Diary Friday

Now the journal starts to get fragmented. You’ll see what I mean. You’ll also see why.

NOVEMBER 28

Day before we open. Haven’t had a chance to update you on my wonderful life.

It’s now Thursday, actually. It’s about 12:00 as I write this.

Yesterday was my birthday and I think it is the best birthday I have ever had. First of all, I was in a good mood anyway.

_______________________________________________________ [There are a couple of these lines throughout. They mean nothing – at least not narratively. They’re just 16 year old me saying to myself: “Time has passed …”]

Yesterday was such a great great A plus day! WOW!

I got up before school to open my presents. What a family and parents I’ve been blessed with.

Thursday

Well, today is really the day. It is now 5:00. Oh my God.

At 6:30 I have to be there.

I feel sick, Diary.

I honestly feel nauseous. I think about it and I feel this sickening lurch.

I had a wonderful time last night. We all went to Giro’s

I don’t know what time it is – but here I am in the lit-up dressing room. [Okay – so obviously I am already “there”. Like I said: fragments]

I’ve had the most wonderful week. Oh my God!

I came in just now and there was a single red rose at my place from the guys. Then I had cards and Tootsie Rolls. I got the most incredible cards from Brett and Joe. And I just came from the library where I got a whizdinger of a card from J. [J and I both worked at the local library.] We both hugged and cried. Then I came here and – there was a single red rose at my place and the card said: “To all the lovely ladies of Independence, Kansas. Love the guys: Brett, Joe, Eric, Lenny.” Everyone got one.

___________________________________________________

Okay. It’s over.

I’m high. I really am.

Okay. It is 3:00 am and I just got home. What is happening to me? I don’t care. I don’t care about a thing! Me, Liz and Joanna’s picture was in the ProJo today. A big article too.

More later about my birthday and tonight. This wonderful wonderful night.

But now I must sleep.

NOVEMBER 30

The excitement last night was unbelievable. I’ve never felt anything like it. The air sizzled. I was shaking.

First I came in – well, first of all – J’s letter. She gave it to me, I read it, then we hugged, and we both started crying. 11 damn years. I met her when we were 7 and we still share a locker! Listen to the letter:

“God, Sheila, we’ve come such a long way. Tonight when I’m in the audience watching you, I’ll probably start to cry because I love you so much and I’m so happy for you. I still can’t get over it. You are so wonderfully talented!!! You know, sometimes I feel guilty because our friendship is still going strong after 11 YEARS. I mean, a lot of friends, people we know – used to be friends but have grown apart. But look at us! You’ll always be first! (Well, second, if you count him) to KNOW. Well, what can I say except good luck. But you’ve got it made, Sheila. Just relax – I know it’s impossible for you to be anything but hyper right now but try anyway. Oh yes – HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love, J”

I walked to the theatre from the library.

Outside it was cold and windy and dark. I was crying from my happiness. My happiness was so large – and my nervous energy and excitement and anticipation and love – not one bad emotion. And – right over the intersection before Independence Hall I noticed for the first time – this mammoth banner whipping in the wind that said in huge black letters:

PICNIC
Nov. 29, 30, Dec. 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

I stood and stared up at it – exploding inside – It was freezing and windy and I started yelling, “I’M IN THAT! I’M IN THAT!” and I started running. I had so much energy, and the very night itself was energetic.

And – never having been in a real Opening Night – I didn’t know what to expect.

The guys had bought the girls a big bottle of champagne and on the outside bulletin board were all these cards and stuff, and everyone had presents and letters at their spaces. The minute I saw the surprises I felt like I did when it was Caritas – when I saw all those brown lunch bags.

Liz gave me a flourescent pink book of matches that says on it, “I know what boys like!” Inside she wrote, “Good luck, Millie. Love, Flo.” Joe’s letter – I LOVE JOE! What a sweet sweet wonderful person!!

His card was this dancing jester and on it said ‘Life’s too mysterious … Don’t take it serious!”

And inside he wrote – “Sheila – you are a wonderful actress and a real fun person to be with. You know that? Thanks for all the fun we’ve had during the show – but there is still more to come! Break a leg, Millie. Lots of love, Howard. PS ‘You’re a good-lookin’ kid – I never noticed that before.'”

I wanted to hug someone.

The tension was building anyway and I sat and read that –

And the one from Brett – I had to go for a walk after I read it so I could cry.

I LOVE THEM. More than anything. GOD, I LOVE THEM

I saw the second envelope with my name on it and opened it. It was a drawing of a porch overlooking a bay. I opened the card and saw it was from Brett. My heart started pounding.

‘Sheila – I envy your chance at working in this type of atmosphere with a group so united and caring. Never for a moment should you feel outside of this group. Our bonds go beyond age. They are locked deep in the heart and mind. Never look back and miss this when it is gone. Always remember the bond it created ….
Act IV Picnic, by Brett
(Alan Seymour returns to Independence to find Millie Owens. He has since matured and remembers a brief conversation to the effect: “I always liked you, Alan!” He invites her to his front porch (see cover) and they discuss Frost and Hemingway and Shakespeare. They marry and become quite wealthy and one day Millie grows restless and leaves. She drives off in Alan’s Mercedes as we hear Alan cry …)
Alan: (with great loss) Good bye, Millie! Goodbye Millie!!!

Break your ass, kid.

Brett’

[Brett – that little skit is so feckin’ funny. hahahahahahahaha And thank you for the card. You spoke very very true words, my friend. Still true today.]

Do you believe him? I look at him and I swear – all of this is better than romance. I couldn’t love him any more if I were in love with him. Romance never felt this great! [Ain’t it the truth, honey …]

Then there were Tootsie Rolls and a flower and the thought that my friends were probably all up in the lobby buying tickets and holding programs.

During all of this Jennifer came in and passed out the programs for us to look at. They were beautiful. So goddamned professional. I felt my throat clog. This is it.

They had biographies of us. My credits are astounding:

‘Sheila is a senior in high school. Although she has not committed herself yet, we look forward to working with her in the future.”

The excitement was unbelievable.

And to top it all off – people kept coming in with armfuls of bouquets saying, “Flowers for Sheila! Flowers for Sheila!”

All of my friends sent me flowers. I must have gotten 6 bunches! It got to be this huge joke. I couldn’t believe it.

I was toppling over with my happiness and love and nervousness.

Other Picnic entries:

Part 1. The audition
Part 2: The callbacks, getting into the play
Part 3: First meeting with the director
Part 4. The calm before the storm … the time before rehearsals started … memorizing lines, etc.
Part 5. Rehearsals start
Part 6. Rehearsals. Stress building.
Part 7. Crush with Brett intensifying. Finding my own way as an actress. Stress building.
Part 8. Dropping out of religious retreat with much sturm und drang.
Part 9. Being invited to college party
Part 10. Going to college party
Part 11. Aftermath of college party!
Part 12. Rehearsals! Life! Going crazy!
Part 13. The rehearsal when the play clicks into place, emotionally.
Part 14. Opening night approaching. Homecoming Dance approaching.
Part 15 Homecoming Dance. Homecoming football game. Rage.
Part 16 Last rehearsal before 3 day Thanksgiving break. Heaven!