Just found this very funny list about Roe Dylindaz. (Rhode Islanders… to the uninitiated.)
Half of these I do exhibit, although I am now in exile from my homeland.
Check out this post I wrote a while back about getting directions from a Rhode Islander. In it I say: Rhode Island is the kind of state where you ask for directions, and this is what someone will tell you: “Okay, so you go down this street and you take a right where the A&P used to be … then you stay on that road, and when you come to the end of it, take a left where the Bess Eaton used to be … and what you’re looking for is on Rt. 138 where that Tae Kwan Do studio used to be.” Rhode Islanders give directions based on things that USED to be there.
Well, one of the items on this “You know you’re from Rhode Island if…” list is:
You have used a demolished landmark such as ALMACS or Finast when giving directions.
Oh, I felt vindicated.
As I read the list, many many memories came to my mind:
— You own garden tools from Job Lot. (I have a watering can that I bought at Job Lot in Wakefield. Of course I do. Job Lot’s the best.)
— Your first live concert was at The Civic Center or Rocky Point. (The first concert I ever went to was Huey Lewis at the Civic Center – which is NO LONGER CALLED THE CIVIC CENTER – but just so you know: everybody in RI still calls it the Civic Center, and will, until the sun rises no more.)
— You still call the Rhode Island Mall the Midland Mall. (The RI Mall has not been “the Midland Mall” since I was in high school, many many years ago, but I still refer to it as “the Midland Mall” – and have to take a minute to remember the “new” name of it. “New” meaning something that is 20 years old.)
— You know what a burger “The Newport Creamery Way” is. (Ah, Newport Creamery – which has very recently closed its doors. It’s like a Friendly’s, but much friendlier, and VERY Rhode Island. They sell huge chocolate shakes called Awful Awfuls. My friends and I spent more time at Newport Creamery than we ever spent in the hallowed halls of high school. Newport Creamery also put us under a spell, which I will call “The Laughing Spell”. Any time we sat down to eat there, hilarity and hi-jinks ensued. So much so that we literally could not get ourselves together enough to order. The waitress would come over to our table, and we would collectively start howling with laughter. Another favorite Newport Creamery story is from my college years: a bitchy Newport Creamery waitress made the mistake of saying something bitchy to my already-very-bitchy friend Sue (I say that with love.) It became a bitch-fest, Rhode Island-style. Sue said, “I’d like to get the banana split with extra fudge, please.” The bitchy waitress said, “Uhm … that’s called a Double-Fudge-Ramalama Ding Dong.” (Or whatever. Basically, the waitress corrected Sue.) Sue gave her a withering glare and said, “I don’t care if it’s called Wannie on the Half-Shell. That’s what I want, bitch.” (Heads up: “Wannie” was one of our joke names for “vagina” in college.) We all BURST into laughter, and literally did not stop laughing until we left the restaurant. We were under the spell.
— You think vodka and Del’s is a great combination. (What – you’re gonna tell me it’s not??)
— You put vinegar on your french fries. (Of course I do. It is the only way to go. I never ever ever put ketchup on my fries. Only vinegar.)
— You can recognize a Cranston accent. (Not only can I recognize it, but I can do it to a T. In Cranston, all “r”s become “v”s: Cvanston Vho Diland = Cranston, Rhode Island.)
— You’ve eaten at Haven Brothers, drunk. (Yes, I have. Many many many many times. Haven Brothers is … well, God, it is actually hard to explain. It is late-night eatery on wheels in downtown Providence – and I don’t think anyone who is sober has ever eaten there.)
— You know what “ProJo” stands for. (The Providence Journal, of course.)
— You always start giving directions by saying, “Well, you get on 95.” (That is hilarious. I’m sorry, but it is. And so true. I would add to this: “You always start giving directions by saying, “So you pass the Dunkin Donuts, and then you get on 95…”)
— You know what Allie’s makes. (The best donuts in the world. Krispy Kreme’s are NOTHIN’ to Allie’s Donuts. Because there is now a freeway which bypasses the Allie’s Donuts road – thereby re-routing all the traffic – I am not sure of the fate of Allie’s. Do any of my friends who still live in RI know? My family and I used to stop at Allie’s on our way up to Massachusetts on Christmas, Easter, etc. It was always a huge treat. The donuts are twice as large as regular donuts – huge. And steaming hot from the oven, with the glazed sugar dripping off of them.)
— You know what a “package store” is. (When in the borders of the state of Rhode Island, I say, “We should go to the package store…” Or – no, that’s true. A true Rhode Island saying is: “Let’s do a packy run.” A PACKY RUN. Here in the Manhattan area, I just say “liquor store.” But I think “packy run” has a much better feel to it.)
— You’ve gone to Cumbie’s for milk or gas. (HAHAHAHA Cumbie’s!!)
— You know that there is never any school in Fosta-Glosta when it snows. (Okay, these are all such inside jokes – but I love them. “Fosta-Glosta” is the joined name of “Foster” and “Gloucester” said in Rhode Island accents – and whenever we, as children, would huddle by the radio on snowy mornings, waiting to hear if our school down in the south of the state would be canceled – the list of “snow day” schools ALWAYS began with “Fosta-Glosta”. The kids in “Fosta-Glosta” were so lucky. We envied them. We lived closer to the ocean down in our neck of the woods, so most of the time we had school since the snow invariably would turn to rain or mist. That is, except for in 1978.)
Anyway, there are more amusing things on this list … I especially like the running joke about getting your car mechanic to give you a new inspection sticker even though your car failed.
That is so true.
And now, gotta go do a packy run. I’m goin’ to a pahtee t’night.
Of course Allie’s is alive and kicking. Not only are they STILL the best donut place around, but their “seasonal coffees” rock (i.e. pumpkin spice in the fall. is there anything better than a homemade donut and hot coffee on a crisp autumn day?) Also, Sheila, did you know that Allie’s makes giant donut cakes? BIG,huge,donuts on steroids, dressed up with extra frosting and colored jimmies. Yum. They can do them for any occasion- birthdays, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, or just because you want to eat that much donut material.
Let’s go to Allie’s next time I’m home. I haven’t been there in years.
mmmmm pumpkin spice…
Re: Directions.
At least it’s not as bad as hearing “You’re from New Jersey? What exit?”
166, BTW.
Red,
You forgot:
“When you get to the traffic circle…”
Two personal RI favorites:
-The best red maple leaves on the planet in October.
-Pizza at “the Greeks”, URI – Kingston – probably long gone.
BF:
I grew up in Kingston! That’s my town. I believe The Greeks is long gone … Beth, can you comment??
I’m so excited – another Rhode Islander!
Um…..I am thinking that Kingston Pizza could be owned by a Greek. I believe it is two brothers that owned it, and as far as I know, still do. As far as pizza joints in Kingston go, before the Emporium, there was only Kingston Pizza, Del-Mor’s and a little further down the line, Tony’s. Unless, of course, you’re going WAY back to when the Union used to allow beer, so maybe there was something down there. Hmm- BF, care to add any more details about the Greeks??
Alas, I’m a native New Yawker…but I used to visit Kingston in my college days, that being 1972-1976. So we’re talking about Kingston during the Nixon/Ford administration. The Greeks was a pizza place almost on campus, as I remember – and yes, I seem to recall it being named such because it was owned by a Greek family who made wonderful, thick cheesy, small pies. It was back away from the dorms in a wooded area, but that’s about all the detail I can remember. I’ve been through the area a bunch of times over the years — and southern RI remains one of my favorite places. You’re lucky to have grown up there!
BF – Yes, that place is called Kingston Pizza. A bit off campus. I grew up during the Nixon/Ford administration – so that’s just about right. I went to URI myself – Kingston Pizza was our main source of nutrition – the Greeks would deliver to the dorms.
so cool to “meet” someone who knows the terrain of my home town.
I don’t think they delivered to the dorms back in ’74 – I’m pretty sure I would have opted for delivery…hard to believe that was 30 years ago.
A geology question to ponder:
Is it true that rock formations found in RI are identical to some in Africa?… Their having been connected eons before continental drift? I was told this, but that too was 30 years ago.
Good to “meet” a southern RIer as well. You’re the second. I once knew a girl from Warwick…and that’s no limerick…
BF
I wonder if it’s the same girl I knew from Warwick?
Warwick woman was last spotted in San Francisco, circa 1986. Was just a friend — she dated a guitar player/Philosophy major at URI – went their separate ways after graduation, but both ended up in different locals in Northern CA. She’s a sweet, gentle person — now about 48 years old — hope she’s well.
Happy New Year All
nope, too young…
It was a nice memory though.
The very elderly Greek lady at the pizza place used to come to church and throw money at my father – my dad told us (his children) that if we ever went into that pizza place and told the woman that we were his kids, we would be locked in our rooms for life. I also remember the time Beth’s sister Meredith met us in the Newport Creamery and had us crying with laughter with the story about the upper (or lower?)GI tests she had had to endure…
Bets – to this date, Meredith’s story is one of the funniest I have ever heard. I recall the words: “And then my asshole turned inside out…”
Oh my god – 10 years in the Middle East and all — I still passed that one with flying colors!
Oh, the nostalgia. No mention of Wes’s Ribs.
You know my first job was as a traffic reporter with Tony Dibiasio? And I worked at WJAR as an associate producer with Doug and Patrice.
There should be another list regarding all the new weird yuppie stuff that exists now, that people who grew up in RI have trouble dealing with — like Providence Place and Waterfire — I mean, geez, gondolas in downtown Providence….
How about Richard’s Pub? Or, in RI speak:
“Ritchedz Puhb”
I ate at Haven Brothers sober. That’s why I never went back. Without a doubt, it is best to be drunk when you eat there.
And how about those disgusting little flat-ended extruded things doused in industrial waste that Rhode ISlanders had the you-know-whats to call NEW YORK SYSTEM Weiners? As a transplanted New Yorker living in Rhode Island throughout the 1970s (I once offended a powerful shaman and my curse was to live in Rhode Island for a decade) I had a hell of a time convincing locals that the hot dogs or weiners sold in New York City bore no resemblance whatsoever to those tootsie roll-shaped plugs of God knows what.
I laugh now about Rhode Island and the desperate moments I had when people would offer me a couple of quahogs and a Naragansett or threaten to bring me a cabinet, but I had a good time there and still retain many good friends from that time and place. And like redheaded Sheila, the fun I poke rather mercilessly at Rhode Island IS affectionate.
Steffan Aletti
NY System Hot Weiners and other Rhode Island Favorites! http://www.pagesintime.com/ri
Did the quote” New York System” have anything to do with hot weiners in New York, or is it jut a name used in Rhode Island for hot weiners?