Queens With Crossbows

After some rumspringa, David drove me home. We had had a great time. As always. MAJOR conversation. Covering the highs, the lows, the literary conceits, the patterns, the frustrations, the nostalgia, the disappointments, the humor … of this thing we call life. My life is a literary conceit. It really is.

Anyway, David pulled onto my street, and we pulled up in front of my apartment building. We sat there talking for a second.

At the end of my street, which is a dead-end – I caught a glimpse of two figures. They were moving about … but in what seemed to me a rather aimless way. It was dark – so I couldn’t tell WHAT they were doing … but something about it seemed “off” to me.

And somehow – the way one of them was holding his arm – or maybe it was just a shadow – I don’t know – but I said to David … “Uhm … I’m not gonna get out of the car just yet to go in. I think that guy down there has a crossbow.”

I swear to God. I saw a crossbow. I saw two aimless shadows … one of whom was holding a crossbow. Which – I am sure you will agree – is a rather alarming image. You just don’t want to be wandering around your nice little neighborhood and run into some person wielding a crossbow. So … uhm … yeah. Let me stay in the car safe with David until they pass by.

David didn’t laugh – but he did squint down at the end of my street – saying … “Uh … crossbow?”

The crossbow men were obviously approaching. They were walking up the sidewalk. They were blocked from our view by the parked cars … but we could see their heads moving through the car windows … Here they come … Here they come …

And then … as they walked by …

We saw that they were two elderly gentlemen, obviously gay, and they had a dainty wee little poodle on a leash, going out for a late-night walk. Not only did they not have crossbows … but they looked like literally the most harmless people (and animal) on the face of the planet.

David and I just BURST into laughter … because we had been expecting to see … I don’t know what … but the expectation had been set up by my saying the word “crossbow” … And then who goes by? Two old queens with their fluffy little dog. We just were HOWLING.

David emails me today: “I feel pretty grateful for your friendship but even more grateful that I didn’t end up with an arrow shot through my sternum last night by that vicious gang of queens and their poodle! I don’t know where these people get their crossbows!”

Laughing out loud over here …