Me: Croup? What the hell IS croup? All I know about it is from books! Like …. (long pause, as I tried to remember the various ‘croup’ episodes from literature.)
Kate: Anne of Green Gables. I mean, do I need to break out the ipecac?
The second Kate said the word ‘ipecac’, the whole episode came shrieking back – and I love her for filling in the blanks for me. Of course Kate had to go further and say, “And once I do break out the ipecac, will the snotty Mrs. Barry let me be friends with her beloved daughter again, even though I DID get her drunk on what I thought was raspberry cordial?”
That’s a whole post in and of itself. Curing sicknesses through remedies we find in books. Mustard plasters was another big one for LM Montgomery. Wine was a cure-all, as was a bit of brandy. You could set up an entire practice called The Louisa May Alcott Medical Clinic, based on the stuff in her books. Or a Jane Austen Emergency Room. “Hi. I’m feeling very feverish.” “Step right this way. One moment, please. I need to prepare the leeches.”
Etc.
But the main point of writing this is to say that I love Kate.
You know, one of the specific things that stays with me to this day about the Laura Ingalls Wilder books (which I loved as a kid and still love today), was that Mary went blind “off stage,” so to speak, between books. I think it was measles….
Oh, and for what it’s worth, I’ve been reading the Joyce posts, but am not qualified to comment (I bet I ain’t the only one). I figure the eleventy-first post with one comment saying, “Yeah! What Special Ops said! You go!” would get a little tedious. :-P
OMG, that is so funny and awesome! I ADORE the idea of the 18th -19th century E/R. “Vapors–this way.” We need to go further with that idea. How about a special hallway for fainting? For heroines who have been given the gift of heightened sensitivity to vulagarity?
I love you too. So much. Thinking of you a lot.
And ague–don’t forget ague.
// heightened sensitivity to vulagarity//
hahaha yes!! You know, the Miss Alma Winemillers of the 19th century. Weren’t dildos used by doctors, in order to “calm” the hysteria of these ladies? We need to have a dildo room in our Jane Austen Medical Clinic.
I am agog. “Quick – it’s a severe case of heightened sensitivity to vulgarity! Apply a dildo!” THAT’S the cure?
That’s like fixing a paper cut with a machete.
PS – don’t forget dropsy!
Actually, to me it makes perfect sense. But I’ve always been a 19th century kinda gal.
And of course, we must NEVER allow the windows in our clinic to be open at night. Because we ALL know from 18th and 19th century books that “night air” is absolutely poisonous!
…hence “mal-aria.”
But of course, some also believe you can get “fever ‘n’ ague” from eating watermelons, so watermelon must be banned. Probably all melons, just to be safe, because, you know, they grow down in the DIRT and they respire in the night air, and they tend to grow in damp muddy places.
I had a friend who – no joke – thought that “the vapors” was a polite way of writing that a woman had a farting fit. When he first said that I was utterly and completely “WTF, dude?”
I’ve actually had something croup-like. It’s not fun.
Also – in order to treat tuberculosis, we must wrap you up in a blanket, and make you sit in a freezing Alpine wind. Your lungs will be clear in no time!
Dropsy, ague, and dildoes. Hilarious. (Do I put an e on the plural of dildo? I don’t know. . .)
Dildii?
…or another tuberculosis “cure”? Sending the person into a cave where there was active uranium, so it was radioactive.
Yeah, I’ve heard the “hysteria cure” thing, too, and IIRC, it was kind of featured in “The Road to Wellville,” only that was by “manipulation” done by a doctor. (Which creeps me out if I think about it…some doctors, day in and day out, with these women who were in unsatisfying marriages or who otherwise had “complaints” coming in to his office and him having to “manipulate” them into some kind of state of calmness.
Kind of like being a gigolo but without getting to wear the good clothes.)
Well, nothing more calming than an orgasm. I can imagine living without orgasm would make you QUITE hysterical and full of vapors, etc., and irritable and depressed – and all of those terms used to basically mean: “Girl, you need to get laid” in 19th century parlance.
If you look at the vintage ads from the time, you can tell that some of them are basically “marital aids” – kind of like the back massager Hitachi Magic Wand (product placement, I should get a commission) – which you can buy on Amazon. It’s a back massager. But if you read the customer reviews – tee hee, you can see what’s really going on.
So.
Full supply of dildii.
Bottles of brandy.
Fainting room.
No night air – except for the TB patients.
Full supply of leeches.
The Louisa May Alcott Walk-In Clinic will soon be open for business!
What’s the going rate for laundanum, and will it be available over the counter or by prescription?
That would, of course, be laudanum, so sorry….
Even just the NAME “laudanum” makes me feel sleepy. I love that word. (But I believe I have made myself clear somewhere else at one point about my undying love for words with the letters “l” and “u” in them.)
But I digress.
What is your recommendation? Prescription??
Actually – weird coincidence – if you check out the conversation in this post from only yesterday – you’ll see that we need to add some lard and chicken fat to our medicine cabinets.
Honestly, I don’t know. One hears it’s habit-forming, so I suppose it ought to be administered under the supervision of a doctor. Let’s go with prescription. ;-)
Yes, now I remember the lard and chicken fat from yesterday. Also, the expression on Lara Phillips’s (Strunk & White say so, that’s good enough for me, to the tune of “C Is for Cookie”) face in Screenshot 30 is really striking.
Actually, that’s Karin Anglin not Ms Phillips! But yeah – I love her face there!
But another weird coincidence: had a huge conversation just yesterday about pluralizing names that end with “s”. We had to pull out Strunk & White.
Cosmic tumblers clicking down.
My apologies to both Lara Phillips and Karin Anglin the. Further needless word will be omitted, insane ruhts will be et.
Insane RUHT = laudanum.