As a senior in college, I lived in a house off-campus – which, at first, seemed like an awesome deal. It was a big breezy old stone house with a bazillion rooms and a huge yard. I slept in a converted porch off the side. I had about 10 roommates, no lie, the house was so big. Beth’s boyfriend at the time (and now husband) was one of my roommates. Beth just told me this last weekend that the house was condemned, and it was a huge scandal. Again, it was full of college students – but things had gotten pretty out of hand, with the parties, and the noise. When the police came to inspect – they found all the boys who lived there out in the backyard playing “naked whiffle ball”. (hahahahahahaha) Inside – was a filthy pit of hell. Huge scandal. Boys with pictures in paper.
I went to college in the Paleozoic Era and even then that house was known as a “party house”. The infamous Halloween party where Beth became an angry clown was held there. We had parties where it felt like not only the entire college showed up – but the entire surrounding town!
The situation, though, ended up getting so out of hand – that I moved out after one semester.
Some of the issues were (and Beth and I were laughing about this this weekend, just reminiscing about that crazy house):
— we became a kind of halfway house for every runaway in that town. I would come home after school and find 10 grubby kids wearing flowy skirts and wool caps sitting in my living room.
— A guy named Vince lived in the attic. He had anger management issues and used to punch holes in the wall.
— Michael – the guy who had his name on the lease – lived in a massive suite with French doors – and as I remember it, he had a working fireplace, and a silver tea service, and lovely curtains and knick knacks … He rarely came out of his room. Why would he? It was like Versailles up there.
— Kerry was a lovely girl, who did Tarot readings all over the house – yet the problem was that she was only 17, and so she was the gateway to the Runaway Contingency. The runaways basically took over that house.
— There was an unspayed cat who had a litter of babies in the ashy fireplace. The kittens roamed the house. They were EVERYWHERE.
— Vince and his girlfriend had screaming punching matches on the front doorstep. Alcohol was involved. I heard the screams once and opened the door just in time to see him punch her in the face. Good times!
— Tom (Beth’s boyfriend/now-husband) got so sick of people stealing his food from the refrigerator downstairs that he bought a mini-fridge, put it in his room, and always kept the door locked. This was seen as a massive betrayal by the throngs of people throughout the house. LIke: “who does he think he is???” Uhm, he thinks he’s a person who wants to NOT have his food stolen!
— Janine had an iguana that got loose in the basement one infamous day.
— The kitchen became so disgusting that I avoided it at all costs. I never ate there – it was too gross – it was like Grey Gardens in there – and the dishes literally piled up in the sink and on the counters. To even get a fork to eat your leftovers was a half-hour long ordeal. Since I never ate there, and it wasn’t MY mess, I was like: no fucking WAY am I picking up after the 26 runaways camping out in the living room. My boyfriend and I would literally dash through the kitchen, not looking around, avoiding it completely.
— Since the house was stone, it was damp, and moldy. But let me just say, too – it is an awesome house – it could have been so great! Huge rooms, fireplaces, etc. My room was FREEZING though. FREEZING.
— I would knock furtively on Tom’s door, where he hid from the chaos … and he would let me in. Beth was usually there. So we would hang out in Tom’s room, a quiet space of sanity – with its own food supply. We would lock the door, too. Nope. YOU CAN’T COME IN.
— We had to have a big roommate meeting to deal with Vince’s anger issues and the holes in the wall. I remember Beth taking the lead, even though she didn’t even live at the house. Beth was like, “Dude, there are like 10 holes in the wall in your attic enclave. YOU are paying for those. WE will not. YOU’RE the one with anger management issues.”
— I finally couldn’t take it anymore – and I found another situation in a great big house – with only 2 roommates – one of whom I already knew. I approached Michael in his drafty Versailles enclave, with the silver tea service glimmering on the immaculate white linen tablecloth – such a contrast to the kitten-infested MANIA just down the stairs … and told him, “I’m outta here, bro. Find somebody to take my room.” My boyfriend and I packed up my room – and I remember it was pouring rain, torrential downpour … and it had the feeling of a midnight getaway. Like: go go go go go … before the runaways steal more of your food … before another kitten is born on your comforter … before Vince punches another hole in the wall … RUN!!!!
I have never forgotten that house, though. It was quite an experience living there.
And I guess its reputation has not changed. I drove by there this past weekend – and there’s a big orange sticker on the front door – which basically says: THIS HOUSE IS TOTALLY MESSED UP IN EVERY WAY. LOSERS AND MANIACS LIVE HERE. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
She,
was this the house where you and Brooke and I spent a debauched night in the kitchen, all ending up crashing in your tiny bed? also, “kitten infested mania” is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
J
Jackie – yes!!!!!!!!!! Same house! hahahahahahahahaha
That was the morning when you said, “You could tap my liver and feed communion to a small Catholic church.”
hahahahahaha
Michael, as I recall, was a FOX!
Yes, he was a fox! I especially loved his redcoat costume for the Halloween party. Complete with tri-cornered hat. He looked like an extra in Rule Rhode Island!!
he broke my heart
If I recall correctly – that happened while I was living there. Is that right? Or was it before?
Sounds like something out of Dogs In Space.
Wow. The whole situation sounds like the love-child of a Donna Tartt novel and a Truman Capote short story. (And I mean that in the best possible way – it sounds like some of the situations could be worked into either a fantastic creepy gothicy novel [New England Gothic?] or a fantastic weird semi-comic novel).
I lived alone in a studio apartment in college. It was probably better for my grades but I missed out on kitten armies on the march, and escaped iguanas, and having someone’s room I could run to and hide out with when I was ready to lose my shit.
Donna Tartt and Capote – hahahaha! Perfect.
And yes. Nobody needs to deal with a kitten army on the march during midterms!!!
Sheil – these stickers are due to the new Noise Ordinance in Narragansett (aka, keep the URI kids under control). Any house that has a certain number of complaints gets a yellow sticker and I believe needs to be evacuated briefly before kids are allowed back in. This is the case with the Central Street house…
Jean – yeah, Beth was telling me about that! Thank God we didn’t have that when I was in college – we would have been arrested promptly for that Halloween party alone. Beth told me too how you can get in big trouble for scraping the sticker off. I wanted to go up to the front steps and read what it said – but I was fearful of being roped into a game of naked whiffle ball against my will.
Great seeing you yesterday!!
What a great story. There was a house like that in the town where I went to college. I never lived there, but a bunch of my friends did at differing times. It was a small town, so everybody knew someone who had lived there at some point. My friend Toby did a stint in the attic for about two months before deciding that he had to either move or flunk out of school.
i remember that halloween party. i went dressed as elvis in blue hawaii and wound up making out with a girl dressed as the Angel of Death.
which is pretty hilarious when you think about it.
Emily:
//so everybody knew someone who had lived there at some point. //
hahahahahaha Yes! This house was just like that.
“I was fearful of being roped into a game of naked whiffle ball against my will.”
Because stuff like that just happens all the time. You never can tell. Knock on the door of an old home, and next thing you know…hahahaha. “The tequila made me do it!”
Emily – yeah, it’s like a letter to Penthouse.
“And then the next thing I knew … we were all naked!”
“And then the next thing I knew … we were all naked!”
So you’re the one writing those letters. I didn’t recognize your style.
Those letters are totally real, dude.
Thank God they stopped it before naked kitten wiffle ball came about!
Was there a rat incident in that house? With a rat trap.. Or was that someone else
Mere – it would not surprise me at all!! Although you’d imagine the army of cats would take care of any rats!!
this incident involved a rat trap going off in the middle of the night and the rat SCREAMING from inside of the closet because it didn’t die right away.
?
What a horrifying story. I don’t remember that one though – maybe Beth or Tom does???
it must have been someone else. Thats gonna drive me crazy now.
I just love the idea of the swank dude upstairs in the gorgeous white apartment sipping tea while all around him is filth and chaos.
“And then the next thing I knew … we were all naked!”
A friend of mine once told a story – – “Somehow my towel fell off!” Yeah, sure, Ethan.
I’m thinking this could be a great concept for a show or something: My dorm–where is it now?
My sophomore year (cough, cough) *trailer* was scrapped to make way for the new gymnasium.
Stevie- hahahahaha Yeah, it’s that “somehow” that is so hysterical. SOMEHOW my towel my fell off. hahahaha Yeah, but .. HOW??
Mere-The rat was up in Maine. Supposedly, the farmhouse that Tom and I lived in had rats that lived in that chimney hallway behind the kitchen, and when the previous tenants set a trap, it went off in the middle of the night and the rat screamed its way to a painful death. We never experienced that, but DID hear them in the walls. That was the reason we had the cats, to keep them away. (Not to be confused with the parade of kittens…)
Exactly! “Somehow . . . I found myself at the bottom of a huge pile of naked football players.”
And I know – the dude sitting in his turret room upstairs with a crackling fire and herbal tea … hysterical. We were like the serfs downstairs, trapped in some feudal relationship with him.
I just think it’s perfect that BETH was the one who led everyone in confronting Vince on his anger management issues. It doesn’t surprise me in the least. hahaha….
hahahahahaha Totally!!! She was fearless!
about 5 years ago..i get a call from John Cardone..who is sitting with some friends at Nookies..he says i should come and have coffee…John’s friend’s friend(still with me??) was Micheal the Feudal Lord!!!! WHAAAAATTT???? still beautiful..still shallow and self-centered..but it was cool.
Am I the only one who sees a bit of resembalence between Michael and the guy from Project Runway? His name escapes me now- but the beautiful white haired man who kinda runs the whole thing. I think Michael could be his son.
There seems to be a theme:
Here’s Michele’s very funny post on the REAL Rudolph. Which, of course, reminded me of my friend Emily (no, not THAT Emily – another Emily – this one’s from college!) – so I’ll post that story in a minute -…