… which no one will get … because you cannot see me in my costume for my play …
But I do think that how a fellow actor described me in my costume will let you know exactly what I looked like.
My costume is great. It transforms me. I will not wow anyone with my beauty in this costume. I will not get any erotic notes from audience members passed to me backstage. No. But I’m not supposed to. Trying not to be vain about it is hard. I want to be PRETTY. But she’s not supposed to be. The costume is perfect. When I put it on, half my acting work is done for me.
Costumes are serious business. The shoes, the glasses, the rings to wear … important decisions made. So I’m in my costume. And I’m serious. I’m discussing the hem-length of my skirt. I am turning this way and that. I am putting my glasses on, taking my glasses off. I am trying out some of the movements I have to do in the play, to make sure the costume won’t give me any problems.
Another actor for the show walks in for his appointment. I really like this guy. Very nice, very funny.
But I didn’t know HOW funny until this moment.
He took one look at me and stated, “You look like the head of the Parapsychology department at Delaware State.”
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
He is so right that his words felt like a bolt from the divine blue.
“the head of the Parapsychology department at Delaware State …” WHAT?????
Don’t try to improve on it, people. You can’t improve perfection.
I need to go take another walk to guffaw out loud into the city streets.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Stevie – i know … i am weak from laughter …
Delaware State has a parapsychology department? And I thought I went to a whacked out school.
hahaha I think he just made it up.
It sounds funnier than “Columbia” or “Harvard” for some reason.
I have it on good authority that one Mr. P. Venkman flunked out of Delaware State’s prestigious parapsychology program, and had to transfer to lowly Columbia to complete his studies. ;-)
“I have degrees in parapsychology and psychology.”
“And so now you chase ghosts?”
I was gonna say, are you Ms Venkman then? LOL (Image of you as the female Ghostbusters Bill Murray is quite funny too)
Who you gonna call? LOL
I’m more hippie-ish than that. But a finicky type-A hippie – not a wild-haired VW bug hippie.
My costume would make me fit right at home in Sedona, if that helps.
I was wondering how long it would take for somebody to bring up Ghostbusters.
“A finicky type-A hippie”
Guffawing now. Totally know the type.
stevie –
hahahahahaha i knew you’d get it!!!
“which no one will get … because you cannot see me in my costume for my play …”
That’s what cameras were invented for.. dammit.. to share the joke.
true, pete, true … but I honestly think I’m too vain to post any photos of me dressed up as a finicky hippie from Sedona.
I picture a cross between Emma Thompson as Trewlany and Nancy Travis in Rose Red.
I actually don’t HAVE any photos at the moment …
I’m just saying.
You’ll have to use your imagination.
Here’s a snippet to get you started:
I wear wide-wale corduoroy CLOGS with Native American designs on them.
Trelawney is a good place to start – although I am not so new age-y or flowy.
I haven’t seen Rose Red!
Just looked up a picture of Nancy Travis – and no, that’s not it. I’m frumpier. I will be wearing many many big chunky silver rings … and yet I also have little reading glasses on a string around my neck.
Think women’s studies professor … you’ll be on your way.
http://www.jo-blow.com/images_arrow_reviews/arrow-rosered.jpg
She plays a parapsychologist.
Cross post!
Frumpy – but not SLOPPY. That’s the type A part.
cullen – I know – at the very same moment, the two of us were probably Googling “nancy travis Rose Red” hahahaha
Ex-SQUEEZE me, but don’t you mean “Womyn’s Studies” professor!?!?!
Cord clogs with native american symbols on them – I’m sure she would wear hand-woven socks made from brown sheep, but she’s sensitive to wool, so it’s unbleached cotton footsies.
HAHAHAHAHA! Having spent lots of time in and around Sedona, Taos NM, etc, I know EXACTLY what you’re wearing! LOL, I’m still laughing :)
emily – hahahahaha oh lordy … the womyn, the womyn …
She’s actually not that radical. She’s more gentle and sweet. I wish I could think of an analogy – but the only one I can come up with is my first boyfriend’s mother – but that wouldn’t help at all since no one knows her here!
I’m basically imitating her throughout the play. I can do this because I know she won’t see it.
hahahaha
rude1 – it’s sooooooo Sedona, isn’t it??
hahahahaha
stevie – you are fucking killing me.
that’s IT!!!! hahahaha
Clogs??? hahaha
Not like this appearance of Nancy Travis then?
peteb –
Uhm, no. If you put me in a dress like that, people would run screaming to the hills in alarm.
Not that I prefer fuzzy Indian clogs … but … you know.
Personally, Sheila, I’d be more wary of someone in clogs. Decorated or otherwise.
full disclosure:
I am wearing clogs right now. NOT the ones for the show … but my own cool clogs.
And you are right to be wary.
:)
Uh-oh..
;)
She’s researched magnetic energy therapies, and thinks there’s something to them, but hasn’t made a full commitment to it (she doesn’t feel the research has been conclusive), so she doesn’t wear a magnetic bracelet. However, just to be on the safe side, she attaches a small Tibetan magnetized medallion to the strap of her hemp fanny pack.
stevie –
never stop talking.
please keep going.
we are on the same psychological vibrations.
Or perhaps I should say PARApsychological vibrations.
Now I’m thinking Lisa Loeb as a Wiccan librarian.
It was a difficult day when she found out she was allergic to wheat – after all, hummus and whole wheat pitas have been her brown bag staple ever since grad school. But she found a source for basmati brown rice “crisps” online and now orders them by the case.
Run away! Run away!
[/Holy Grail]
Although she’s had clairvoyant and clairsentient experiences since she was a child, it wasn’t until her unfortunate trauma (referred to by friends as “the incident”) brought her to understand this gift was also a burden. You see, she was at an ashram in Ojai for a weekend retreat called SpiritWake ’94. She was attending a class lead by famed batik artist Yabbi and, as usual, was sitting in the front row to fully engage her learning processes. In a moment of perhaps overemphasis, Yabbi made a gesture with the hot wax-soaked applicator and accidentally splashed two small drops of wax on her arm. In the seconds after the splash hit, her spirit guide Tutankiti (an Eqyptian handmaiden to Cleopatra’s makeup artist) bowed before her and clearly intoned, in sanskrit, “Annoint this soul, my servant.” Although the entire class rushed into the woods to gather aloe and other herbal unguents to make a salve, the welt from the wax remained, and bore an uncanny likeness to fang marks from an asp.
Stevie- you KILL me “as usual, sitting in the front row to fully engage her learning processes.” I actually found myself thinking, oh, yeah, she DOES do that. Then I realized, there IS NO “HER”!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahahhahaah!!!!!
nice.
stevie –
i am cackling with laughter – and yet i also feel creeped out. did you peek into my character notebooks??
the batik artist YABBI???
and Beth – I laughed out loud at that line too about “fully engage her learning processes”
oh man – this is stuff is RICH!!
Stevie, you are an evil genius.
That said, I can’t help being inspired to link from one thing to another; it’s just the way my mind works. So…
“…it wasn’t until her unfortunate trauma (referred to by friends as “the incident”)…”
WOODY: …except, of course, that was back before [makes hand-quote gesture] “The Incident.” I tell you, it was the talk of Hanover.
NORM: I have got to visit this town at least once before I die.
HAHA – Dave J: and here I thought I was being original!
Oh please, Stevie. You’re better than the original.
Cause you made that shit up! Off the top of your head!!! On command!
Her “hemp fanny pack”????? WHAT??
And dude – just came back from a long-ass rehearsal, and during my preparation – your comments came to mind!! Helped keep me on track.
She “buys them by the case”
hahahahaha
Nowhere have you said what role you are playing in what production. So even if I imagine what your costume looks like I have no idea the context of what you’re supposed to be!
Have I simply missed previous entries where you might elaborate along these lines?
One of her formidable influences was her mother’s half-sister, Auntie Fredonia. Fredonia, affectionately known as “Fredo,” taught faux Lamaze classes at the Berkeley Methadone Clinic during the 60’s and received a stipend from Sickley Farms to study the effects of a milletless diet on the Atascadero prison population. Recognizing early on that her niece had a “gift,” Fredo took her on bi-monthly pilgrimages to see Ta’Nish, a famed quadroon idiot savant in Oakland who played the ocarina while channeling Sam Goldwyn.
It was at one of these sessions that Fredo became slightly delirious and started tearing out the clumps of baby’s breath tangled in her mass of curly hair while spinning round and round, her patchwork velvet maxi skirt’s beaded fringe flying like a cheap carnival ride. Her little niece, only seven at the time, stared in wonder, then said softly, “I bet itth a niathin defithienthy.” She was right, of course, and in gratitute Fredo enrolled her in a Montessori-sponsored speech therapy program.
Producer –
No, I haven’t talked about specifics of the play. This joke is meant to be taken out of context – that’s the whole point.
“a milletless diet on the Atascadero prison population.”
Lost in awe at that particular phrase!
are you laughing out loud as you’re writing these things? Cause I can’t stop laughing from the second I start reading those comments …
Her little niece, only seven at the time, stared in wonder, then said softly, “I bet itth a niathin defithienthy.” She was right, of course, and in gratitute Fredo enrolled her in a Montessori-sponsored speech therapy program.
This, of course, is inspired. And would explain her seemingly irrational fear of volcanoes.
Oh, and 3D movies.
She occasionally teaches a seminar on “The Rise and Decline of the Third Witch.”
“My uncle thought he was St. Jerome.”
Stevie!!!!! what the balls!!! Im dying..came late to this..but u are freakin’ hilarious!!!!
mitchell – doesn’t it seem like Stevie could go on forever???? isn’t it brilliant?
Mitchell darling, you know who I am imitating in this show!!
“I … think I feel …”
Her apartment looks as much like a geodesic dome as is possible when living in a brownstone. Upon entering, one is confronted by a collage she created while serving an internship to Chaim Knott, the noted child psychologist. Comprised of ricepaper, indigo dye, feathers, dried fiddlehead ferns and a looming sense of ennui, the collage features a foreboding cloud, heavy with moisture, hovering just above the heads of stick figure children on a jungle gym. At their feet are various eviscerated teddy bears, their stuffing strewn about the playground like so much sad snow. A huge bloodshot eye framed by elbow macaroni lashes stares out from the cloud’s center. The collage is entitled “‘Nuff Said #5,” and was used as the cover illustration for her endodontist’s brochure explaining the risks of anesthesia.
“Montessori-sponsored speech therapy program”
“like so much sad snow” haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!
“looming sense of ennui”…aaaahhhhh..i love Stevie!!!..and Sheila…yes i know who u are channeling…in fact the vision of her overgrown booosh is never too far from my conscience mind.
mitchell – i am so so sorry to hear that.
I think I need to go under hypnosis to erase that image from my mind.
Nuff Said #5????
GENIUS!