The night before Thanksgiving, Siobhan and I drove down to the Ocean Mist – what amounts to our local pub – to meet up with Jean and Pat. Siobhan is now obsessed with Fiona Apple’s latest, and so we blasted it on the way down. I have to say: I only heard the first three tracks and I was blown away. The Ocean Mist is a big rickety shack that sits right on the ocean – there are stilts underneath the deck, and at high tide, the waves roll right under the bar. Apparently, a surfer who had been struggling in the strong rip tide had washed up underneath the deck that very morning and crashed against the pilings. One of the guys in the bar had heard the thud and went running down to see a surfer face down in the sand, the waves pulling him back out. The surfer was alive – and apparently, after he sat upand cleared his head for a second – said he was fine and didn’t need to go to the hospital. He strolled off down the beach, as though it were an ordinary morning. Dude – you just smashed against the pilings underneath a fisherman’s bar. Maybe you should go get your head checked out? Uhm … no? Okay, then, happy Thanksgiving!
The white birds were in their usual place, bobbing up and down on the dark waves, lit up by the lights of the bar. So bizarre. Nobody is quite sure why they congregate there, but we discussed many theories. They like the light? Fish hang out there too? The water is warmer? No idea. But the image of them never ceases to startle me – like little white origami formations, clustered together on the dark ocean, going up and down with the surging of the waves.
The Ocean Mist is one of those bars that always gives people an incentive to come back – bands, drink specials, door prizes … Sadly, they have canceled their very popular open mike night because the guy who was running it had other obligations. So they tried to come up with something, something fun that would keep people there …
The activity for the night before Thanksgiving was Turkey Bowling. A frozen turkey, wrapped up in electric tape … a bunch of bowling pins set up on the stage … and you had to sign up for your turn to Turkey Bowl.
Now before the Turkey Bowl began, everyone was totally making fun of it and laughing at how lame it was. “Man … they cancel open mike night and all they can do to replace it is a Turkey Bowl???”
And of course – once the Turkey Bowl actually began, it is hard to describe just how INTO it everyone was. The guy running the thing had a clipboard, which we all just thought was hilarious. So official! A local dude with a Red Sox hat on, a big sweatshirt, making checkmarks on his clipboard FOR THE TURKEY BOWL.
The turkey, naturally, had stopped being frozen maybe half an hour into the thing – so it was dripping all over the place. People had to wear surgical gloves so they wouldn’t get nasty turkey drips all over them. It soon became clear that you could not ROLL the turkey at the bowling pins … because, of course, it would not roll. No, you had to HURL it at the bowling pins. So there we all were, on a cold windy night, the waves rolling underneath the bar, the white terns bobbing on the waves outside the window – cheering and shouting at the turkey bowlers. Who were CHUCKING this turkey across the stage with all their might.
Jean, in her fuzzy black angora sweater, threw the turkey across the stage and missed every bowling pin by a mile. I wish I had a photo. Jean, glamorous, black-clad, her long hair, her big black boots, shouting about how it was unfair how far back they had to stand, and could she try again. I was crying with laughter watching Siobhan up on the stage, hurtling a frozen turkey through the air. WHAT ARE WE DOING?? It was awesome.
I’ve been to one of those but it was at an actual bowling alley. They had put up some barrier to keep the turkeys out of the ball return and the pins were a few feet up from where they’re normally placed. My 12lb turkey was still frozen enough where I could slide it down the alley, knocking down four pins. Failed miserably at picking up the spare, though. Next time, I’ll try a 14lb turkey.
omg.i couldnt be more envious! The fabulous O’ Malley girls and a frozen turkey at the Ocean Mist!!! Sweet Lord..thats heaven on earth!!!! Happy almsot b-day btw…oh did u(or anyone) see the American Music Awards?? Lindsay Lohan gave the WORST performance in the history of televised entertainment! Ashlee Simpson is Barbra -fucking- Streisand compared to out Disney moppet with the new boobs!! Although the amazing performance by the reunited Eurythmics more than made up for it..Annie Lennox is the real deal!! Please tell me u saw Lindsay! anyone? Stevie???
i meant “our Disney moppet”..not “out”..she’s not cool enough to be a lesbian!!!
Did you get my message Mitchell? I TOTALLY missed Lindsay because dumb ole Scott N had a gay thing happening. Oy, the drama.
I’m like:
“Yah, yah. Your boyfriend broke with you, you’re miserable. SHUT UP I have to see LINDSAY!”
Rats.
Umm….Turkey Bowling?
SIGN ME UP!!!!
We could be a team Mitchell. We could totally turkey bowl toegether. And then we could get t shirts, and hats, and have a handshake or something. I’m sooooo way into this.
haaa…i didnt realize Scott made u miss it!!! Gay drama! lets start of bowling league in Chi-town!
I saw it. Then I had to pluck out my eyes.
I only WISH I’d had a gay drama to distract me.
I didn’t see it!! Damn! Please describe the awfulness to me!
she sang…Edge of Seventeen..u know the Stevie Nicks classic??? All i can say is…if my brother watched it…he’s probably hospitalized..Sheila..she NEVER got on pitch..EVER! But it kept going on and on and on..she kicked over a stool at one point to establish her “cred”..i guess…it was truly cringe worthy and eternal! At least Hilary Duff had the good sense to lip-sync..she was cute! have u seen “But Can They Sing?” on VH-1?? This was worse because Lindsay actually has had hit songs..ok..ok…Mitchell let it go!! Im officially obsessed..shit..like i need a new one!! Between Wentworth Miller and Anderson Cooper..my dance card is full!
Mitchell – Jen’s obsessed with Anderson Cooper as well. Are you okay with sharing him?
Lindsey kicked over a stool?? I’m so embarrassed.
yes..i’ll share ..but finally i have a celeb crush on someone who plays for my team..so im willing to share but i will quietly(or not soo…) gloat about it!..and YES..she kicked over a stool during the beginning of her “performance”…while she was still droning and rasping thru her latest “single”..but in the spirit of fairness..she looked fabulous! Train wreck from start to finish… as far as the “singing” went…id rather go to a Karaoke bar in Pawtucket rather than see that again!!