaron Mathias at the huge New York reading at the Vineyard. Every single actor takes what I wrote and puts their own stuff into it. They LIVE it. They show me new things. They do what they need to do to make it come alive. It’s incredibly humbling to watch that all go down. Like, I can’t even describe it.
There are still so many variables, still so much that needs to fall into place before we actually start filming. I’ll actually believe it’s happening when I arrive at the location on the first day.
Here is what you wish for, as a writer: You write in isolation. You have an idea, or, for me, it was just an opening line, the opening line of the scene we’re going to film. I heard that opening line and then wanted to hear what the response was. I didn’t know who the two people were, or what their backstory was, but I wanted to discover what happened. That’s why I wrote it. The writing process is isolating, and it’s even more strange to write a script in isolation because a script requires VOICES, it requires people to make it happen. Once that first reading happened in Los Angeles, I knew I wanted to continue, and write the rest of it. The full script was completed in 2010. Then came the long hard push, to organize the workshop in LA, and then the reading in Chicago, and then the huge reading in New York. I have representation now, and my agent certainly helped with the momentum after all of that, getting me meetings, hustling my script. But for a while there (the last year or so) the sense of organic momentum was lost. I knew it would take some huge PUSH again. So I started pushing. And others started pushing. And here’s what I set out to say: it is when OTHERS start pushing, that things start REALLY happening. And momentum starts to gain on its own. It’s a strange change in atmosphere, and you can almost feel it happening: events starting to build, and you have almost no part in it anymore. You are not the generator of momentum anymore. The REAL momentum required on my part was to finish the damn script. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t written the thing. And now … I’m copied on emails, as people pass around pictures about possible locations. The thing itself has momentum now. It is its own organism. I do try to take a moment or two to realize, Sheila, this is what you’ve been hoping for. Here it is. Look at how you don’t have to DO anything anymore except … show up.
I’ve booked my ticket out, a leap of faith that yes, we will be filming next week, and the stars will align yet again to get this thing done.
Congratulations, Sheila! It must be truly joyous to hear and see your characters brought to life. To have someone get your words and intent.
And, yes, I can relate to your “not young’ comment and having new experiences, new stuff to learn, it’s motivational.
I wish you, and your film, cast and crew, all the best!
Bainer – thank you so much!!
I’m not a particularly positive or optimistic person – so it’s always a good reminder that we are never done in life. There is always more to be experienced, more to learn!
I’m scared, but I cannot WAIT for the next couple of weeks!
Thanks again!
Go West! YAYYYY!!!!
Such exciting news. So glad you were able to push this project forward again. That others have joined in the push is a testament to your work.
It will be fabulous, in all manner of ways.
Helena – thank you!!
It’s kind of a relief to not be Lead Dog. I still have stuff I need to do, but other people are in charge now. It’s kind of hilarious and weird. But very very welcome!
This is so exciting!
Thank you for sharing it a little bit with us. And congratulations!
Lyrie – thank you so much!!
I’ll feel much more free to talk about it once the shooting is over with. I’m sure there will be lots of great stories.
Thanks again!
I am *thrilled* for you, and so excited! I can’t wait to see it.
What a wonderful, well-deserved Thing! I’ve always found your writing to be eloquent and captivating — can’t imagine what your work will do to me (to all of us) in this new medium!
YAY! And congrats, Sheila!
(And since I didn’t use enough of these in the comment: !!!!!!)
Thanks so much, rae!
YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations Sheila, I’m so excited for you!
Thanks so much, Todd!
I am SO SO SO happy for you Sheila!
You are an amazing writer and deserve this to be a mega huge success. Enjoy your time in LA and bask in your glory knowing that you deserve it.
Sabina xx
Sabina – so nice, thank you so much!!
Sheila! I echo everyone above, Yes! Go West! Go Sheila! Congratulations and thanks for sharing this wonderful, well deserved, exciting news! Have fun out there!
Regina – thank you, friend!!
It’s going to be a blast. Also, family visits – my nephews, my cousins, my friend Alex – I don’t get out to LA enough and I am really looking forward to it. It’s also nice to go because of a job, ya know what I mean?? :)
Thanks again!
Congratulations!!!!! How exciting, I can’t wait until we hear more!!!
Have fun in LA!
Thank you, Rije !
I can’t wait for it all to be over with so I can then look back on it and reminisce. :)
I’ll share stories and pics once the whole thing is a done deal and I can relax about it.
Thanks again!
Wonderful news, Sheila!
Thank you, Sylvia!
I’ve posted so infrequently here (as opposed to just reading, which I do recently) that I don’t even know what I last posted under haha. But this is worth delurking for. I’m really really excited for you!!! Also, after reading about this script for however long you’ve been posting about it, 5 or 6 years, I’m selfishly delighted there’s a chance I may get to finally see what you wrote!
Myrtle – so nice, thank you! Yes, it’s been years I’ve been talking about this thing. Really good perspective on how long it takes to get anything moving.
Will keep people posted as we move forward. And thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it!
Congratulations! It sounds like things have come together in a glorious way. I bet it will be an exciting experience. Wahoo!
Thank you! Can’t wait! Kinda nice to see what actors bring to it – it’s always fresh, something I couldn’t have thought of myself.
When this old hippie lite reads this wonderful news, the old hippie word popping into his head is ‘sweet!’
Thanks so much, hippie!!!
Congratulations!
This is so well-deserved.
Thank you, Dan!!
Sheila,
That’s tremendous news and happy for you that your persistence, dedication and creative vision have paid off (so far…no need to jinx anything). I am reminded of a postcard I have up in my study with a saying from Goethe that is very apt for the moment: “Whatever you dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now” . More power to you for taking the leap and believing in the possibility. hope it goes well. John
John – what a beautiful quote from Goethe. Thank you!
This has been a very good lesson in persistence!
Love Happy Joy Greatness Satisfaction Talent Work Art – So Proud – please give Alex a hug from me! I love you – XXX – Stevie
xoxoxo Stevie.
I’m staying with Alex and Chrisanne for the first leg of my trip. Can’t WAIT.
Maybe we’ll try to infiltrate Scientology again. You know, because that’s what we can’t help doing when we’re together. That, and watch re-runs of the Glenn Beck show which Alex has DVR-ed. We watch and analyze his “performance,” pausing to discuss his choices. The last time she came and stayed with me, I was working in one room, and she was sitting on my bed in the other room, and I heard a Glenn Beck clip emanating through the air.
I was like, “You’re insane.”
She called to me from the other room, “He is so riveting. I can’t stop.”
Anyway, whatever we do, it will be wonderful. I haven’t seen her in two years. WAY TOO LONG.
xoxoxoxo
So excited for you, Sheila!
It must be so satisfying to see your words come to life like that. I am so looking forward to the stories you’ll share with us about the filming. Looking out my office window at the snow that’s been falling all day, I’m envying you the trip to LA for more than one reason. I hope you have fun. I hope you enjoy every part of it.
And I liked the quote John put in his comment. I copied it for further reflection.
alison –
Thank you so much! I love Los Angeles and am really looking forward to the warm weather too. A bit of a break.
Thanks for the support!
longtime lurker and occasional commentator – best of luck – enjoy the ride – it will take you where it takes you and it takes no small amount of guts to jump on –
kevin – Thank you so much!! Exciting times !
Congrats, Sheila! No one deserves it more than you.
Aw, Anne, thanks.
Congratulations! Wonderful news….. Been lurking here for a long time and want to wish you all the best.
Mary – thank you so much!!
Mazel tov, Sheila! I can’t wait to see it. So inspiring to see good work bear fruit, especially when there’s been a wait. Thanks for letting us know – it brings some much-needed hope and light.
Amy – Thank you!
I can’t wait to see it too! :)
Our first rehearsal two nights ago gave me goosebumps. These actors …. Oh my God.
It’s a great team!
Wow and congratulations, my face hurts from smiling all day! Do they still say, “you go girl”? Well if they don’t, I do.
Phil!!! Thanks!!
SO excited and happy and joyful for you, Sheila, and so very proud of and always inspired by you, my friend. :)
Jayne!!! Thank you thank you. xoxo
This is part of why I love ya and always root for you–if art were sport, you would be My Team. Here I am stupidly excited, and you take right out of my head what would be my worst nightmare, were I ever in such a position, and get straight to killing me. (Not that Judd Apatow is capital-b Bad, objectively; just that I’ve read your talk about this project, what it’s about, how it came about, what it means to you–and it seems to me, from that, that his usual tone would not work for your baby. You know?)
Sheila, break a leg! Surely Elvis would want the best for you. You are always TCB! So happy it’s all going-going-going. Safe travels and best wishes. Enjoy LA!
Ilyka – hahahaha You rock, always love to hear from you.
Yeah, it’s a little relationship vignette – and I don’t want a Judd Apatow vibe anywhere near it!! It was my biggest fear, I’ll be honest. It’s a larger cultural issue – this toxic thing between men and women – but I’ve had many relationships where that toxic thing flat out doesn’t exist. And that’s what I want in the scene. There is conflict, and they argue, and it’s painful – but there isn’t that “God, women are such BORES” thing going on. There can’t be! These are two people who WANT to at least try and understand each other.
Anyway, not to worry. Our first rehearsal blew me away. They ran through the script three times, and the third time through I almost wish the camera had been rolling. Like – there it was. The scene I wrote. They’re practically ready to go. These actors are incredible.
So THANK YOU.
TCB! Yeah, baby!!
Fingers crossed!
Yes!
Here’s my comforting thought, and I mean that sincerely:
The momentum is such that even if for whatever reason I could not get out to LA next week – let’s say we have a blizzard, or I get hit by a falling icicle, whatever – even if I can’t be out there, the shoot would happen anyway.
It’s not all dependent on ME being the push-er anymore. It’s going to happen whether or not I am involved at all. I LOVE that, it’s what I’ve been working towards.
What FANTASTIC news. I’m just busting for you. Jack and Neve will always be yours to me….no matter what happens. And, of course, this means another two or three read-throughs. I’m not even sure which particular scene you are talking about, but I bet I know which one it is. Please enjoy this whole experience. You deserve it, dear Sheila. Damn, I am excited for you!
DBW – thank you!!! Very exciting.
It’s the bar scene which ends ….. badly. To put it mildly. The one where they have met up five years later.
I am trying to enjoy the whole experience!!
I said to a friend that I can’t wait for it to be all over so I can look back on it and reminisce fondly. Ha.
Humorously: it’s supposed to take place in a “local” – you know, the type of corner bar ubiquitous in Chicago. Usually with an Irish name.
It’s important to get the right location. And Los Angeles isn’t really a “local” type of town – so the director and cinematographer have been traveling around visiting bars for the last four days, sending me photos of the two of them sitting by a pool table, or belly up to the bar, just so I can get a look at the background and vibe. It’s been hilarious. Bar-hopping throughout the day, taking pictures of each other in different angles and texting them to me.
They have found some good locals!! Off the beaten path.
Whether or not we will be allowed to film in any of them is another story …
That’s the phase we’re at now. Location location location.
The whole thing sounds fascinating. Congratulations! I hope you have fun with it all.
KC – thanks so much!!
What a wonderful post to read! Congrats and well done on your hard work — have fun on the rollercoaster! Looking forward to hearing more and seeing the end result one day soon :-)
Jessie – Total roller coaster! It’s fun to work with people who mean business, who get down to business quickly and deeply.
WOOT! Congrats, Sheila! This is awesome news :-D
Oh May. The perfect gif which has made me laugh out loud.
Thank you!
All best wishes and success for this! Can’t wait to SEE it!
Machelle – ha. I know – I can’t wait to see it too. Thank you!!
This is FABULOUS news!! Good luck in LA!
Thank you, Maureen!
Congrats, Sheila! This is so amazing, and I really hope the completed film is something that you can be proud of writing.
Thank you, Dan!
I’m very proud of what I have written, I don’t mind saying. :)
I’m happy to hear that the rehearsal went so well. This sounds so exciting and gratifying. Good for you!
I am in love with these actors ! They came ready to play. Super smart, bold, they were prepared, both of them practically off book.
We are SO lucky to have got them both.
Oh, and I’ll just say this:
The actor is from Memphis. I mean, come on.
Just promise you’ll warn us if you enter a “no-blogging” zone….I’ll need time to prepare!..For now, I’ll just keep humming the Laverne and Shirley theme song! Truly, best of luck.
Thanks!!
I am woefully behind on reading your blog but I am so happy for you and just love the crap out of you!